i have been married for 14 years and this is my first marriage and i hope my last?

Question

because i have bee through alot this person and i need to know if i should stay or go because ofall the stuff hes put me through and still does he puts me down saying i do keep the house good enough and quit my job so can stayhome and clean and that i'm fat he says he does not care ithink he does and i 'm not that big i'm about average not 7 or anything after having three kids but i'm not that bad so any way ijust cant take the putting down anymore also we have a credit card together and i can't even use it if id i get yelled for use of it and when he uses it that totally different if its him on everthing andi'm to blame for everthing too all the time what to do??? hes jerk???

Answer 1

Obviously you know what you need to do. Dont you realize a person can do bad by themselves......they dont need anyone to help them? A husband should enhance his wife, not make a mockery of her or try to make her live under his thumb. Wake up, smell the coffee and get the hell out of Dodge. Isnt 14 years of living as a prisoner long enough?

Answer 2

Sounds like he needs an attitude adjustment. That said no one ever knows what others go through in the marriage. What we see you telling us is just your side. What's his side?

If you are in a church family maybe a pastor or elder can assist? Probably hard to get him to go, but possibly marriage counseling. Maybe a good swift dose of not doing all you do will make him see all you do. Men think many times women can run the household (making meals and cleaning) and hold down a full time job, some can and do it very well others struggle. If he has a thread of truth to the house being a mess, then maybe he can help around the house. The whole family should help maintain your home, not just you. If you are having difficulty getting organized, visit www.flylady.com, a great website that assists those wanting to get organized. It also helps you to finally do other things in your life besides get organized. FLY stands for finally loving yourself.

There is no easy answer to your problems. They took a while to develop, you have been with him 14 years. I completely respect the vows of marriage, but sometimes people change to the point that makes it impossible to stay. Having 3 kids does not make it any easier. As far as the credit card goes, you two both should be on the same page with your finances. Credit Card issues can destroy a family alone. www.daveramsey.com, can assist with your whole family getting control of the spending issues in the home and finally getting out of debt for good. Dave has a radio show that talks about how to become financially strong and stay that way. He is also a christian and teaches with the heart of a christian. Probably is on a radio station near you, if not he also has his previous shows on the computer that you can listen to.

Please try to talk to someone like a pastor or counseler. Your children are suffering as bad as you are right now. Sometimes people stay together for the children, and while that is a lofty goal, sometimes it is unfair to all.

Remember somewhere in time you and that "Jerk" (Your words), loved each other. Maybe you still do.

Answer 3

first of all, go out and get a job, find a way to be self supportive again, rebuild your self esteem before you make any decisions as to what you want to do. open up your own bank account and put money into that. he does not see you as an equal partner, but sees you as a possession that he can control and use. if he is saying all these things to your face what is he saying about you behind your back. by doing what i suggest it will give you the freedom and time to consider your options. when he starts putting you down, tell him that if he has nothing nice to say then he better say nothing at all because you have heard enough. what he is doing is a form of mental cruelty, and can be used against him in divorce procedures. good luck

Answer 4

This is a form of mental abuse. You shouldn't put up with this kind of talk from anyone!! You need too GO..no question about that.
Maybe you've been with this guy for a while and you are scared too try too make it on your own, but you can and will make it. Please don't let him tell you any different either. I've been where you are, and I put up with everything you are going through and more, It took me 7 long years too get out but once i did, I never looked back. you will be much happier once you get out of this sitution.

Answer 5

Leave him and find a better guy. Are you going to live like this for the rest of your life. You have three children and if youd on't want another guy, then you spend your life with your children.

You don't live in the stone age or something.

Good luck and hope you find a happy life.

Answer 6

LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. You do not have to go through what he does to you. You are so much more valuable than that. Start saving up money so that you can go out and buy your own house. Take your kids if u want to too. That relationship could turn abusive.

Answer 7

First ask yourself truly and sincerely wether you want his company and his relationship? And then plz think of the kids. It is much much much more traumatic for kids to go through such a phase. Try and talk to him and keep your cool. If his insults persist, explain him about his negative impact on the kids however old they may be.
Good luck!

Answer 8

You didn't mention kids. I have an emotionally ABUSIVE husband like yours, but I stayed for my kids. That was a mistake because now my kids, now that they are old enough, are telling me to leave him. I will, shortly, but your husband... just like mine is someone that needs to be left. He was damaged from something and you/we are paying for it.
If you have kids, think of THEM and leave him. Your KIDS will be happier for it.
OH, and I'm size 8, after 3 kids, so I'm sure that even if you lost weight, he would find something new to complain about.

Answer 9

ok let me tell you from experience that you have some options here. if you are truly tired of him treating you like this then i would sit him down and tell him that your fed up with his mental abuse. tell him that if he cant stop then you will leave, i know its not that easy. i have been there too. most of the time it works. if you feel that your marriage is worth saving then you ask him to go with you to see a marriage counselor. its worth a shot, 90% helps most marriages too. but you both have to be willing to try. i know with having kids that it is always harder to leave then compared to if you didnt. when i left mine i totally had to depend on my family for help, but i did and now things are better for both my son and i. i was tired of the accusations going on in my marriage, i ever had a miscarriage because of the stress of everything. at that point i said enough was enough. its never easy and its always difficult, but i always asked myself when i actually left one question.......do i really want to be put down the rest of my life and think low of myself or do i want to be able to have a normal life with my kid and everything be ok?? with saying this, i noticed of the years with my ex that it affected my child too. he started acting out in anger and he was having troubles at school. now that i have moved away from all the tension and stress i have noticed a change in him, he is doing better in school and hes not acting out in anger that much anymore. these are things that you will have to consider and think about. is your realationship with your husband affecting the kids??? i hope this helps a lot. good luck to you and i hope everything works out with you and your family whatever you decide to do.

Answer 10

just tell him the next time he puts you down,, that his words are hurtful and if he think s he can do better then go get another wife to put up with his Bull Chit!