My husband works late all the time and i never get to see him after work (i work too) he the turns it round on me and says that why do i want to see him all the time?
I feel bad for wanting to see him but its not like i want him to be with me 24/7 or something? i just want to spend some time with him one nite a week or something like that? Why is that so wrong?
2006-10-25 01:38:20 · 30 answers · asked by amy j 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have asked him he then turns it round saying that he cannot be with me all the time (which is not what im asking him) and then i feel bad, because he says he is working hard for us and wants to be able to give me a nice life!???
2006-10-25 01:48:30 · update #1
It's not so wrong at all. I think that you might be acting a bit of a doormat to him. Try and get yourself a bit of a life. Make new friends and start going out when he's at work. When he questions this turn it round on him by just casually saying that he's never around so you've got yourself a social life. Good luck.
2006-10-25 02:44:02 · answer #1 · answered by Jo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt jump to the conclusion that he is seeing someone else just yet (although I would look for some further clues on that....tread carefully) it could be a number of reasons.
Is he particually stressed at work? You could try talking to him about his day and anything at work that may be bothering him. Unfortunately, it sounds like he's got a lot on his plate and you are getting the brunt of it.
Either way....he is certainly missinterpretating what you are asking of him and to him you may be coming across as very needy. This will probably drive him further away and you may want to concider backing off a little bit. Im not saying you should give up but you need to show your independence and make him want to spend more time with you too. Try to stay clear of the subject for week or so and then gradually start suggesting some things you could so together that would be fun. Like a day out somewhere different or a meal out. If you give him plenty of notice then he has no excuse.
You have every right to want to spend time with him and he should want to do the same. It doesnt matter how much he tells you he's doing it for you, this is no way to live.
At the very least he should be reasuring you not making you feel like you are asking for something you shouldnt. If he carries on treating you like this then he will just drive a big wedge of resentment between you that will never go away. You deserve better than that!
I hope it works out. Good luck!
2006-10-25 03:35:02 · answer #2 · answered by loz 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely right to feel the way you do and it sounds like you have tried speaking to him more than once, so you know that another grumble is not going to work. If I were in your shoes, I would try completely ignoring it. Instead, on the times you do get to see him, take an interest in his work. I don't mean to probe him in such a way it looks like your examining what he does with his time, but if you show an interest in his work, he may open up and you may see why he feels he needs to work so hard. My ex husband used to work very long hours because he could not bear to leave work unfinished because if he did, it may look like he couldn't cope with his load...it was a pride thing. Maybe he has deadlines he has to meet, or maybe he is working for promotion. Anyway if all this does not work and your still unhappy, then try building another life for yourself in the evenings. Go out with friends or take up an interest. What ever you do, behave as if you don't NEED HIM to fill up your evenings. You may find, that if you seem busy, fulfilled and independent without even mentioning missing him, he may start to wonder what your up to. In fact...if it were me, I would take the odd weekend away with some girlfriends and have a great time, and see if that don't provoke some feelings of missing you..in him? At the end of the day, your unhappy, moaning hasn't worked, so give it a try!
2006-10-25 02:16:51 · answer #3 · answered by Bobbie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel. I have been having the same argument with my husband for over two years now. I finally just stopped caring about seeing him. What other choice do you have when they just don't listen. Quality time together in a marriage is SO important. When they work all the time, they think they are doing the right thing to provide for the family. But in the end, they are missing out on building the family. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Your just trying to save your marriage from failure. Every married couple needs time together. Even if it is just once a month to go out on a date, so to speak. Have dinner, movie, go for a walk, talk about their life together. It's important, very important. The only thing you can do is tell him, yet again, how you feel. If he doesn't see that you are trying to keep your marriage strong, then he will end up loosing in the end. You will become bitter. I have.
2006-10-25 02:23:26 · answer #4 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People should stop saying he must be having an affair! Really!
My bloke does the same thing. When he gets in he either plays video games or falls asleep on the sofa. He works a hell of a lot too and is genuinely tired, or needing to wind down. I think your hubby is like mine, he feels that as a "man" he's responsable for his family's well-being, so he fears being reproached for neglecting you, maybe even feels guilty and it's easier to throw the blame onto you than to admit that he's not handling everything very well.
Thing is men usually love being snowed under at work, it gives them lots of self-confidence and importance. It makes them feel like "men".
I'd say maybe you should ask him if his working overtime is for his own self-satisfaction (hey and this is not a bad thing, everyone likes feeling important at work) or if he really does feel like he has to bring home more money, and if this is the case then maybe you can make concessions cos you'd rather be with him a bit more than have money. If it's cos he enjoys working lots, well that's harder. Hmmm, don't know. My bloke is the same and I'll admit I haven't figured out how to deal with that. I'm sure it'll all work out for you. Lots and lots of good luck to you!
2006-10-26 00:13:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its difficult my wife works from 6am-8.30pm all days of the week and i work nights starting at 9pm. It caused us lots of problems and we have had some bad times.
the only thing I can say is enjoy the time you are together. Perhaps you should just step back and let him come to you. See if he sees what hes missing. Not easy i know but I you life gets totally taken over by work whats the point of life. Hope things get better.
2006-10-25 02:21:35 · answer #6 · answered by SEAN B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT feel bad about wanting to spend time with your husband!
whats wrong with him? is he having an affair? spending long periods of time on the internet?
He should want to have a break from his work and relax and spend time with the ones he loves!!
he needs to take a break from work, stop getting stressed out because he'll make himself ill and if he doesnt have his health or drives the ones who love him away he'll be one miserable, lonely guy.
2006-10-28 14:38:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he just has a lot on his mind at the moment and maybe he feels like he is being pulled in all directions. Maybe when he is home at a reasonable time one evening you could have a nice meal together and just gently raise the subject by saying how nice it is to spend some time together without him feeling that you are complaining about him being late. Try not to comment if he is late but if he turns up on time or early just say "what a nice surprise, I didn't expect you just yet". I hope all goes well for you.
2006-10-25 01:45:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
its not wrong its normal. u want things to be romantic like it used to be and yes its sad that a 13 year old would kno this but i was engaded once. my feance worked after school and never got home till 12 then did the 2 hours of hw so i never got to see him.
so ask him 2 take a night or 2 off 2 spend 1 on 1 SPECIAL time with YOU!!!
2006-10-25 01:56:09 · answer #9 · answered by dellangal 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know you don't want to hear this, but you did ask the question. If you hardly see your husband as it is and he is turning everything around on you when you ask him to spend more time with you, then he is fooling around. No husband is going to work long hours and hardly see his wife, then argue with her when she asks for more time with him. You need to point blank ask your husband why he thinks he is spending too much time with you when he is hardly ever there. I hope that he really is working and he's just a jerk, but in my experience with people they are always cheating. Good luck and GOD bless you.
2006-10-25 01:55:43 · answer #10 · answered by cookie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋