I am married for 1 month and my and my husband live together with his mom, because his father died 2 years ago. I've visited his place very often, maybe 2 and a half years before we got married.His mother was/is nice but now, when I moved into his apartment, everything changed. It's like my mother-in-law doesn't agree with on anything.I started to renew the apartment, and she keeps behaving like it is only hers and I am a guest.that really annoys me, because she tells everything to my husband, not me, and then he comes and argue with me.She is so stubborn,and really old-fashioned ,but she thinks that she is right about everything.that really annoys me, because I argue with my husband because of her(and he is really attached to her).I am sick of being treated like I am guest in THEIR home, and I've spent so much money on renewing it.Help me pls, some advise, I can't take it anymore.He is so nice with me, when we are alone, and so far.
2006-10-25 01:25:30 · 12 answers · asked by bilezlatko 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She is not a bad person, but everything I do or change in my home it is like she dislikes it.My family is educated, hers is not.We had a lot of money and they don't.She doesn't want to recognize that I understand more in designing than she.My husb and I wanted to live in my house since it's so big, but because of not letting her alone, we agreed to live with her.So, not living with her is out of the question.And there's also his sister.My mother always bring stuff to her place, buys her food and etc.I don't mind that, but I don't wann afeel like I am merried to myself, you know.It is like everyone's against me
?Is the problem in me?I don't know, I just wanna make things better.We haven't even made the wedding yet, because of his Dad death.And imagine,it has been 2 t\years since he died.Why is she so common?
2006-10-25 01:46:04 · update #1
This is about more than decorating. I can see both sides as I have a mother-in-law that I've never really liked and a son whom will one day be married. There is no easy answer. Live with her only as long as you have to. She has a daughter, why can't she live with her? Two grown women can not live together no matter how they are related. I could never live with my mother or my sister let alone my mother-in-law! Someday you will get your own place and then both you and she will have a easier time of putting up with each other. Just don't put your husband in the middle, this must be very hard for him. Last bit of advice, you sound as if you feel she is inferior to you. Not a good way to be. Give her some credit, she raised your husband and you love him enough to have married him. If he knows how you feel he will think you also feel superior to him.
2006-10-25 02:02:37 · answer #1 · answered by Ellen L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband need a place of your own. Your mother-in-law is very much attached to her son who I'm sure she still sees as her little boy and more so she since is a widow. She is jealous that he now has you in his life. It will be always be difficult for him to pick your side over his, this is the woman who carried him for 9 months and brought him into this world so...
The best thing is to avoid the conception of these conflicts and that means you have to terminate your living arrangement. Your husband may not like the idea of you leaving his mother to live alone and in that case you have to tell him to decide whether he wants to save your marriage or not. But do it in a gentle way.
2006-10-25 08:52:35 · answer #2 · answered by Cinderella 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The simple truth is that you are in her space afterall, she liked her flat the way its always been before you came along. She likes you (at least, she allowed you marry her son with no objections), and people do change with time.
You also can't expect your husband to hate his mother. What you need to discuss with your husband (in a matured and gentle manner), is to let him know that she is coming in between you both, hence you need your own space. Failure to comply will result in you moving out. It takes two to make a marriage not one so both of you should reach a compromise.
Its either this or risk being miserable for the rest of your life. Its your choice.
2006-10-25 08:52:49 · answer #3 · answered by Banana Pie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
anything is going to change with your mother-in-law, you and your husband need to be on the same team. Where is he in all of this? He may not believe that his mother told lies about you, but how does he feel about the amount of intrusion that you experience from his mother? What was his response to her letting herself in to your house and watching you make love? If there is any agreement between you about the inappropriateness of her behavior, you may be able to work together to set some boundaries. Perhaps your mother-in-law would be open to some gentle help from her son to "getting a life of her own." If your husband doesn't understand your distress and his role in it, you may have to force him to choose who he wants to be married to - you or his mother. Let me know how things go.
2006-10-25 08:27:45 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband really need to live alone. If she needs help, get some sort of aide. It is not going to work, two women living together, been there - done that.
As far as how your husband is acting, he's in the middle. Its got to be tough for him. I think his mother is jealous of you and that is her problem.
Tell him you cannot live with her any longer and see what happens. I wish you luck.
2006-10-25 09:42:50 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey swetie,I can understand your feelings. His mother is jelous. I know it sounds sick, but listen... and since you said they are very close that makes me feel stronger about my opinion. you are taking away her little boy and she is not the only one in his life and so she has hostility towards you. She may or maynot mean to be this way towards you but either way this is not healthy for any of you. save your $ and move. If youlove your husband and want this to work out, it's the only way. This is very hard on him as well, the two women in his life he loves more than anything are at each other's throats. and you are both going to him and putting him in the middle. Move out sweetie, and save your marriage. you will have your own home and she can be a guest in YOUR home. I think you wil all get along much happier! Hope I helped. if ya want to chat...tabbicat2006@yahoo.com
2006-10-25 08:37:45 · answer #6 · answered by tabbicat2006 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The problem is she needs to realize that she isn't the only inportant woman in his life anymore. She is showing signs of jealouisly, she really needs to grow up. Maybe it's because her husband past away to that she is acting that way. Try talking to her and your husband and let them know how you feel. She dosen't want to lose her son like she lost her husband, you know she feels like she don;t want him to go anywhere
2006-10-25 08:34:18 · answer #7 · answered by Monie 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He needs to be on your side and be in agreement that his mother needs to go. If not, then you leave, he's a mama's boy that has a problem cutting himself off from her apron strings.
2006-10-25 08:31:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well like it or not, you are a guest in her home. Hold off on the remoldeling until you get a place of your own
2006-10-25 08:28:30 · answer #9 · answered by classy&sassy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will have to tell your husband about this cardinal rule.
For the sake of your marriage, anything you say about his mother remains with him and everything his mother says about you remains with him too.
It worked for me!
2006-10-25 08:32:49 · answer #10 · answered by Tired 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋