Do you consider that an oxymoron? My husband and I are former swingers. I got so confused that I cheated to see if I could find something 'real' and individual. Now I'm consider a cheater because he didn't watch and know about the guy(s).
What do you think?
2006-10-25 01:34:07 · 17 answers · asked by Valeria 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Former means that he stopped when he gained too much weight to be appealing to anyone. So when he stopped, I was happy to stop. But it left me feeling like a piece of meat.
2006-10-25 01:53:44 · update #1
This is only my opinion but yes you have cheated.......at the start of your swinging life you would have set up rules and boundaries and you have gone against them for you own desire. I imagine in swinging it was just about sex and the fun with being with other people....but you went out on your own and were looking for something more than just sex.....so sorry you have cheated.
It is like say you and your partner agreed to play on webcam ...but one day you did it without him (and never told him...but he found out later).....do you consider this a breach of trust.......anything that breaks that trust barrier you have with your husband is cheating...
sorry dear you have cheated....but that is just my opinion.
2006-10-25 01:53:44 · answer #1 · answered by Fiji_bound2007 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I am so sorry. I am sure you feel just terrible and so does he.
But you kind of broke the cardinal rule that he would know about anything you were doing with or without him.
You probably should have talked to him about trying soft swing or something prior to just going out and doing it. It also makes me a bit nervous that you say you were looking for something "real" and then called your husband fat. That is not a good sign.
I am sure your husband is not feeling very good about himself right now. You should encourage him to tone up so you can get back into things together again. (If that is what you want to do)
But I would say a great big YES......If you were out looking for something "real" you were cheating. You were looking to maybe move on and replace him. How should he feel?
2006-10-25 09:13:35 · answer #2 · answered by Littlebit 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not sure what a "former" swinger is. I have an open marriage. Sometimes we swing but sometimes we have sex with others. The rule is that my wife has to meet this person and know about it first and visa-versa. We don't consider it cheating and frankly don't care what anyone else thinks. It is enjoyable for us. So before all you holier than thou, judgemental, holy rollers chime in, we are not concerned with your opinion, nor do we try to shove our lifestyle down everyone elses throat. It works for us and it is not for every one.
2006-10-25 08:42:30 · answer #3 · answered by MrNiceGuy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The swinger lifestyle means you are open about your adventures. As long as both of you know and approve of what the other is doing it is fair game....
Once one stops being open and sees people in secret, that openess ends and the jealousy come out.
I am afraid I agree with your hubby. You didn't go out with that guy for sexual pleasure, you went out to find a new spouse...therefore you are cheating......Sorry.
2006-10-25 08:39:02 · answer #4 · answered by Judy the Wench 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you did cheat if within your swinger rules you and your partner had an honest relationship and you went ahead and did something different. When you decided to go out on your own and not be honest, that's when you cheated.
2006-10-25 08:38:43 · answer #5 · answered by prinheartgirl 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like cheating but your husband gave you the key to the door so to speak. Don't live with regret as you cannot change it, you are not a bad person and if he loves you he will see that. Tell him why you did it and hopefully he'll be a man and listen and understand.
2006-10-25 08:39:17 · answer #6 · answered by Tallie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that this really wierd because not only i would worried about some kind of diesease or someone coming after me for sleeping with someone else but u have think both of are cheaters because u are do it to each other not one ok this may sound not what u want but this what ithink ? and yeah thats not fair to blame u for that because he isn'nt watching he just much of cheater to !!!!!!
2006-10-25 08:40:20 · answer #7 · answered by kandie g 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think, and this is just my opinion, that you are getting what you deserve. Your life style of swinging has cheapened your marriage, sex with others was ok.
So you go out on your own and consider it ok....you made your bed, now you have to lay down in it and take the consequences.
2006-10-25 08:38:22 · answer #8 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You broke the only rulew. you are a slapper and wh@re and he is better off wiothout you. Swinging is also about trust...what a filthy tramp you turned out to be, he must fewel sick to hi stomache at the betrayal.......I hope you end your days fat lonelyu and depressed.
2006-10-25 08:36:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
if u were in a true swinger realtionship, there should have been no need to go sneaking around. sounds to me like you didn't like it when hubby was around.
2006-10-25 12:02:27 · answer #10 · answered by mj_jll 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋