"Love the sinner, hate the sin." Do you understand when this cliche is passive-aggressive?

Question

When someone steals it is an action. I love you, I just hate that you steal is saying you love the person and adding a comment about an action… unless the thief defines his core self/soul as thief, in which case the cliché is saying, I love you, but I hate you, too (i.e passive-aggressive).

Although not a sin example, when you tell a blind man that you hate that he is blind, since blindness is a central part of who he is, hating his blindness is also saying that you hate a part of him. Makes sense?

If you have people in your life that you care about who are gay, every time you say that cliché, you are also saying that you hate part of the person. It is passive-aggressive, even if you do not intend it as such. It is.

Does this help explain why the cliche is considered by many as a backhanded insult?

Seems to me that a lot of Christians like to tell gays they are going to hell because they are gay. Usually, there isn't a whole lot of consideration given to the sins of the straight Christians saying it.

creeklops - there are virtually no gay ppl who will tell you they ever had the opportunity to decide their sexual orientation. The blind man is a perfect example.

I see nothing sinful about who I am.

Answer 1

It should not be an insult because God commission us to love no matter what. We all was born as sinners and God loves us, now you explain that one.

Answer 2

First of all you are trying to understand unconditional love.
Us humans trying to understand others is flawed, not even close to perfect.

I love my family no matter what they do, I might not like how they act.

The trick is to leave the "hate" out, and try to come to a common ground understanding. I never understood Gay or Athiest, but I don't slam them or insult them, I just wish all people would try harder to get along and not try to make everybody feel sorry for them because of the choices they have made.

Some "sins" have real consquences that can lead a person to an early death. Trying to "shake" a person up, gently, is the right thing to do. I wish that no person would be blind or deaf or have any other handicap, so when I see a person who is I feel compassion to help them if needed or not if they don't need my help. But that doesn't mean I hate them in any way.

Answer 3

apparently you do not like this saying much but just the same if a person is a thief through and through then he is hated, but if a person has a good heart and made a mistake then yes the deed is hated and not the person.. Nothing about this is passive aggresive. You feel that you do something sinful but want to be loved because of it. Not gonna happen

Answer 4

I fully understand what you are saying and I disagree with you.....one can hate the sin and love the sinner....we are able to separate the two .....I don't agree that when one says they hate the fact someone is blind ..that this is also saying I hate part of the blind person.....it is merely saying I'm sorry that you are blind and I hate that you are going through this...but that has nothing to do with them as a full person to me....I can still have a relationship with them as I would any other.....all this psychological mumbo jumbo is full of crap....Have heard it most of my life by a family member who is a psychologist and alot of it is bull......I really can not like something with out rejecting them as a person......

Answer 5

I can see how this is instrued as offensive. Its reminds me of one of my pet peeves... When people say something like "No ofense, but you suck!"

You can't compare blindness to being gay. You don't choose to be blind, but you choose to be gay.

Alcoholics, if you say you love them, but you hate their uncontrolled drinking, is that wrong? It is a part of their lives. The only difference here is alcoholism is looked down on by everyone where as being gay isnt.

Christians should never tell people that they are going to hell. Gays sin, Christians sin, everyone sins. Only God knows people's hearts and He is the only one who can judge them.



"For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due."
—Romans 1:26-27 (NKJV)

"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God."
—1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (NKJV)

"Knowing this: that the law is not made for a righteous person, but for the lawless and insubordinate, for the ungodly and for sinners, for the unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of mothers, for manslayers, for fornicators, for sodomites, for kidnappers, for liars, for perjurers, and if there is any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine,"
—1 Timothy 1:9-10 (NKJV)

Answer 6

You say that homosexuality is a part of who you are...but I believe that, while all of us have sinned, you are a child of God, and your homosexual nature is something that is foreign to who you really are in Christ. I greatly respect your comments above and appreciate knowing this, so I may keep this in mind when speaking to other homosexuals. Though I would still be interested in hearing any recommendations you might have with respect to how to communicate the Gospel message in its entirety while not offending. Because it sounds like in some way you are asking Christians to deny what the Scriptures say about homosexuality being a sin, or just turn their backs to ministering to homosexuals...and that is not what Christ tells us to do.

(By the way, when I say "ministering to homosexuals" I in no way refer to those who hatefully wish homosexuals to hell under a banner of Christianity....that is not the love of Christ)

Answer 7

Actually , God loves the sinner and hates the sin. He asks us to love all people, no matter what. Sin, in a religious sense is not just about what people do bad. It is what seperates us from the best God has for us.It's like when your child does something you have told them many times not to do because it would hurt them. They do it because they don't believe any harm could come from it.So, we hate that they continue to do what we warned them about, but it doesn't change our love for them. God disciplines (instructs ; teaches) those he loves.

Answer 8

How about this, your son or daughter is strung out on crystal/meth, you love your child, but you hate the sin he/she is into. And you want them to be free of the sin. I love my child, I hate he/she is hurting/killing them self.

By the way, the blind man thing was dumb, just my opinion. Blindness isn't a sin, or an abomination to God.

Answer 9

No, it really doesn't. Your analogy actually breaks down within the first paragraph, because you say "unless the thief defines his core self/soul as thief...".

Every gay person I have ever met (many) identify themselves with their sexual preference, i.e., if you don't accept their homosexuality, you aren't accepting them.

My brother thinks I'm overweight. He doesn't like the fact that I am and he worries about me, and wishes I weren't. Does he love me any less? No. Does he like me being overweight? No.

So you see, behavior and the person are 2 seperate things. But by and large, homosexuals say that if you aren't accepting their behavior, you aren't accepting them.

So, what about pedofilia? Bestiality? Group marriage? adultery? Are these people defined by behavior or not?

The bottom line, homosexuals want people to say they are living a legitmate lifestyle, so when people say "I love you but I cannot accept that behavior", it is tantamount to rejecting them. But it is the homosexual who sets it up that way in the first place by demanding legitimacy.

Answer 10

I don't see who would tell someone that they hate them being blind..it's two separate things.You choose to sin,it's a conscious decision.A blind person didn't choose to be blind.