how to observe etiquettes?

Question

can anyone enlighten me what are the etiquettes to be observed as a guest and a host? how to behave in a party and how to receive and entertain the guests?

Answer 1

Things the Ideal Wedding Guest Will Remember
Don’t be late! If a wedding invitation says that the ceremony will begin at 5, be sure to arrive there by 4:45 so as to give yourself time to find a seat and get settled.
Avoid taking photographs during the ceremony. Leave that to the professionals and respect the sanctity of the ritual in front of you.
You don’t need to bring a gift with you to the wedding. In fact, you have up until a year after the wedding to give a gift. Bringing a gift with you means that someone in the wedding party will have to worry about how to get it home.
If you are unable to attend the wedding, it is customary to still send a wedding gift.
Don’t bring a date unless your invitation specifically says “+ Guest” Remember that the cost for each person attending a wedding is generally very high, so bringing unexpected guests is very impolite.
Many ceremonies have parts where the congregation alternately stands and sits.
The program or officiant may tell you when to do so; if not, follow the lead of others around you. If you are physically unable to stand, remain quietly seated.
RSVP promptly. The couple will be making many decisions based on the number of people who will be there. Additionally, if you must cancel after you’ve accepted, do so as soon as possible.
While a wedding is a time to enjoy yourself, no one appreciates a drunk guest embarrassing themselves. Drink alcohol in moderation.

Guest Etiquette - Whether you are invited to dine in a friend's home or a restaurant bringing your best table manners along is a good idea. Practicing at home makes this an easier and enjoyable experience.
Gifts - When you are invited to someone's home, bring along a token of your appreciation. It can be as simple as a jar of homemade jam or as elaborate as a fine bottle of wine. The host/hostess will be grateful that you care about them.
Clothing - When you receive an invitation, ask about the style of dress. Of course, if it is an outdoor barbecue, this is not necessary. Consider the purpose or type of party and the time of day when choosing the appropriate outfit. Never wear a hat at the table or a casual sleeveless shirt.
Napkin - Always place the napkin in your lap when you first sit down. Fold it so that a quarter is folded over at the top. This provides you with double protection from spills.
Posture - Relax and enjoy time with others. Do not rock back in the dining chair and do not prop yourself up with your elbows on the table. Placing the forearm on the table edge is okay. When cutting the food, keep your elbows close to your body. They should rest comfortably near your side.
Grace - Wait for the host/hostess to pick up their fork before you start to eat. If it is their custom to say a prayer before eating, you are not embarrassed.
Noises - Turn off your beeper and cell phone until the dinner is over. Do not slurp soup or blow on hot foods and beverages. Do not speak with food in your mouth. If you must blow your nose, excuse yourself from the table.
Leaving - After the dinner or party, keep the host/hostess in mind, and leave at an appropriate time. Do not ask for a take-home bag of food.
Follow-up - Always send a "thank you" note the next day. If you just cannot find the time for this, call the next day and express your appreciation.
Restaurants - 15% of the bill total is the usual tip, however, for excellent service 20% or more is the norm

"Never again" is not supposed to apply to visitors you've recently hosted. There are guests who stay too long and those who don't stay long enough. There are guests who are too demanding and guests who are too passive. How do we strike the proper balance without losing our minds or patience in the process?

Some of the burden for maintaining our savoir faire lies at the feet of our guests. The overriding principle is: Don't do anything to annoy the host. Obvious, right? The reality belies this assumption. Here are eight common etiquette violations all guests should watch out for.

Etiquette Violation #1: Don't ignore your hosts and their other guests. Friends are often invited over at the same time, and they usually have a lot of news to catch up on (having not spoken in at least an hour!). So they seat themselves at the end of the table, turn to each other, begin talking and proceed to ignore the rest of us the entire evening. Under such circumstances, I feel like a waitress and am tempted to ask if "Table Two in the corner" needs anything!

Etiquette Violation #2: No whispering. This is a behavior that even very young children recognize as slightly mean and exclusionary, which is of course why they do it!

Whispering is usually the perquisite of married couples, and while their comments may not really be about the tastelessness of the soup or the recent weight gain of their hostess, it is nevertheless inappropriate and, dare I say it, rude. Same goes for speaking in a foreign language!

Etiquette Violation #3: Don't make derogatory, impatient or dismissive comments about your host's children (even if they deserve it!). As parents, even though we may find our children occasionally frustrating, it is always tempered by tremendous love. Without the love, it's only hurtful. It's my children's home too and they are sharing it with the guests.

Conversely, guests who pay special attention to all the members of our family, who treat them with respect and sincere interest, become regular invitees, and often good friends.

Etiquette Violation #4: Never insult your hostess' cooking. In fact, obsequious flattery is a fine strategy.

Etiquette Violation #5: Don't communicate that you can't wait to leave, even if your children keep piping up, "Can we go yet?" Some people are always rushing. They've squeezed a meal at your home in between birthday parties, golf games and afternoon tea. They never stay until the end of the meal. This can be disconcerting and a little demoralizing to the hosts.

As hosts, it is our responsibility to end the meal before the natives get restless (We operate by the principle of "leave 'em wanting more"). As guests we need to be attuned to social cues and stay until the end, unless that end is seriously delayed or there is a genuine medical emergency.

Etiquette Violation #6: Don't ask unnecessary personal questions, like details about your host's income and business deals. Along another vein, when my kids and I were younger, people would walk into our home and be surprised by the size of our family. Frequently their first question would be, "Do you plan to have more?" Back to manners class.

Etiquette Violation #7: Failure to appreciate that the host and hostess have spent time, money and effort on your behalf. Though the host may try to dismiss it as "I was cooking anyway," the clever guest knows that this is not all true. Hostesses plan for the individual needs of their guests. They plan for the number of guests and types of guests and carefully match personalities. Even if they enjoy entertaining (which I do), that doesn't make it effortless.

This means that last-minute cancellations should only be done in the case of the aforementioned medical emergency, with a few other exceptions. But certainly not in the case of another invitation, laundry to do, work to finish or when "something came up".

Etiquette Violation #8: Not saying thank you. Thanks can be expressed in many forms -- oral, written, or a small present upon arrival. Expressing gratitude is essential for the character of the guest and the continued good spirits of the host.

In Judaism nothing is left to chance. Proper interpersonal interactions are not instinctive. We need training and guidance to treat others appropriate in each unique situation. And maybe if I can communicate these ideas to my family, and we really assimilate them and become the ideal guests, someone will actually invite us over...

The mitzvah of receiving guests is considered a very important mitzvah. When three strangers approach Abraham's tent while he is in the middle of a conversation with the Almighty, Abraham puts the Almighty on hold, so to speak, and rushes off to serve his guests. We should ideally embrace this opportunity with the same alacrity.

Host Tip #1: Serve your guests cheerfully. While in general we don't wait until we're in the mood to do a mitzvah, a frowning and ungracious host seems to defeat the purpose, and certainly puts a damper on the guest's experience. Guests feel awful and imposing where they should feel welcome and no trouble. Certainly guests must make some allowance for busy hosts, distracted hosts, overwhelmed hosts, hosts with teenagers (a special category all its own) but hosts must go out of their way to make the guests feel...well...at home.

This can, however, be taken too far. Guests do not want to be so at home that they are privy to internal squabbles and domestic disputes. Just as family struggles should not be played out in front of the children, the guests shouldn't be subject to this discomfort either. You may think this goes without saying, but my (limited) experience as a guest suggests otherwise.

Host Tip #2: The Torah admonishes against contradicting or correcting a guest unnecessarily. Although a host may be able to prove he or she is right on a particular topic (this couldn't be a political discussion because no one gives in there!), there is a price to pay. Guests are made to feel extremely uncomfortable and unlikely to accept the next invitations. This is an important rule in marriages as well. Being right may be a very lonely position.

Host Tip #3: While guests should feel grateful for the efforts of their hosts, as hosts we shouldn't emphasize how much trouble we went to. "I know you like hearts of palm so I went to five stores to find it." "I stayed up all night baking your favorite cake." Neither children nor guests respond well to this guilt trip and the comments suggest that the hospitality is meant to satisfy some needs of the host rather than those of the guests.

If you made that extra effort, keep it to yourself. Speaking of it diminishes everyone's experience.

Host Tip #4: Don't push your guests to eat. While this is a particular challenge for Jewish mothers (don't fool yourself, you'll grow into one!), all hosts need to be vigilant. A hostess who takes pleasure in her cooking wants to share that pleasure with her guest (to put it in the nicest terms) and may be hurt when they don't like it or even try it. This is yet another opportunity to remember that it's about the guest's needs, not yours. (I recommend this as a more useful mantra than "ohm".) Maybe they have an allergy, a rigid diet or just a strong dislike. Not only do we not want our guests to take ill from our cooking but we don't want to sabotage their dieting efforts either (do we?) Although I notice exactly who eats what, who leaves what behind on their plates and who has seconds, I try to keep smiling.

Helpful Hint: I have found that the Jewish mother's need to really feed her guests can be satisfied by having over single guys of almost any age, although college works best. They haven't seen home-cooked food in months and will eat anything and everything on the table. Even Portnoy and his mother would have nothing to complain about.

Host Tip #5: Involve your children in welcoming and serving guests. This is a multi-purpose piece of advice. It is good education for our children. It is a good example for our guests who will then proceed to say flattering things about your family to all their friends. It makes our children feel more warmly disposed to this invasion of their privacy. It relieves us of some of the food service burden and allows greater freedom for interaction with and enjoyment of our company. (As your children get older, that crashing sound in the kitchen will be less of a cause for worry)

Host Tip #6: Learn from others. In the area of kindness, there is always someone who is more thoughtful, more considerate. Just as we frequently pick up decorating tips from a friend's event, so too should we pick up hosting tips.

It's basic to provide overnight guests with towels. Maybe a small basket of soaps and shampoos would be nice. A bottle of water and snacks by their bed? Toys for their children to play with...Everyone's experience is enhanced by an attentive and considerate hostess.

Host Tip #7: Don't make your guests feel trapped. End the evening before they keep glancing at their watches and eyeing the door. It's better they should leave regretfully wishing the conversation (and maybe the eating) could have continued than with the relief and gratitude of an escaping convict.

Host Tip #8: Give overnight guests a key. This seemingly small and silly tip is actually an important one. On a practical level, I have spent far too many nights lying on the living room couch in an exhausted stupor waiting for a guest to return (perhaps a victim of hosts who didn't adhere to tip #7!) to make that mistake again. But I think the true value is psychological. Holding onto the key is holding on to control and power. Relinquishing the key says louder that words "Make yourself at home."

This is the essence of a good hostess. Guests should feel completely relaxed and at home. With full refrigerator privileges. They should feel that we are only concerned with their needs, whatever the reality.

Better a cheery, welcoming host with take-out on paper plates than a frazzled and miserable one with gourmet on Limoges. Of course if you could successfully combine the two...

Answer 2

Most party hosts put a lot of time and effort into planning and throwing their events, whether they are intimate dinners with a few close friends or large gatherings with extended guest lists. As an invited guest, you should never underestimate your host's effort, and you should always strive to be the very best party guest you can be.

Bill Prince is a deputy editor at GQ magazine. An expert in party guest etiquette, he offers these tips for ensuring that the host of the next party you attend will find you a polite and charming guest worthy of a repeat invitation:


Show up on time. Prince's idea of being "fashionably late" is to show up about 15 minutes after the party's official start time. This way you avoid the awkwardness of arriving during preparation and refrain from calling attention to yourself by turning up long after things have started.

Don't bring too much. Bringing a bottle of wine is often good form, but you shouldn't expect the host or hostess to serve it at the party. Showing up with arms laden with food is a mistake, as it can signal your belief that the hosts don't have the food situation under control; your food could also clash with the party's menu. If the invitation specifically asks you to bring a gift, bring something small for the house.

Don't make a showy entrance. Prince doesn't like to go bursting into a party. Instead, he has a quiet word with the host and hostess and lets them introduce him to other guests if they so please.

Be a polite conversationalist. Try not to talk about yourself too much, and try to listen at least as much as you talk. Do your best to find topics of mutual interest, and avoid talking about people that your conversation partners do not know. When in doubt, you can assume that everyone at the party at least knows the host, so this makes a good starting point.

Know when to leave. According to Prince, an invitation for drinks from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. means it's over at 9 p.m. If it's a dinner party, it's appropriate to leave starting at around 45 minutes after the dessert has been served. Try not to cut out too early or hang around until your welcome has worn out.

Answer 3

It depends on the degree of formality of the gathering, but in general:

As a host greet guest as they arrive. Offer to take their coats (or have someone available to do take the coats). Ask if they'd like a drink. Arrange for the drink or direct them to the punch bowl and buffet table. If they know other people at the party they'll find those people. If they don't know anyone introduce them.

Other than greeting the people, just kind of circulate and make sure nobody is sitting alone and not talking to anyone (and if they are just go talk to them for a while, but excuse yourself because you can't devote all your time to a loner).

Just some ideas for an informal gathering.

Answer 4

lol if you want to see some "lack" of etiquette go to a flyer party, where everyone is 16-18 and drinking nothing but alcohol!

Answer 5

Be your natural self. Make some nice comments about the persons you meet. Never ever refer to their shortcomings. Keep yourself warm and pleasant. Other external details are immaterial.

Answer 6

I think Robin covered everything.

Answer 7

Imitate those whom you think to be culturally superior.