My husband has friends that are girls whom I haven't met, he thinks I'm jelous, what should I do? Big problem.

Question

I think it is important in a marriage for both parties to know each others friends. My husband has friends that are girls, that I haven't met yet. I want to meet them, but every time I am not home, they seem to appear. It bothers me, and I let him know that. He thinks I'm jelous and don't trust him. We just got married in July, 06, and this is becoming a problem. I don't know what to do anymore. I love my husband very much, and I do trust him, but I am a woman, and I know what other girls can be like. My husband doesn't seem to understand me. Please help me explain this to him, or give me some advice on what I can do to make this better. I really need to talk. This is my first marriage, and I don't want this to ruin our relationship. I know he loves me, but this , in my books, is a problem I really can't figure out how to solve. And I don't want my husband to think I am jelous anymore, but if he screws around on me, and I find out, I don't know what I'll do. PLEASE HELP!

Answer 1

i feel 4 you. I was once in the same position as you. While I told myself that I wasn't jealous, I was definately insecure because of the way i was treated in past relationships. You need to realise that if your husband truely loves you he wont stray. Make an effort to meet his friends, have a dinner party and invite them over. Dont complain about it all the time to your husband, the more you go on about it the more you will just push him away. If he isnt doing anything wrong imagine how he must feel thinking his new wife doesn't trust him. in time this feelin wil pass. You cant change your husband, but change yourself &he wil follow.

Answer 2

The really important thing is that you become strong in yourself. A separation and even a divorce, although not welcome events in your life, could be the event that propel you into growing into a deeper and more happy person who could look back on this time in your life and view it with gratitude. Really. But not right away. It is hard work to grow through a major betrayal by someone you have trusted very deeply. With a good therapist you can do it, however.

If your husband is willing, there may be a point where you could both engage a couple's counselor who could help you learn anew about one another and learn to negotiate your relationship so that you could build trust together. Initially, however, I think that your work is to begin a journey with yourself.

I wish you all the best and would love to hear how you are doing.

Answer 3

Honey, he needs to listen to you. Your husband's friends are fine, but why is it they only show up when you aren't there. Tell him it might be innocent, but it looks suspicous. That you love him, and trust him but there women out there that a wedding ring is just a green light. They are predators. I am not saying that his friends are, but you do have a right to meet these people. They are coming into your home, and you should know them.

I was very young when I got married, I was 18, my husband was 23 and experienced. He had women calling him for awhile after we married, because they didn't know. 97% backed off, and congratulated us, but that other 3% couldn't see that he was off the market, he literally had to threaten one of them. I was so jealous and worried that he would leave me, I watched the clock, I watched the mileage on his car, I mean I was a wreck. I never sent him running, and me to the looney bin. He was the one that help me the most, we talked and he did little extra things to show me he cared, like calling before he left work, he told me where he was going. I had to let go of the jealous, not to say I still not get jealous...yes even after 26 years..because Honey there are some physco's out there.

Men don't realize that some women take everything to heart. Men do this do. Have you ever seen the movie where the woman cooked her lover's family's bunny. It happens, my husband innocently told a girl that he would take for a ride on his bike, she told her boss, who happens to be a good friend of mine, that she need a day off because my husband had just asked her out on the date. Honey, he needs to respect your wishes and concerns.

You have got to trust!, but he's also plays a part in this...he has to earn that trust, and not give you undo worry. This is causing you concern, and he should respect you enough to ask these girls not to come around. He's married now, and the rules changed when he said I do. I hope you can explain to him, how this making you feel, because you are hurting. And that's not fair, and it's not good for your new marriage. Please try again to talk with him, ask if what would he do if you had a bunch of guys over when he's not home. Bet he would have something to say.
Hoping that he can see this is a big deal, and that he needs to do something about it...you can't do this on your own..

God bless us all..............

Answer 4

Gal, I feel sorry for you. You let him get away with this, I tell you, you will never be happy in your marriage. I bet you he is sleeping with these women. Surely if he were not, he would have introduced you to them a long time ago. Why should they come to your house when you are not there! By right he should not be having girls as friends, fine he came have workmate or some girls he knows but it should not to the extent that he brings them home, especially when you are not there! I would watch his movements big time, some people are not who they pretend to be. Even once he has introduced them to you just be careful. People do silly things in life. They might take your man!!!!! Good luck, I feel for you
E

Answer 5

well girl this is a big problem i think in my eyes two ..... and i would have to say your husband is so wrong by doing this your his wife and he should want you to meet all his friends and as for * oh your never home when they are here * will maybe that's the way he likes it and that's wrong in so many ways all you can do is talk to him and tell him this is hurting you and if he don't stop this that you two are going to have big problems and tell him you don't want that you love him very much that's why you married him ....and as for you being jealous i would think you have every right to be he's your husband you should be the only girl in his life THE ONLY ONE ..your husband should be looking out for your feeling only

Answer 6

I wont even bother reading other people's answers on this....too many unintelligent peope on these boards...

The bottom line is this, you two are MARRIED. You are entitled to ALL he has and is, and he is entitled to all you are......in my humble opinion, once the rings are on the fingers, the two people married are bound as one for LIFE. He has no business having female companions you do not know.....he has all the female companionship he needs....he has a WIFE...that is her ROLE....just the same for you, no male companions, that is your husbands role......

sorry, I don't give a crap what "year" it is, there is a reason the divorce rate is at a whopping 60%...because stupid people think they know everything and that they can do whatever the hell "feels good" at the moment.

One Man, One Woman- For LIFE.

Tell your husband its these OUTSIDERS or you. He needs to make a choice. A wife deserves better.

Answer 7

"I want to meet them, but every time I am not home, they seem to appear. It bothers me, and I let him know that" this lil quote from your question is huge! I think your husband is a jerk and is being completely unsensitive to your feelings. For his "friends" to show up at your house while your not home is just plain wrong. Its your home and they need to show you respect, which is seems from my end that you are not getting. Seems extremely sneaky and untrustworthy. You have reason to be concerned and if he can't be a man and fess up whats going on, why you can't meet them you have to put your foot down and make some changes. Good luck m God Bless

Answer 8

Be realistic....are you jealous? Really? If not, talk to him and tell him what's on your mind. If you are, get help! You need to understand that if your husband really loves you he has no interest in being with any other woman. But he may have to be around these women as co-workers, etc. If they are former girl friends then they need to respect your relationship and step back.

Answer 9

You both have problems FIRST I have male friends and have always had them and there never has or ever will be anything but friendship between us. YOUR problem is your not trusting him and your only basting it on the fact that these are female friends. Did these friends exist before you met and married him? HIS problem is..if they are just friends AND your going to invite them to you and your WIFE'S home...the least he can do is have you meet them. Personally If I can't meet your friends, they damn sure shouldn't be in MY home. Sit him down and express yourself and come to a decision that fit you both and RESPECTS you both.

Answer 10

i am agree with you. if he loves you, he should care you and your feelings more than "just friends". are you sure those "friends" know that you are married ? why does he want to meet with them alone and when you are away ? i dont feel good.. i think you are right about your feelings. nobody wants to be in that difficult situation but so long as he continues the same behaviours, believe me, nothing will change and you will get hurt more. peopel dont change in one day. i dont believe he will change. (sorry i am negative) it is so sad to face with it after you get married with him. i dont think what you feel is just childsh jealousy. it sounds like feeling left out or 2nd plan.
it is a typical defense mechanism to blame one for being jealousy and not trusting him in that situation. when he says that you are jealous, you begin to feel guilty about your feelings. no ! he should respect how you feel. good or bad. he says like that because he wants you to shut your mouth up, he wants you allow him to meet with those girls when you are away. that is why he blames you for jealousy and not trusting him.
when he says that you are jealous, it doesnt make you feel better. he doesnt see how you feel. he should have showed you more love and care and if you are with him, you should come first than any type of freinds, that is why it cals "life partner". i wouldnt trust that sort of man and i hope i will never get married that kind of man. i can feel how difficult and sad... well.. the best is to talk abuot it in detail with him, but i think he will not give you more details and he will say "i got bored of your feeling insecure, you are jealous, you dont trust me.. " bla bla bla... the real love prefers you against to whole the world. you are lucky to saw his this face at early marriage. be calm. talk at first, if nothing changes, there is nothing to lose. you dont have to bear that much pain just because his and is girls' pleasure. i know it was a very negative post, but that is how i think and feel. if it hurt you, i am sorry. i hope everything goes well for you.