Should I trust my husband?

Question

My husband's sister is constantly having money problems because her loser husband is a drug addict and blows all their money. She complains to her mother, who then complains to my husband. My Mother-in law is very manipulative and guilts my husband into giving money to his sister. I am against this because she has had opportunity to leave this loser but chooses to keep him around. He recently said he only gave her $5 now suddenly its changed to $10. I imagine he's given her a whole lot more but is lying about it. I don't feel I can trust him. He lies about the small things, he'll lie about the big ones. When I caught him in a lie about the money, he got mad at me! Now he's not talking to me like I did something wrong. Should I leave this guy?

My husband has never been close to his sister, in fact he says he can't stand her. But he gives in the guilt.

Answer 1

Jeeze i don't know if you should break up your marriage over this before trying to work it out anyway. unless of course your looking for a reason to get out of your marriage and this is the one your going to use? I BELIEVE in marriage and i believe in working out problems between the couple. So you need to either sit down and tell him what you are thinking about leaving and all because you feel you can not trust him or you both need professional help.

Answer 2

Your husband and his mother are enabling thier daughter/sister to support her husbands ugly habit. There is more help needed here than what is being explained to you by your husband. This is an ugly ugly situation which is escalating out of control. You can take the high road and talk to your husband, but before you do you should do some research about addiction and enabling. Because her husband is an addict does not make him a loser, addiction can crush the mightiest of men. If you love your husband, it won't kill you to try and help. If your at the end of your rope, then your done and there isn't anything anyone of us can tell you that would help you out. Only you can make the decision whether or not to leave him. You can suggest to your husband that it might be more beneficial to take on some of her bills or buy her groceries instead of giving cash, cash is just going up his nose or whatever his addition is. Hope everything works out for you, God Bless!

Answer 3

If that is the worst he has done...I don't believe you would walk away so easily. Even the fact that you are considering leaving over something so small, tells me there is something much bigger going on. Through better or WORSE, sickness and health... it doesn't say or until your husband fibs to you about $10! Did those vows mean anything to you? Perhaps you have made him feel that he can't tell you about how he chooses to help his sister, by putting so much pressure on him not to help her. Family extends beyond just you and him. Do not ever make him choose between the two. Personally, there are woman out there that have put up with allot more from their man than you seem to be able to do. Maybe they know, if the good outweighs the bad...make it Better! Truthfully, if you think you can find better - try! I think you Will find the grass is NOT greener!
Best of luck.lol/

Answer 4

should you leave this guy!? hes your husband not your boyfriend...you made a commitment to him and now your throwing in the towel over an argument that stemmed from a very senstive subject. Him and his mother see his sister in pain and feel helpless, neither knows what to do and they are probably both very frustrated and upset. That doesnt negate the way you feel, I would feel the same way about the sister, particularly because you dont have the same attachment to her that her brother and mother do. Its her own stupid fault and if she got herself into this bind she should get herself out of it! I believe is a nice way of putting it. So you are probably angry and irritated towards the sister, which makes your anger towards your husband that much greater. If it wasnt for this highly emotional situation, you wouldnt really care that much if he said he bought tickets to a game with friends for $50 and you later found a receipt for $100. To him it isnt a big deal to tell a little white lie to avoid an argument and avoid making you upset. So if he gives his sister $100 a month for example, you would be really mad, unless you didnt know about it. So cut him a little slack, he only turned the tables on you and isnt talking to you because he feels like you cornered him, and didnt know another way out. That isnt to say that you did something wrong, but I think for the sake of your relationship you need to find another way to address this issue. Think about how you would feel if you were in his situation (even if no one in your family would ever have such a problem). You AND YOUR HUSBAND should probably seek professional counseling or find an expert on allexperts.com to find out how to deal with this issue. And remember, lying about money doesnt make you a liar, we all do it a little bit some times. (you buy a $200 dress on sale for $175, your husband mentions the dress and you say oh it was on sale implying that it was cheap...thats just as much of a lie, but doesnt warrant divorce!)

Answer 5

Why would you even think of leaving your husband for something so small? This IS small. He is stuck between a hard place and a rock. He may not be close to his sister, but I'm sure he still cares about her well being. Yes, it's wrong to keep giving her money, because in turn, she is enabling her husband to continue his life of drugs. But your husband needs to tell his mom and her that if he continues to help money wise, it's only going to give the drug addict husband more money to use. The sister needs to leave this guy if he won't stop using. I'm sure she is upset, afraid and all that goes along with having an addict for a husband. But she has to realize that family can't continue to support her in her decision to stay with him. If they do, then they are enabling him as well. Your husband may lie about this, but he doesn't know what else to do. It's his mom asking him to help his sister. Put yourself in his place to see how you would feel. I say sit down and calmly talk to your husband about all of this. He knows you will get upset about giving her money, so he doesn't tell you. He is stuck in the middle of this and so he needs to know that he can come to talk to you about it. He feels he has no one to turn to in this matter. He has his mom begging him to give money and he has you angry at him for giving the money. See where I'm coming from? Just talk to him and be there for him during this time. He needs you by his side on this one.

Answer 6

Don't leave him, he obviously has his heart in the right spot, he just needs some guidence on how he can help his sister. Yes she needs to drop the loser, but that is something only she can decide on. How about instead of giving her money, tell him to take around some food for her or something, that way you knoW that the cash he is handing over is not going to the druggo. As far as him being mad at you, thats just his guilt for lying to you and he is taking it out on you. As far as the mother in law from hell, tell HER to give the hand outs if they are needed so badly!

Answer 7

You can trust him. You have to understand that he knows how you feel about this situation. And because he knows that you don't like the situation, he doesn't want to have to fight with you because he helped his sister. Family is family. How would you like it if one of your siblings needed some financial help and your husband comes and says "no, we can't help them. It's not OUR problem." How would you like it? I'm pretty sure you'd be pissed off. What he has to do is tell her that this is the last time he helps her. He can't continue to help someone who won't help themself. If there is a problem that is acknowledged and there isn't anyone trying to find a solution, then he can't be that solution because it isn't right since its not his problem. If his sister knows that her husband has an issue and keeps feeding into it, then he will never change. She might love him but she has to give him an ultimatum. Either you stop doing drugs or you can leave. As hard as that may seem, she needs to stick to it. And your husband needs to learn when to put his foot down, he should tell his mother, if you think that she needs help then she can find someone that will help her since she won't do anything to help herself. But really, it's not a trust issue, he just knows how you feel about it and doesn't want to start a fight with you so he tries to avoid one.

Answer 8

Mother is called an enabler. It is like when an alcoholic husband is allowed to not work when he's drunk, or top act in an antoi social or destructive way, while the wife makes believe everything is just fine., That enables the husband to continue being just the same a- hole and sick man he is. What is needed is intervention, and unless sister leaves her hubby, or gets her own money, mother and her are destroying your own family's stricture and security. You need to see a therapist who can explore options, such as getting hubby ionto therapy with you to put a halt to the handouts to sister. It is imperitive, or your family ( immediate) struycture will collapse.

Answer 9

its not a good idea to support drug addicts. his mother is wrong for asking him to give money to them. he is wrong for doing it. he is wrong for getting mad at you. i would sit down and talk to him first. tell him your marriage is a commitment and parternership. you give 50 he gives 50. if you are going to give money to someone it should be agreed on by both partners. you understand its family, but its also drugs. drugs are the reason they have no money. his sister could leave her husband, and maybe youd be happy to help her until she got on her feet. but maybe she part of the drug problem to and that why she don't want to leave. if he can't understand you take a break, seperate for a little while. see how things go. you should not have to be stressed with other people when you have your own.

Answer 10

The fact that you are contemplating leaving him over $10 is reason enough to leave cuz I don't feel you are really commited here. I do understand feeling hurt about him lying but he is probably ashamed about having to give it to her in the first place. You really need to sit down and talk with him about what you should do as a couple (either help or no help for the sis) and stick with it. Be open to the fact that he may want to try and help her out.