I attend a bible study group and my leader was talking about your spritual life needs to match your private life. I agree with her completely, but then she told me I shouldn't marry my boyfriend of 7 years until he get's saved. I actually feel like God has placed it on my heart to get married, she also mentioned that God blessed me with a car to get to and from work so that I can get to the places god has appointed me to be. My boyfriends truck was recently stolen and we both purchased a vehicle to carpool and so he doesn't lose his job. My leader is a very independant woman and has the attitute of I don't need a man to survive which is great but I am also independant and my boyfriend is in no way controlling me, and I feel sometimes that her comments tend to say thats how she feels about my boyfriend and she doesn't even know him. My boyfriend believes in god and wants to go to church he just hasnt found the right one yet. How would that minister to my him if I took her advice
2006-10-24 17:22:58 · 29 answers · asked by Nadea K 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
The reason that you should not marry your boy friend at least at this present time is even though your boyfriend believes that there is a God does not mean that He shares the same heart of convictions as you do concerning the truth's of God. If you marry him as he being a non-believer you will not be lead by him as a woman should be led. Look at how Jesus lived His life, selfsacrificially, He served His bride to be ie. (the Church) by showing that a true minister is a servant. He fed His bride to be (the Church) with the water of the word of God. We are told in the Bible for the husbands to wash their wives in the word of God, and to love Her as Christ so loved the Church and gave Himself for her. Unless your boyfriend surrenders His life over unto the Lord He can never really lead you as Christ leads the Church. To be un-equally yoked in all reality means that a persons who is alive in Christ should not marry, become one with a person who is spiritually dead, for the spiritually dead cannot understand the things of the Spirit neither can he or she know them. It is harder to pull a person up onto a chair that you are standing on then for them to pull or through time drag you down to where they are at. please be slow to choose, by fasting and praying as you seek the will of God and not your own will, for He has and will lead you in the path that you should go. Here are just a few verses to look up. Psalm 119:105, Proverbs chapter 16, 1Peter 3, 1Corinthians7. You both might say that you love each other, though remember that real Agape love is patient. if you love your boyfriend now, then please don't act like your already married, for it will only cause future problems. I love you in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, God bless you as you make Christ your end.
Ps. if you have further questions please email me. I am praying for you.
2006-10-24 18:13:42 · answer #1 · answered by J.C.E Jude 1:3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not a Christian, but I hope that won't stop you from at least reading and thinking on what I have to say (my best friend is very deeply Christian, if that helps). Here are my thoughts:
Yes, your private life should match your spiritual life. I believe that whether you are religious or not, otherwise, it's hypocrisy. That said- what is your spiritual life? I'm not sure what branch of Christianity it is that mandates that you can only marry someone who has been saved in the same faith, so that is ignorance on my part. If that is part of your religion's belief system, and firmly believed and reinforced, then you need to seriously consider if 1) this part of your faith is mistaken but you can continue with what you believe is correct while not obeying that part, 2) believe that part is mistaken and rethink your belonging, 3) believe this is the truth/way it should be and risk whatever punishment awaits to do so, 4) believe this is the truth and leave your boyfriend or force him to be saved before marrying him. Those are the options. However, it sounds to me like this is not actually a part of your religion, but the advice of your bible study group leader, in which case it might be wise to listen, but it is ultimately up to you to decide. Should that be the case, I feel that you are better off doing what you want.
You've given evidence that your boyfriend is a good boy who shares your values, that your group leader doesn't know him very well and perhaps does not understand your situation. In my own personal opinion, the only thing a religion should ever ask is that you love/couple with those who share your core values, and that you show them "The Way"- but don't force them if they don't want it. You can't lead a horse to water, as they say. But that's just me. If your religion doesn't mandate it, I say go with what you feel in your heart, not what someone in an earthly position of authority says to do. After all, you finally answer to God, not her.
Plus, he sounds like a great guy ;). I hope everything works well!
2006-10-25 00:39:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your living with your boyfriend and doing other things that are for married couples, then yes you should get married(1 corith 7:8-9). It would be nice if your b/f was saved but thats no reason not to marry him. In the bible they talk about a Chrisitan wife married to an unsaved husband and her role(1 corith 7:12-16).
As for your boyfriend not believing, thats something that'll have to happen on its own. You can't pressure him. The best thing you can do for your b/f is to pray for him and show him Gods love through you. Believe me he'll come around. I went to church for years before my husband came. Hes not a believer yet, but hes there with me on Sundays, so its just a matter of time I'm hoping..I hope this helps. Good luck and God bless..pray and God will lead you to do right.
2006-10-25 00:39:22 · answer #3 · answered by kittykat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A friend of mine married an unbeliever(bc she was in love) and all was nice in the beginning...she believed that through her he would get saved...but she didn't realize this was a costly one. Then she finds out they can't have children. She believes God closed her womb bc she disobeyed God. Her relationship w/ her husband has gone down hill...Believe it or not, unbelievers have many different spirits.
Even her faith with the Lord suffered for quite a long time. He doesn't allow her now to go to church etc...He has turned very very weird on her. He wasn't like that she said while they dated.
Your leader knows what she's saying...And I think you know where it says "do not be unequally yoked" here it is:
2 Cor 6:14
14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
Don't let your heart deceive you. Satan whispers to you "it's ok, go ahead and marry him". I think you should find a pastor at a different church and see what he says. Ask around your Christian friends if there's a good one.
Your leader is saying, WAIT! I think you should wait too...He should become born again Christian first. If you don't wait, God only knows what awaits you.
That's why God has given us guidelines to live by so we can be happy and prosper.
If you choose against them, there are consequences. God will still be there for you but....still have to go through those consequences.
Ask God wholeheartedly that if he isn't the man you should marry, to block it. Ask God to show you a sign. He will.
Remember God should be first then your marriage. Sounds like you've got your bf 1st and then God.
2006-10-25 00:58:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In one way we can say, marriage is a mutual understanding of hearts. It is a global truth that, marriage is a way that brings happiness and sorrows. If you have found your boyfriend's positives and negatives, then the things are much easy for you. On the other-hand, if you are having doubts about the qualities ,then you can approach and get some advice. If you are sure that your boyfriend believes in God, then I could say he has the fear of God and should be a favorable person to get married (if you have found other qualities in him).
Make your home a Heavenly Home than a Sweet Home, for God always resides in a Heavenly Home but a Sweet Home is where God only visits. Good Luck friend!
2006-10-25 01:27:38 · answer #5 · answered by cuckoo747 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you misunderstood your group leader. If God is important to you and you cherish your salvation - by marrying either outside of your faith or marrying someone who is not saved, it can cause not only a stressed situation between you and the husband (down the road) but that stress or conflict can effect your spiritual life as well and drag you down and away from your faith.
You may seem to get along fine right now - but a bump in the road is inevitable (ask any married couple, religious or not).
Marriage has its ups and downs and that is unavoidable - but when one is saved and the other is not - those bumps can turn into major hills and possibly mountains. Your Group leader is doing her job in instructing you in living for God - she is not trying to be a bitter old hag who has no use for men. She is using her head and her heart which sounds like belongs where it should be.
Paul said for the women (older ones) to instruct the younger women in holy living. Youthful lust and desires can draw you away in a heart beat unless you are resolved in Christ Jesus.
Understand? I am sure your guy friend is a seemingly swell guy. But to quote Apostle Paul..,what part does Light have with darkness? The two are not compatible. If you are saved, you are in the light. If he is unsaved, he is in the dark.
It takes more than believing that there is a God - it takes believing that God sent his Son to redeem mankind from sin, to acknowledge that one is a sinner and to repent of his sinful deeds, accepting the gift of salvation Jesus has given. And to be baptized in Jesus Name after that (Read ACTS 2:38)
Your group leader is responsible for you - as she is kind of like your spiritual mother.., figuratively speaking, and you should treat her with respect as a mother (figuratively speaking). She is not out to get your goat. Trust me. She wants you to know what it is to live right.
And truthfully - a woman does not need a man - a man does not need a woman especially when they are called of God. That doesn't mean God does not want you to marry and so forth - but it does suggest you have your mind on secular, earthly things and you're losing ground.
Forget about needing a man. God will provide the right man. If this young man you see now is the right man - he will be saved and wont find that salvation in some church, He will find it in Jesus, in the evidence and record of the Bible.
2006-10-25 00:49:51 · answer #6 · answered by Victor ious 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It makes me uncomfortable to know you are taking guidance from a biblical leader is contrary to your own heart. When your leader says that God has blessed you with a car that makes me even more uncomfortable.
Christianity espouses the power of choice and you should be able to choose your own life and destiny. That is why God does not mandate that everyone becomes a Christian (Free will).
There are thousands upon thousands of churches and each one has its own tinge. A lot of Catholics feel uncomfortable at Spiritual revival meetings but that doesn't mean that the Catholics are wrong or the Revivalists are not really Christians. Just that they are different.
7 years is a long time and presumably you know your boyfriend quite well, probably better than your 'Leader' does. Why don't you and he work together to find a Church/bible group that you both feel comfortable with first?
2006-10-25 00:31:15 · answer #7 · answered by rasmalai001 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is a shame, that those who attempt to teach others about God often try to assume the role of God.
If I were you I would thank "your leader" very much for her insight, and tell her that you believe what she has told you. So instead of marrying your boyfriend, you have decided just to live together.
Your leader needs professional help and if I were you I would run as far as possible away from that study group and find one that doesn't adopt cult behavior. Have your boyfriend find an acceptable church and go to THAT church with him. My prayers are with you for you are surely in the clutches of the bad guys.
2006-10-25 00:34:02 · answer #8 · answered by Lord L 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
While it sure makes things easier if your bf is also a believer, it's not a prerequisite for marriage! He believes in God, which is the first step, and he sounds like he's open-minded. I'm sure you've talked to him abt your beliefs-- maybe you could invite him to go to bible study with you.
To be honest, your leader should be giving you guidance, but not leading your personal decisions. Your decision to marry, or help your bf in his car trouble is your decision alone! The fact that you're even asking this question here shows that you're unsure about how legit this "leader" actually is. While she may have good/spiritual/idependent ideas that you agree with, she also doesn't have all the answers! Decide on your marriage yourself... if you really love him and feel that you are able to minister to him/your future children effectively, then go for it!
Good luck!
2006-10-25 00:29:42 · answer #9 · answered by catwomanmeeeeow 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Personally, I would not marry someone unless they were saved, even if we were the perfect match. A strong and successful marriage needs to be based on Jesus Christ and the Bible. Even if the Bible study leader is still single, I believe she is still right in waiting to be married. God will provide the right time and place for you to be married. If you do things outside of God's will, you may fall flat on your face for failing to obey God.
I have waited 36 years for the right person and I am still waiting. I want God to provide for me in His time not my time. If God wants me to stay single, then that is His will for my life. I would advise you to look at what God really wants for your life; to see what His will is for you.
2006-10-25 01:45:46 · answer #10 · answered by ironchain15 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋