Curious as to what forms of discipline you use??

Question

I have an out of control 4 year old. This past year has been really tough on him. He's had alot of changes. From grandma passing away, to my husbands layoff from work & him being home with me & my son 24/7 for 2 straight months, our pregnancy & birth of his brother, moving out of the only home he has known to a new place 2200 miles away. He has no respect, back talks constantly (more than most 4 y/o), tantrums, doesnt share with anyone, hits,kicks & is aggressive towards adults & other children, constantly gives me ultimatums (ie:well if you dont let me do this then I'm gonna break "blank"). He'll be fine for quite some time then its like Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. When he isnt getting his way & throwing a tantrum or angry you cannot talk to him or reason with him. Me & my husband have tried positive reinforcement, times outs, taking toys & privledges & spanking. Im not for spanking but it seems that is the only thing that will work & it's only a temporary fix. Any advice? What works for you

Answer 1

first of all keep sugar away from him, seems to me your little boy is full of energy, take him to the park for a couple of hours to burn that high energy by making him walk. get that energy out of system.

Answer 2

Kids of the age 4-5 years are actually on the transition stage from a toddler to becoming a young boy...u must put him in school if he is not going already..he has already discovered the home and now he needs a wider world to explore..u will find that it channelizes his energy and it will give u a breathing space also...when he comes back ask him about school EVERYDAY...even when u are busy or dont feel like it..encourage him, praise him, build his confidence..and u will find that tantrums (which are nothing but attention seeking tactics) reduce..u can also after a while put him in some sporting activity..

regarding his behaviour...forget about getting respect..that will definitely come in time..only reward behavior you like and ignore behavior you don't bcoz any reaction only fuels ill behaviour...so when he back talks rudely, just tell him only ONCE that u will respond if he speaks properly..then draw a blank till he does... if the tantrum goes beyond control, take him to a quiet room..take him in ur lap and tell him that he will never get what he wants like this...then distract him.....DO NOT allow him to go on whimpering or pleading...but also remember that there are mre ways than one to disallow something...

another ploy is this : rather than telling him what he musnt do, sometimes u can just distract him by giving him something to do which will tempt him enough..this will also stop him from doing the thing which was annoying you...take all his bad behaviours one at a time, prioritise and then target to straighten them out one by one...it will take alot of time, but he will change

the rule is to remember that its alla phase..and therefore IT WILL PASS..u have to give time and make the effort..if u have a younger child and dont have time...try and keep some help..or ask some relative to help with the younger one...ur elder son needs u too..

if he misbehaves...think of creative ways of how to get ur way..also accept that certain behaviors will NOT change...u cant stop a dog from wagging its tail..so learn to recognise those..

all the best..we all do what we think is best for our children...so just hang in there..

Answer 3

I was a very rebellious/belligerent child. Everyone spanked me... my grandfather said that he spanked me more than all his children and grandchildren put together. I believe if they had not spanked me, I would have ended up in prison or worse. As it is, I have had zero infractions of the law in my life (not even a speeding ticket). But, they also gave me lots and lots of positive reinforcement (that is just as important). I love them with all my heart and I'm so glad they wailed on my bottom... I really needed it. You just have to be consistent!
Those people who give those rubbishy arguments against spanking don't have a clue. I have a super high self-esteem and spanking didn't teach me to hit... I got spanked for hitting people. Look at how the children are ending up these days. Just how many school shootings, violence, rebellion, etc. have we had from children who were not spanked? As people quit spanking more and more, these things will continually go up more and more. Just look at the statistics from back in the days when people spanked. Spare the rod...

Answer 4

My little brother experience some mentally traumatic events as a young baby and toddler and was VERY difficult. Much as you describe your son to be. Each child may respond differently to different kinds of punishments. For me, just the threat of getting spanked was enough to keep me in line. For my brother, nothing worked except taking away things that were important to him. Spanking might be what your child needs. Always offer a warning, and after spanking him, tell him WHAT he did wrong, WHY it was wrong, and how he could have handled his problem in a better way so he didnt get in trouble. Also, start catching his signs earlier. Ask him questions, really probe him for info when it seems something is bothering him. "You seem upset. Tell me why you are getting angry" Then really listen to him. Just the fact that you are truly hearing him might really make a difference.

Answer 5

I hit my children, but sparingly. Whenever they cry, unless it is because of pain, I pick them up and put them in their room alone and ask them in a soft and gentle voice to come out when they have finished crying.

I give them responsibilities, but not yet regular chores, e.g., I tell my oldest he has to watch his brother for 5 minutes while I go the store across the street. I can see them the whole time, and they would have been fine playing the in the playground had I not said that, but boys tend to like to be in charge, so that helps out a lot.

Whenever they do something dangerous to themselves (bang their head against the wall, try to climb through the window), I spank them hard, but never spank them out of anger.

To get my kids to share I tried the age old trick. Every once in a while when they had a toy or stickers or something they really liked, I told them that if they gave it to their friend for free, I would buy them another one, as long as they didn't tell their friend that. I also used this tactic sparingly, but enough to make sharing worth while. This not only encourages my kids to share, but the kids they played with to share, too, which had an even better reciprocal effect on my kids.

The most important thing is you. Don't lose your cool, don't get angry, don't call him names (bad boy), don't make faces, don't roll your eyes, don't raise the tone of your voice. Be completely in control of yourself and your child will learn to do the same. Remember you are the parent. You can allow boys to believe they are in control when you really are. It is all about presenting them with choices to be good where they cannot lose. My kids aren't perfect, but they are certainly scores better than I was as a child.

Hope that helps.

Answer 6

I have some books to recommend. Also a reminder that amongst all the other things your son is going through; 4 years-old is a very hard time for regular transitions.

"Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka Was a huge life saver. I tell people that book is why my daughter made it to age 5!!!

"Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline" by Becky Bailey is another really helpful book.

"Positive Disclipline" will help you figure out some of the basics of helping a child learn respect and feel repected too.

Our public library has all these books, but i own them too because they were so helpful.

You are right about the spanking. It is a temporary fix and doesn't really address the actual problem that your son is having.

Answer 7

try to get a routine daily so that he knows whats going to happen and be consistent with your discipline all methods are fine just figure out what you and your husband feel most comfortable with then make sure that you also stay very consistent with the discipline dont let his behavior slide at all...kids are smart they get away with what they can...being that he is four im sure he is plenty smart enough to understand you telling him why he cant act the way that he does when he is acting out...another thing is when a child is in a fit you should not escalate the situation or feed in to negative behavior let his anger die down by putting him in his room till his fit is gone and then sort through the problem...dont give in to your child either sometimes this is a big issue but it only makes things worse if the child know he will get what he wants if he bugs you enough...last but not least if you find your son looking to get in to something redirect him immediately and let him know you see him and he better find something else to do because what he is doing is not ok...and positive reinforcement is good when your able to do it

Answer 8

Well I have a 4, 3 and 1 year old so i'm with you 100 percent. Its consistensy. When you use discipline stick to one thing. I spank my kids and of course they don't like it. I might even take away there favorite toy. Throwing tantrums, just ignore him because he's looking for negative attention. After he's done I'll spank him on his butt, then take away privaleges. It works for me and I have 3, oh did i mention I have 3. LOL!!! Good Luck.

Answer 9

Instead of reacting to him as a parent, just react to him as an adult.
Tell him you understand how confused he is after all these sudden changes. It's fairly certain that without all this disruption, he would probably be lovely. I think that he probably feels that no-one understands how upset he has been about these things. Break through that barrier of not-being-understood by telling him you know how he feels, and encourage him to talk to you as a person instead of just as a child. Tantrums and all that are just a form of communication which is used because his other, more subtle methods of trying to communicate with you haven't worked.
This is a long-term solution, not an immediate one. If you try extending nothing but non-judgemental love to your confused child, he will slowly stop all the useless misbehaving. Good luck.

Answer 10

When i was young and we did something bad my aunt mad is stand in a corner for 15 ins until we learned to calm down and control ourselves. It seemed to work because after 15 mins of facing a corner and figuring out what I DID to get myself PUT there, I was less likely to do that same thing again. I would just get into different trouble lol. My mom would spank me on the behind when I was bad. Its almost like all of your family should agree how to handle your son if he acts up so he knows he isnt gonna get away with something depending whos watching him. He has been through a lot of changes . I dont think at 4 that he is intentionally doing these things.....so you have to discipline him somehow to make him realize he is doing somethign bad at that moment and when he acts like that he will be punished.

Answer 11

variety of self-discipline isn't as significant as being sparkling in what the expectancies are and relentless in imposing the policies. the parents the two might desire to be on a similar internet site and help one yet another. A spanking each 0.33 time a baby breaks a rule isn't as powerful as a timeout every time, and vice versa. Edit: it extremely is a similar in criminal justice. analyze accomplished world extensive tutor that what the punishment is (dying penalty, life, 2 many years) is relatively no longer that significant in reducing the crime cost. what's critical is arresting and convicting as extreme a share as obtainable.