Spanking an older child.......?

Question

My kids are 10 and 12 and are still spanked at times. It has always been with my hand on their clothed bottoms. But now these spankings are barely felt by them and they pretty much laugh at me when I do it. Should I abandoned spanking all together regardless of the infraction? I would like to at least have it as an option. Or should I try using an implement to spank with or maybe spanking on their underpants or bare?

Just to add, I do use other punishments such as grounding, loss of priviliges, etc. But I would like to at least keep spanking as an option that they know can still happen

Also, high school kids are paddled everyday and that is accepted, so don't tell me my kids should be taken away if I did the same. I am not talking about beating them, just a more effective way to spank when necesary.

Answer 1

Why don't you treat them like the adults you are supossed to be teaching them to be? Talk to them. Model respectful, responsible behavior and let them know exactly what you expect. hitting children is unecessary and counterproductive.

Answer 2

I Used To Be Hit All The Time As A Child And When I Mean Hit I Mean Punched Slapped And Spanked For Nearly Nine Then I Was Placed In Foster Care. Dont Hit The Children Because When They Get Older They Will Be Abusive Themselves Not Only To Kids But Girlfriend Boyfriend And Animals Or Even Be A Sexual Pervert Trust Me Honey Im An Abusive Person now Too Thanks To Mommy Who Knows Best That *****. I Wish You Could Feel The Pain I Live Every Day. Your Wrong And Maybe So Am I But All I Know Is Hitting Is Never The Best Answer Violence Is Contagious so dont infect Them

Answer 3

At 10 and 12 years old your kids would probably respond better to having prividleges removed
No TV
No Phone
No Video Games etc

At 12 if I thought I could break the rules and get nothing but a swatt on the butt I would probably just break the rules. No TV for a week sucks, but a swatt on the rear is 10 seconds of sting, big deal.

If a spanking with your bare hand on the rear over clothes or even skin is not effective its best to find a new method. These days the line between spanking and abuse is so fine. If you spank a bare butt and leave marks it could come back on you really fast.

I have spanked my toddlers, but my 2 yr old boy is immune to it so I am seeking better methods. Why would I want to use an ineffective form of punishment? I just ordered the Supernanny book. Maybe give something like that a try?

Answer 4

Don't listen to people saying you kids should be taken away for loving them enough to instill discipline in them. You are well with in your parental rights to spank your children. You can only get your kids taken away should you leave a permanent mark such as a bruise, blister or welt (other then temporary redness).

We personally don't use any type of paddle, belt, switch...other then our hand. I am not saying that it's wrong, if it works then fine, we just figure to it might increase the chance to cause permanent marks which we have never done.

When it come to pulling down pants, absolutely, don't do anything stupid like stripping them naked, or doing it in front of others for humiliation purposes, but we believe that it is completely pointless to spank a clothe covered bottom. When our girls get them it's always bare. I know it sounds harsh, but they work. It helps make spanking few and far between. No there is nothing "sick, gross, disgusting, abusive" about this, your simply talking about a spanking.

So to answer your question, if it were me
Implement = NO
Pants down = Yes


PS there not to old for a spanking, the 12 year old is getting close, but the 10 year old, NO WAY

Answer 5

Spanking is for parents who are too ignorant and egotistical to come up with mature and effective ways of punishment without affecting the childrends pyshic. The idea of teaching a child, lets say, not to hit, by hitting them has always seemed a little unlogical to me.

What is seriously going through your head right now? Using an implement to spank their bare butts? How far would you take this? Why not grab a knotted whip and give them 20 lashes across the back, or maybe just use your belt to slap them across the face.

Fact is every time you violently touch your child you are teaching them its ok to use physical violence to get what they want and statistics will show that they will be more likely not only to smack their own kids but get into fights with others and comit spousal abuse as well.

I'd say maybe you should try talking to your children but at 10 and 12 it's probably too late. Obviously if they still need spankings at this age you've already screwed them up and hopefully you can see that spanking hasn't really had any profound effect making them anymore disciplined. In fact they are probably more defiant than any non-violently punished children.

In closing, I do believe its illegal in most states to spank a child with anything other than your hand and I hope if you ever use anything else you are turned in and have your kids taken away.

Answer 6

mabey they're getting too old for the whole spanking thing and as you said they actually laugh at you when you do it. Well that shows that form of punishment isn't working as well as it might have when they were younger. But i don't really want to go into that as i'm sure u already have an oppinin on that.

Instead go for other forms of punishment that will really make them aware that they are being punshed. Take away something from them that they really like or enjoy- like mobile, pocket money etc. I think this will work just as much as spanking and mabey work better. Because the only way to make spanking worse is taking it to the next level which may appear more as a beating rather than a tap on the bottom

Answer 7

I don't know what high school your speak of, but laws in most (if not all) states forbid corporal punishment in public schools. This has been true for many years. My opinion is that your children are too old to be spanked. Instead, use your immense power as a parent. If you don't think you have power, consider how your children want (not need) rides, cool clothes, money for going to the movies, etc., not to mention watching TV, playing video games, using the phone...). Begin to withhold these privileges (they are not rights) for poor behavior. You sound like a mom without a husband in the home. Love like a mom, but provide discipline like a man!

Answer 8

I believe in spanking when the punishment fits the crime. But as for an older child they are trying to take control. Laughing at you is maybe to hide their pain. Don't do it on a bare bottom though That leads to questionable abuse. The kids know they can report it so better not to go there. Instead of spanking try taking their stuff away or better yet make them sell their own stuff at a garage sale and you keep the money as their punishment. :) Why shouldn't you be able to laugh back :)

Answer 9

You are going rather far as far as infractions are concerned. 10 to 12 years, that's really too much. At this age, they're making their ways to teenagers, and now that they think it's FUNNY when you spank them, they'll think it's funny to slap their friends upside the head or punch their friend in the arm good and hard. Sure, that's not HORRIBLE, but supposing that other child REALLY didn't like the contact?

You don't want your kids starting fights in school because they really didn't see the problem they were causing. They could say something like "Mom does this to us all the time", then you would have child protective services on your tail.

Trust me, I was adopted and social workers and others came over ALL the time to see if I was ok, and I was, but I got bumps and bruises from crashing into things, so the workers would ask how I got those bumps and bruises. If your kids have even a slight red mark that teachers or principals ask them about, kids are blunt. They'd tell them and then you would be fighting for your kids just because of a little tidbit of info that was taken wrong. My point: THEY ARE TOO OLD TO SPANK.

You're going to have to learn how to verbally teach your children now, and yeah, I know how hard it can be to talk to your kids and get them to listen, but when you listen, they listen. hitting isn't the only way to solve problems. Remember you are the parent, not the kid. Hitting is elementary stuff. They arent in kindergarten anymore, learn to talk to them, you'll be surprised on what they have to say to you.

Answer 10

Yes, I also believe a tap on the bottom is sometimes
necessary.
Seeing as your children are older, a tap on the bottom with the pants down will, if nothing else, humiliate them and deter them from doing or saying what got them there in the first place again.
Obviously though at some point you will, as they get older, have to come up with other strategies.

Answer 11

Instead of spanking them, start grounding them. At the age they are in, that's when they're going to start to be talking on the phone all day, being on the computer, going to the mall w/ friends, and watching a lot more TV. Just take these things away from them because these are the things that are going to start being important to them. That's when they're going to start wishing the'd listened to you. Good Luck!