Would you be angry?

Question

My 23yr old son, daughter-in-law and 17mo old have moved in with us for hopefully a short time. Son is currently not working but going to school, just got out of the service. I watch the baby during the day. My son does not lift a finger around the house at all. We are not asking for money or even for him to do anything. Twice this week he has left a pair of jeans on the living room floor all night and the next day because he fell asleep on the couch. I said tonight, after the baby toys and all were picked up, "now if we can just get Chad to not leave his jeans on the floor" and he got extremely rude. Told me we needed to pick up our stuff around the house, he's tired of looking at it. That stuff is bills and mail laying on the counter because I haven't gotten to them yet. Said I talk to him like a child. I am so so angry I'm not sure how to calm down. Would that pis* you off or am I being a nagging mom?

Daughter in law is working. I have no issues with her.

Answer 1

It's your home, you can do whatever you want. He is temporarily there so he should know better and be thankful that you are willing to help them (all 3 not just 1.) I think you are being a typical mom.
He is probably upset that his parenst still have to take him in, and anything to remind him will probably piss him off. It's better to say something NOW, before it is too late and you have to pick up after your daughter-n-law and grandkid.

Answer 2

Nagging, maybe. Why are you picking up the baby toys and his Jeans? Why is his wife not helping out with the house hold chores?

I am sorry school is very good but when you have a child of your own, you need to have some kind of income. Even if he only works part time, that is at least diapers and formula. He needs to step up and take care of his family and that includes doing his family's dishes, clothes, and other duties. He also needs to get his wife to help you out too.

Answer 3

You are in the right!
People pay big money for a maid, a nanny, a roof over their head, and a personal assistant!! And he's getting all those in one for free! Understandably school can be difficult, buy millions of people go through college and work and support families at the same time. You are wonderful for letting him just focus on one with the only stipulation being pick up after yourself.
He has life very good right now and should be reminded of that.

Answer 4

I bet he didn't leave his jeans on the floor when he was on base in the service.......so, he should know better!

I don't have experience with adult children, yet. Got a 16-year-old and a 7-year-old. If I were in your situation I would definitely feel that I was being disrespected. Yet, I know you don't want to alienate your son and his family.

I think the best thing is to sit down with your son and tell him that you are happy to provide a place for him and his family to stay on a TEMPORARY basis. You're providing a roof over his head at no charge all you ask in return is that he and his family clean up after themselves. It is fair and reasonable for him to appreciate and accept that.

As far as the bills lying around -- if he brings it up again I would tell him he can maybe offer his opinion in how they are organized if he helps you pay them. Otherwise it is none of his business.

Answer 5

Your situation sounds a little like mine with my daughter and her 11th month and her boyfriend not helping around my house and trying to tell me what needs to be done in my own house.

My advise to you is tell them what you need to have happen in YOUR house and tell them what will happen if they do not do these things. Then STAND FIRM.. If things do not go the way they should follow through with what you said will happen. What ever it needs to be.

You son was in the service so we know he knows how to pick up after himself. Is he completly out of the service.? Even if he is not and things get really bad call a recuiter office and explain things to them. TRUST me these guys love to help. Maybe you can get one of them to come over to your house and "talk" your son about how he is treating your hospitality. A drill sargent would love to talk to your son at 4am about how he needs to clean up after himself.

And NO you are not being a nag. IT IS YOUR HOUSE. If you want him to jump up and down three times before he comes into the house then so be it, it is your house and your rules and what YOU say goes.

Like my mom use to say " if you dont like it, dont let the door hit you where to good lord split you".

Answer 6

yes that would piss me off severly. You are doing his family a favor by letting them live there and he should respect that. He is a big boy and needs to learn how to pick up after himself anyway. My husband is the same way about leaving his crap around the house for me to pick up so what I do if I get too irritated about it is leave it there and if he wants to wear it and it is dirty then its his own fault for not taking it to the laundry room. I once went a month not picking up all of his Army crap that was scattered on the floor bc he told me he wasnt going to pick it up but let it be known that after a while he got tired of it being there and picked the crap up. He doesnt need his mommy to pick up after him anymore. Your house is your house and it can have anything you want laying around.

Answer 7

Tell him if he wants to be treated like and adult then act like one. Tell him that this is your house and you will decide what stays and what goes and that you have earned that right because it is your house! As for clothing on the floor toss it in the garbage when he leaves it and then tell him you have no idea where it is, I do this with my son, he will stop leaving stuff around if it is know where to be found. make it difficult for him, if it is too good what is the reason to move?

Answer 8

Sweetheart no you are not being a nagging mom. But it does sound like you are afraid to lay down some ground rules around your home. First off, you gave them a place to stay free of charge, secondly you babysit for them, and sounds like you are being their maid in cleaning up behind him. You have the right to let him know what you will and won't accept in your home. So he needs to be a man and respect that or be a man and get out on his own. Yes I would be upset also if one of my kids were rude with me. But I promise you it would only take one time for them to get out of place with me. They would never so much as even think about doing it again. I commend you for helping them out while they are trying to get their life on track but you do not have to be afraid to stand up for whats right in your own home.

Answer 9

No you're not a nagging mom. And you have the right to be mad because it IS your house and therefore he should respect your rules.

If you don't mind me asking: what's your daughter in law been doing? She should be helping out too.

Answer 10

Sounds like your son needs a reality check. You are the owner of the house. He needs to follow your rules and requests or else hit the road. That is your home, lay down the rules. Your son either needs to accept them or find his own living space.