How do I trust again?

Question

I'v been through two serious break-ups recently and I've lost all my trust in guys. The first guy i was completly besotted with and he broke me heart. The second guy was my bestest best friend and knew all about the last guy, yet we made the mistake of dating and both ended up hurting each other so much. I'm scared that this will screw up future relationships because I'm so worried that it will always be like this..,.any advice is appreciated. xxx

Answer 1

Number one relax. Ok so you had two bad breakups. It happens to all of us at one time or another. It will take time to heal. Not all relationships end up in a bad break up.
I understand it can be scary to trust again and easy not to. But the problem can become that you can start to mistrust more people for various reasons & then you may miss out on lots ot great people whom you can trust. A sense of mistrust can be a controlling factor in your life.
Take small steps in trusting men you are dating. Like can you trust him to call when he says. Or show up when he says he will. If he doesn't does he have a valid reason for not doing what he says he was doing to do.
By taking small steps you learn if he is a trustworthy person. Sometimes the most trustworthy person can still hurt you.
Just be careful and take it slow. BUT do trust again. You may miss out if you don't.
Not to be a nag but remember the guy needs to feel he can trust you too but that doesn't mean you need to spill out all your secrets on the first date. It just means you need to keep your word to him also.
This may not help now but hopefully someday it will.
Best wishes for a happy and trustworthy life.

Answer 2

That's the ups and downs of love and life. We have all gone through it, we all think we won't trust again. But life is a cycle. It won't always be like this. Guess we have to suffer a lot bef finding the right one. There will be others and maybe will get hurt again but it's worth try'g. Remember the best moments u have live with them and put everything else aside. We learnt a lot from relationship and people we meet in our life.

Answer 3

Its not bad to be 'cautious' in the future. Do not lose trust with someone because not all people are the same. It will also ruin your relationships with others if the 'doubt' is always there. Always beleive in yourself and what you are. Just always believe that the right guy will come in the right time and place.

Answer 4

hm...

I don't know how YOU trust again,
that is a good question tho.
How I trusted again.
.
.
All women that I'd dated (except one) left me.
usually for lies
or
something in their imagination.
so
I came to the conclusion that
ALL WOMEN CANNOT BE THIS WAY
and
waited to see what came to me!

well,
what came to me for about 3 YEARs
were liars, gold digger, too needy, drama queen, co-dependent etc.
(who wants someone that can't or won't take care of themselves?)
then
slowly
that has started to change.
I must be
DOING
something different now
but I don't know what it is..
but
what ever it is I seem to attract a positive woman now.
.
so
.
I believe that
trust that all people (men in your case/question) can't be this way (the way your ex were)!
and
WAIT and SEE who/what comes to you!
and
if,
in the meantime you see someone that you like
then ask them out..
.
.
what may be different
is in this time
my group of friends did increase
mostly women
and these women are positive, independent (without hurting others) and the gold digger type usually don't like my friends.
.
.

Answer 5

this happens many times with us. we do not know who to trust and are worried about making any new relationship. This time test the waters before jumping in. Good luck.

Answer 6

Give yourself time to heal and get over your hurt. I don't know if you are a Christian ore not but pray about it and ask God to help you and most importantly you must forgive both men, I know it is not easy but as long and you don't you will carry that hurt and pain around with you for a long long time. God Bless and my prayers are with you.

Answer 7

You definitely need time for yourself sweetie and don't give up whatever happen in the past should only make you wiser and learn from your mistakes its better to have love than not loved at all.

Answer 8

You haven't found Mr. Rite yet.
It won't "always be like this"
If your distrustful, you'll lose your spontenaty and never have fun.

Answer 9

Maybe you need to widen your circle of friends.Get more of a smorgasbord so-to speak!