Why? Why? Why?

Question

1. Let's just say a husband had discreet relationships with several other women other than his wife. Do you think his love for his wife is no longer there when he committed the relationships?.

2. And now that the wife seeks for a divorce after all efforts fail. Yet he doesnt want to let go of her. Is this a classic example of a dog and his bone? No love still but just something that is hard to let go?

3. What else can u make out of this situation?

Your views please...thank U

Answer 1

1. A man can have a physical relationship with a woman and still cherish and feel deep love for his wife. But doing so obviously breaks the trust and commitment he should be sharing with his wife
2. Dog and his bone or have cake and eat it too? I would say yes, wants the best of all worlds!
3. The wife has given her all and knows its hopeless. needs to find new direction in life since all trust is lost on this one. One indiscretion can happen but several is a perpetual cheater.

Answer 2

He still loves his wife and probably cares about her as well. It is just hard to let go as well. I have been the other woman in a relationship where I initially was not told he was married. We have been together for several years.

I have no doubt he loves me and I truly have no doubt he loves his wife and cares about her. I think that when you allow someone in your life it is difficult at best.

I have for now accepted the situation because I cannot let go even though I need to for all the right reasons. She has no idea about me but suspects he is having an affair just can't prove it and I will never tell her, she has called my number and I told her he is one of my clients.

The why of this situation to me is do you want to let it go? He loves you and you will always have a bond. I don't believe men that cheat on their wives ever mean to hurt them or feel any less love for them sometimes they are just no longer "in" love and don't leave for many different reasons.

It sucks and I know there are some reading this thinking you whore, homewrecker etc. my answer to all is don't judge until you live in someone's shoes.

He is not being a dog with his bone - he is a man who loves his wife and unfortunately has emotionally involved someone else he also cares about and doesn't want to hurt as well.

Answer 3

First, although you may feel like making an ultimatum such as, "You have to choose between her or me," this would not be the wisest course of action at this time. Your husband states that he and this woman are not having an affair, and though phone calls and expensive gifts are upsetting to you, they are not definitive proof that he has been unfaithful to you.

Secondly, even if he is having an affair, it is not necessarily the death knell to your marriage. If he is having an affair, then you may need to make the decision to stay or leave the marriage based upon a variety of factors. Some of them might be your religious beliefs, your feelings toward your husband, the effect of divorce upon your children and many other issues, information about which I do not have. I don't believe that this particular scenario should be your immediate concern.

For the present time I would suggest that you find a therapist and enter therapy even if your husband is unwilling to join you in the sessions. The therapist will be able to help you sort out your feelings and provide you with some emotional support. She or he can help improve your own sense of self-worth and explore possible connections that this situation may be bringing up for you. A therapist can help you to get some clarity on this.

I read once that sexual infidelity by itself is not what's most disturbing to women -- it's the betrayal of intimacy. When a couple has two small children, it's not uncommon for there to be no time for each other, so the fact that he finds the time to talk with this other women is upsetting, aggravating, and frightening. To you it may feel that he is pulling away from the family and this leaves you feeling vulnerable to possible abandonment.

But women aren't the only ones who feel changed by the experience of having children. Men can also feel that they are less interesting or sexually desirable. Your husband is probably flattered by this other woman's attention, as the interest that you once focused on him is now taken up by your children.

A first step towards reconnecting with your husband would be to get a babysitter on a regular basis so that the two of you can go out for dinner or a movie. Or have the sitter take the children out so that you two can have the time to be intimate without small children barging into the bedroom or both of you passing out from sheer exhaustion at the end of a day of work and family responsibilities. Make the time for each other. Having children means that spontaneity must now be scheduled.

In your letter, you had an insight into this young woman's behavior. She is probably too young to realize the effect that her actions are having on your marriage. Be friendly to her at work and don't overreact when she calls. Be patient with yourself and get the support that I suggested so that you have someone to talk to who can help you to find other ways to deal with the stress that this situation is causing in your life.

Good luck,

Answer 4

Having cheated personally, i think that cheating is a way out of a relationship. There were obviously issues he had with the relationship or possibly seeked excitement in other places. the thing is he wanted the safety and security of a marriage to fall back on. Now the wife is fed up he's got the classic case of you don't know what you've got til it's gone. He might be scared of what's ahead and not wanting to let go. Personally i think if he cheated more than once there is no way she should give him another go. Who wants to be with someone who treats you like that? She should respect herself and her decision to get rid of him.

Answer 5

He's just plain selfish and has a problem with commitments. If he doesn't want to let go, it doesn't necessarily mean that he's still in love with the wife. It's just an indication that he is reluctant to pay for alimony and legal fees. He's secretly hoping that his wife will close an eye to all his affairs while he continues to fool around without hurting his pocket!

Answer 6

1) The moment a person cheats on his partner, they broke up wth them already (unless he's got a mental disorder) because they just don't care enough to think of who will they hurt. Love was never there.
2) Yes. A dog with a bone.
3)Nothing else, its a black and white sort of thing. Why would you cheat if you loved her? Why won't you let go when its just really over and she wants to go? Shoulda never gotten married then.

Answer 7

yep, hes a dog and he wants his bone! He's one of those who doesnt want you, but the doesnt want anyone else to have you either! Let him go girl, the only reason it hurts is because you used to having him around, but just think, why would you want to be with someone you cant trust? One day i promise you will say to yourself "what did i make such a big fuss for" all those other woman, their doing you a favor, you just cant see it. Please dont be another weak woman!

Answer 8

1. I believe he is still in love.
2. Classic cake and eat it too.
3. Men are programmed to want to sleep with as many women as they can. The problem is when you get married then you made an absolute vow to be with one and only one woman...period.

Answer 9

The wife needs to leave the husband he will never stop sleeping around..He should of thought about what would happen before.

Answer 10

This man doesnt love anyone he just needs constantly to seek the gratification of others he wont ever be a one woman man unless he changes his life