My step daughter insists on her father walking her down the isle with the stepfather on the other side. Even after 20 years my husband would rather hurt this guy than even look at him and she knows this. My husband has been in her life and has taken care of her. My husband was hurt and angry when she asked him to do this - is he in the wrong for refusing her? She didn't ask- she simply insisted that he do this.
2006-10-24 19:32:10 · 12 answers · asked by Erik 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have read some responses to this question and there are some misunderstandings by the readers. The bride wants her bio father to walk down the isle with her and the step dad on the other side. The step father is the reason there was a divorce 20 years ago and the bride is very aware of the pain this caused her biological father.
2006-10-25 14:49:52 · update #1
she didn't ask, she insisted you wrote, perhaps you could print this page and let her read your question and responses. It would be very adult like if the two men in her life were to do that, but we live in the real world don't we..Your husband has "raised" her, and understandable he may feel hurt, and angry if her birth father was a dead beat of some sort, we don't know the details of why he's angry, yes it is her day, but, other people's feelings and life participation should be taken into consideration....just my opinion
2006-10-24 19:50:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes he should do as she wishes, its her day and he should be greatful that she loves him enough to want to have him walk her down the isle at all, and not just her father..
You have to realize that although her bio-dad was/is probably an azz , which im guessing since the way ur husband now feels about him, thats still her dad, and she loves him.. and she loves her step dad as well...
Your husband needs to get his feelings in check.. it will take what maybe 3 minutes at best to walk your daughter down the isle.. and it will be a memory that will last her a life time, having both of her dads give her away... whats more important, a grudge that will only keep her from having her dream wedding.. or putting up with standing next to the piece of crap man for 3 minutes???????
After 20 years he surely has it with in him to hold in his feelings long enough for one day to give her the day she deserves, its not her fault that there was a divorce, its not her fault that there are ill feelings between everyone, why should she be held accountable for this as well on her special day..
Your husband needs to be the "DADDY" he's always been.. and give HIS daughter the day she wants, because he IS her Daddy.. and she needs him to be strong for her .. and she needs to be happy...thats what its always been about right?
Making sure she was ok.. putting up with crap from the x to make her happy.. its what made him become HER DADDY in the first place.. if anyone should feel uncomfortable it should be her bio FATHER.. he should feel like the 3rd wheel.. and he is the one having to "share" with her Daddy.. not the other way around..
Your husband has always stepped up to the plate.. its time to step up to the plate, suck it up.. and make HIS little girl happy..
2006-10-24 19:45:31 · answer #2 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hopefully she looked over the role each played throughout her life and if that was the person or persons she wanted on her side(s) that day. It's her day and not about how the two fathers may feel about one another.
My family was in the same situation. Both my step father and my dad were major roles in my life; each providing different needs that made me who I am today. When I explained to my dad that I was also asking my step father to walk me down my dad said "It is your (my) day. I would be honored to be standing on either side of you (me)." That is sucking it up for your daughter and doing the right thing!! Both dads should have the same focus which is her! There is never such a thing as being loved too much!!
2014-01-27 17:47:05 · answer #3 · answered by ca_redneckgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand your husbands feelings...but he has to remember that your daughter is genetically related to her sperm dad.
This is one of the most important days in your daughter's life . If your husband CAN'T put his own feelings aside...then he isn't much of a dad to her. The fall out from this will tear this family apart. If he loves her, he will respect her wishes and smile and put his own feelings aside for her. Afterall...isn't that the ultimite thing a parent can do for a child? His stubborness can destroy this family for generations
I personally have had to step aside many times for the well being of my children. It isn't fair....and my X doesn't deserve it.....but it is their father. The sad thing for a kid is that even though one of their parents is a jerk....they are genetically part of that person. Respect your daughters wishes.
Your husband is your daughters DADDY. Any man can donate sperm and walk his daughter down the isle....but it takes a good man to be the DAD and he is the dad.
Your husband needs to hold his head up high in confidence while walking down the isle. And I am pretty sure the people at the wedding will know who the real dad is.
I had to deal with my X at my son's wedding.....a son that eventually died.
My daughter isn't married yet and I will be totally stressed to be just in the same state as my X let alone at a wedding with him. Although my daughter has very little to do with him, he is her dad. And if I threw a fit it would spoil her day.
I had to endure a funeral with my X present.
Let your husband cool down and we know he has a right to be upset.....then let him read these answers. Pray about it. Then choose the high road and help make your daughters wedding memorable in a good way , not in a negative way.
The other choice is to have an unhappy bride who will be made to choose between her daddy and her genetic father. That is way too much to ask.
Believe me it will be worth it.
Imagine your future.....awkward Christmases where your daughter is still hurt by her step dad for putting a wet blanket on her special day. you won't see much of the grandkids.
Your daughter may never look at you guys the same again. And every time she looks at her wedding pictures she is sad.
Let us know.....I will pray
2006-10-24 20:03:51 · answer #4 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The one who raised her, taught her right from wrong, how to ride a bike, kissed her boo-boo's and sat up nights worrying when she was out should give her away. Any man can be a "father" but it takes love to be a "Dad'. She needs to grow up a little more before getting married if she doesn't know that.
2006-10-24 19:40:18 · answer #5 · answered by Daydream Believer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no--he should consider he is lucky---she is getting married and out of home ect.
we are meant to understand everyone logic.
he should accept the facts that she considers herself to have to "dads". he should be man eonugh after 20 years to accept this. he married you not the daughter.
great idea-- one dad on each side.. lucky she asked him--most would choose father as stepfatherstood on side--that would really be hurt.......
don't ruin her day...................
show excitement and be happy...........
2006-10-24 19:36:15 · answer #6 · answered by cork 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No aint nothin wrong with it. She nneds to make up her mind...She isnt havin two husbands and two weddings is she, no so save the and have one walk her down.
2006-10-24 19:34:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband to get over it.If he loves her he''ll do it just because she asked him to.Ask him which is more important to him,Her happiness,or the grudge he has against her dad?
2006-10-25 14:42:53 · answer #8 · answered by Willnotlietoyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he can refuse- or he can act very grown up and suck it in for one day for her wedding sake- he will look like a much bigger man if he accepts gracefully -and puts aside the differences for one day- D
2006-10-24 19:38:22 · answer #9 · answered by Debby B 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hmmm, i would say to let your stepdaughter decide on what she wants to do. its her day, and if they're grown men, then they should learn to get along. put differences aside and let her enjoy her day. why can't we all get along? =)
2006-10-24 19:40:58 · answer #10 · answered by miguel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋