I'm 21 and I've never seen my dad. I just recently found someone who I think is him. He has the same name, born in the same month and year, and has previously lived where I am from. I have a phone number and an address. I wrote a letter to him bc I'm to scared to actually call the number. What if he has another wife and kids? Would I be hurting his family by contacting him or is my need to actually know who my dad is more important? I don't know what I should do, and what would be the easiest on him.
2006-10-24 21:44:58 · 17 answers · asked by Chi1linVi1lain 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
oh, btw stan t...i'm a girl...please dont call me "son" :)
2006-10-24 21:52:25 · update #1
He lives in Utah and I live in Ohio...there really isn't a way for us to meet up...and the phone number I have is to his home that he shares with another woman...what if she picks up and wonders who the hell I am?
2006-10-24 21:58:15 · update #2
yeah, he knows I exist...he was in my life for the first 6 months before he took off
2006-10-24 22:00:08 · update #3
I wish I could give you the perfect answer to your question, the problem is that I am not you or your father so I don't know what either of you will feel when the time comes to make a decision.
My advice would be to follow your heart regardless of what the outcome may be. You will be able to live with the fact that you tried and that you have some closure to the mystery.
Everything happens for a reason. The reason for you wanting to at least contact him is reason enough to follow through at least to a point that you are satisfied knowing what you find out. No-one is perfect, so don't expect too much - everything else will take care of itself.
I wish you the very best of luck and if it doesn't work out for you, I want you to know that I am proud of you for your courage and your initiative.
2006-10-25 01:46:40 · answer #1 · answered by jarhed 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should research just to be 100% sure that this guy is your dad, Ask your mom or anyone else who knows your origins. It's a bit ticklish coz if you happened to make contact with him, chances are he already has another family by now. This could bring some sort of problem to the present family assuming that they do no know of your existence. And more so if the guy actually isn't your dad..
If you have confirmed it, you could call him privately, let yourself be known and observe his reaction. Do not introduce yourself prematurely to his family, let him do it himself in his own time.
2006-10-25 04:55:00 · answer #2 · answered by Ai 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in a similar circumstance... my mom and birth father divorced when I was 1 1/2 and I have not seen him since. I have searched for him and his family and thought I had found him, with no success. In the end, I have a father. The man who raised me and treated me as his own daughter. That man is my daddy. Yes I still have questions for my birth father, but I don't care any more.
This is a difficult decision you are facing. And you never know how he will react. No one can predict it. I say if it means that much to you, go for it.
Good luck to you.
P.S. I am 38.
Jill
2006-10-25 04:52:23 · answer #3 · answered by next.... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No real answer to this situation. It all depends. My daughter was taken from me by her mother and later put up for adoption. She's now 36. I haven't seen her since she was six months old. I was her biological father and back then we had no rights. She was my only kid. For a long time that really messed me up. I had a tough time dealing with it. Finally, I just went through a grieving process and it was like she died. It was the only way I could cope. I often wonder how would I react if she wanted to contact me. I'm single now. The way I have it worked out in my mind is to what purpose? Why? What good would it do? For my daughter it would simply satisfy a deep curiosity. What do I look like? Am I wealthy? Do I have any genetic illness that she might encounter later in life such as cancer? For me it would be emotionally traumatic. I dreamed one night a few years ago that I met her. Messed me up for a couple of days. Like running into someone with whom at one time you were very much in love and now they barely remember your name. It wasn't the meeting that so much as it was her leaving again. And I knew I would never see her after that. Just her wanting to see me to satisfy her curiosity. No love bond. Just curiosity. What about all those years that were stolen from me? They can't be ignored like they never happened I remember a profound sense of powerlessness when her mother left with her. Nothing I could do. So at least now I have some say in the matter, and I would probably say no. Not after all I went through. . But I never stopped loving that little baby in all the pictures I have. Your father may be different. Dunno.....
2006-10-25 05:11:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, I didn't have my dad growing up until i was 17 i'm 26 now. I think u should contact him. does he know about u. i mean that he possibly has another child out there. I don't think u will impose on him and his if he has a new family. ur grown now ur just looking for ur father. any caring individual should be compassionate to that and no hard feelings. Just introduce ur self and be prepared for what may happen good or bad. hopefully, good! Don't set high expectations just let what may happen be. Good Luck!
2006-10-25 04:57:41 · answer #5 · answered by destiny386 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've answered most of your own questions son. You also took the first step. Be careful, you may open a Pandora's box for him. Follow through with your note and allow him to answer it. Let him know your feelings. There may have been a lot of problems created that made him leave. He might have a lot of heartache. If he doesn't want contact there's nothing you can do legally or morally! leave it go.
2006-10-25 04:50:05 · answer #6 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes you should contact him. if he happens to have another family now that doesnt mean they wont welcome you in. atleast if you try then maybe you can cure your curiosity. Think about both ways it could go though. I say this bc it is good to also not get so excited about it that it hurts you real bad if he doesnt make contact back. By doing this you will be the bigger person who has made the first step.
2006-10-25 04:55:45 · answer #7 · answered by BJTD 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound very considerate thinking of what would be best for him. Try a phone call....ask if he can talk...and then see if he would like to meet you in a public place....good way to start
2006-10-25 04:49:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
hello i recon u should contact your dad as everyone needs a dad and everyone needs someone special i there lives my mum and dad and family are my special people in my life i do recon you should contact him even if he has a wife and kids there still your brothers or sisters there still apart of you good luck.
2006-10-25 05:42:57 · answer #9 · answered by pinky 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ther is no harm in calling him or finding out if he was your father,maybe if he was the guy you think he was,if ever he already had a family,there's nothing wrong in finding out the truth.and tell his family that you're not demanding on something or what,just finding out how your father looks like and wanted to see him.do what you think is right.goodluck and god bless....
2006-10-25 04:51:34 · answer #10 · answered by carmi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋