Your thoughts on divorce, ~ Any Religion ~?

Question

I am going through a divorce. You can call me a hypocrite. I hate divorce and do not believe that it is God’s will for anyone to get divorced.

However my husband became abusive. He does not see himself to be this way because he was more verbal and intimidating than physical. The final straw that drove me to file for divorce was when he had our toddler and he was going to take off with him out of anger. He then cornered our 13 year old daughter against the stair case and with less than an inch away from her face he screamed with the devil’s face “Don’t call me Dad, I am not your father!” Then he smashed her birthday gift on the floor into pieces. He then began to wrestle with me for the keys and was slamming me into the wall. Our Daughter ran out side and called 911. I had enough.

After I filed I explained to him that we needed him to go to counseling. During this time he became meaner and uglier, but then would except that he needed help and love our family again.

Like Dr Jeckyl and Mr Hyde.

He has strong unhealthy apron string issues with his mother. She even paid all our bills and controlled our money. Anyway she is very controlling and after my husbands and my separation they fought a lot. He felt torn between her and I. During a fight with her he slit his wrist, because he felt he gave her everything. Control of his business and leaving his family.

Then his fighting with me went through the roof. He started screaming at our daughter that I was white trash and a sl*t and a wh*re. He even got somewhat graphic with it. She is only 13 and he even said these things infront of our 3 yr old. The ending result is he head butted me in the face and the police took him away. He still doesn’t admit to going to far. He blames me equally.
I have the problem with the fact that I filed. I still oddly enough have love for my husband. Our daughter is tired of all of it too, but still cares as well.

My husband is obviously mentally sick, am I wrong to divorce him. God hates divorce.

I have prayed to God asking for forgiveness and to please help my husband see what he has done. I would be his wife again if he would get help. I have tried everything with a man who has already devoted himself to himself and his mother. Will God understand?

Do not tell me what I want to hear. I need to know the truth. I am truly sorry that my marriage failed, but I am the one who filed.

Answer 1

Marriage is sacred. It is ordained of God. However, the Lord does not want his daughters to be with men who are not honoring their wives and family. He would not want you to stay in such a situation.

He is accountable. Trust the Lord , he will work with you to help you take care of your children.

Your husband is really accountable right now. He will have to answer to God.

I beleive that a man will be asked two thing when he faces his maker.....

What kind of husband were you?

What kind of father were you?

Do not be afraid. The Lord will be with you.

Good luck sister-

Answer 2

You described my life. I became a Christian while I was going through my divorce 10 years ago. I've struggled with it for a long time. I hate divorce, God hates divorce, but you are doing the right thing.
There is a verse in Malachi about domestic abuse. You can get a divorce when there is abuse and get remarried in the church. My ex served me with divorce papers during a restraining order hearing. He never filed them, so I ended up being the petitioner. My ex hasn't changed one iota after 10 years! long story..
My ex never punched me either, but threw things and did all but that, thinking that it's not abuse if he doesn't throw his fist. You have PTSD. It's like you're a prisoner of someone that you are supposed to trust. Don't do anything rash or too fast. You know what he's capable of if he slit his wrists. Just be amicable. Pray and God will help you through it.
Don't feel bad that you still love him. You married him for better and worse and you've experienced more than most people would. You don't automatically hate someone because they lose their temper. I was in a fully functioning marriage when he had another rage episode. I didn't realize I was talking to a detective when I asked for advice and the police ended up coming home with me to ask him to leave. I was in a marriage and then one day he left, never to return. You don't stop loving someone right away.
It took me 7 years to forgive him when I finally did a Bible study by Beth Moore called "Breaking Free". I took it twice. Stay connected in a Bible based church, especially one that has a Divorce Care group. Don't get involved with a man for 2 years. It's a good chance that you WILL end up with someone just like him, if you never heal yourself emotionally.
Oh, I went to counselling and let him pick the counselor. She almost called the sheriff during the session! She had to let me leave 15 minutes before him to be safe!
Please know that I will pray for you tonight. Know that life will get better and if you know Jesus, you will have peace and joy.

Answer 3

God hate a divorce;, these verses do not condemn all divorce. This can be confirmed by Jesus’ words: “Whoever divorces his wife, except on the ground of fornication, and marries another commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:9) Here Jesus acknowledged that fornication is an acceptable ground for a Scriptural divorce—indeed, the only acceptable ground that allows for remarriage. An innocent spouse might decide to forgive the erring marriage mate. However, a person who chooses to use Jesus’ statement, as a basis for divorcing an adulterous mate is not doing something that Jehovah hates. It is the unfaithful spouse’s deceitful conduct that is hated by God.

If a dedicated Christian divorces his wife for adultery, how does he thereby make her a subject for adultery? She is already an adulteress by her own course and choice. It would not be divorce that drives her into adultery. However, if the husband divorces his wife for any other reasons, even reasons admitted by the law of the land, except for fornication or adultery, then he does expose her to adultery in the future. How so? Because according to God’s law the unadulterous wife is not disunited from her husband by such an unscriptural divorce. She is still his wife and is thus not free to remarry and have sex relations with another legal husband.
Hence when Jesus says, “seeing that whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery,” he does not mean any divorced woman at all. He means the woman legally divorced “except on account of fornication”; that is, an unadulterous divorced woman. This same principle holds true in the case of a husband whom his wife divorced although he had not acted adulterously. Any woman marrying him would lead him into adultery and herself become a fornicatrix.

That's God's law

Answer 4

Jehovah's Witnesses have strong views on the issues of marriage and divorce. Ideally, marriage is a life long commitment,but we understand that this is not always possible. According to the Scriptures, (Matt 19-8,9) the only way a person can divorce and remarry is in the case of adultery. In other circumstances, separation is possible with divorce as a last resort in cases where severe physical, emotional, or sexual abuse is present. In this case, the innocent partner is not free to remarry unless the offending partner dies or evidence of fornication is found.
Understand that you are the innocent partner even though you filed for divorce. You have to protect yourself and your daughter.

Answer 5

I hope you accept this information, because I know were you are coming from, my wife got a unscriptural divorce, neither one committed adultery, so I am not free to remarry according to what Jesus said:

God, the Originator of marriage, designed it to be a permanent union. But is there any Scriptural reason for a person to divorce his or her mate, and one that would allow for the possibility of remarrying? Jesus addressed this matter by declaring: “I say to you that whoever divorces his wife, except on the ground of fornication, and marries another commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:9) Sexual infidelity by a mate is the only ground for a divorce that will allow the innocent mate to remarry.

In addition, the Bible’s words at 1 Corinthians 7:10-16, while encouraging marriage mates to stay together, allow for separation. Some, after trying very hard to preserve their marriage, feel they have no choice but to separate. What can be acceptable Scriptural grounds for such a step?

One is willful nonsupport. When getting married, a husband assumes the responsibility of providing for his wife and children. The man who willfully fails to provide the material necessities of life “has disowned the faith and is worse than a person without faith.” (1 Timothy 5:8) So separation is possible.

Another is extreme physical abuse. So then, if a mate physically abuses his wife, the victim may separate. (Galatians 5:19-21; Titus 1:7) “Anyone loving violence [God’s] soul certainly hates.” Psalm 11:5.

Another ground for separation is the absolute endangerment of a believer’s spirituality—one’s relationship with God. When a mate’s opposition, perhaps including physical restraint, has made it impossible to pursue true worship and has imperiled the believer’s spirituality, then some believers have found it necessary to separate. Matthew 22:37; Acts 5:27-32.

However, if divorce is pursued under such circumstances, one would not be free to enter a new marriage. According to the Bible, the only legitimate ground for divorce that permits remarriage is adultery or “fornication.” Matthew 5:32.

The Bible allows only one reason for getting a divorce that frees a person to remarry, and that is fornication (Greek, porneia, gross sexual immorality). If fornication is committed, then the innocent mate may decide whether to get a divorce or not. Matthew 5:32.

After telling the Pharisees that the Mosaic concession of divorcing their wives was not the arrangement that had prevailed “from the beginning,” Jesus said: “I say to you that whoever divorces his wife, except on the ground of fornication, and marries another commits adultery.” (Mt 19:8, 9)


Marriage involves two people with differing personalities learning to develop common interests and working together toward common goals. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, not a casual agreement that can be lightly abandoned. In many countries, divorce is not difficult to obtain, but in the eyes of a Christian, the marriage relationship is sacred. It is ended only for a very serious reason. (Matt. 19:9) Christian spouses can avail themselves of wise counsel from the Bible, support from fellow Christians, and a close, prayerful relationship with God. A successful marriage endures, and over the years, it brings happiness and contentment to husband and wife. More important, it brings honor to God, the Originator of marriage

Answer 6

I am an ordained minister (celtic pagan.)

when i preform a marriage or handfasting. i use a ceramony that
leaves the possibility that these people may not always love each other open.

people may love each other very much at one point and have many problems later. and noone should feel trapped in a marriage that does not satisfy their human , spiritual or emotional needs. noone should have to be afraid of going home at night or waking up in the morning. when a marriage gets this bad you have the legal right the emotional need and i believe the spiritual need to end it.

honestly how can you continue to grow as a spiritual person(in any religion) if you are afraid of your own home and not happy in your marriage.

my advise would be for you to drop this guy , anyone that would treat their kids like that is niether husband or father.

Answer 7

Are you a Christian? If you are, and you decide to divorce, please know that God will heal your life. It won't happen overnight, but once you are out of this horrible situation and get your feet under you again, He will make a new life for you. Just keep in the word, go to church, stay true to Jesus...stay pure and focused. I was divorced too, and He put my life back together in a beautiful way. It will be all right, trust Jesus. I'm so sorry you are going through all this, and your poor kids as well.

I would like to add, the other posters are absolutely correct, biblically speaking. If adultery is not involved, the woman is told, in the bible, not to marry again, to remain single. Now, there are women (and men) who have married again anyway...and I leave that to them and God, I judge no one on these matters. May He guide you with His wisdom and love.

Answer 8

Only you really know what is happening.. You obviously need to get away from him and he needs help. You didn't say so, but you must be a Christian, so I believe that God will guide you in what you need to do. Don't get physically beaten or let your daughter be beaten. Also we here are not your judges of why you have to do this. Just relax and I would imagine that you have a Pastor that should be able to help you. God Bless.

Answer 9

I've been there and have a good understanding of it. I think divorce is wrong but because marriage involves 2 people, you cannot control what another person may decide to do. If they want to run out, they will indeed.

I have written commentary on divorce that you may want to read. But please understand that I am against it and believe that it is wrong. The link is below.....
http://biblesense.com/Bible Talk/No Stain Can Remain.htm

Answer 10

You probably did the right thing.

Make sure you get counseling for you and your kids. It will help you deal with the changes in your lives.

Count on some friends to be there for you and support you; expect other friends to write you off. There's nothing you can do about them.

Remind yourself that while ideally, we marry for life, there is no reason on earth to stay in an abusive marriage. You suffer, your kids suffer -- for no purpose.

Ask for help when you need it. There will always be someone.

Good luck. : )