what do you do when you tell your kids to quit nicely once and they dont so then you scream?

Answer 1

When you are screaming or counting or making threats, you are teaching your children that they don't need to respond until you scream, or finish counting, or make good on your threat.

Instead, teach them with your ACTIONS that you mean what you say. Whatever you will do at the end of your patience, or your cycle, do that after the first time. For instance, if you want them to stop throwing toys... what would you do if they ignored you three times? Would they be put in time out? If so, then that's what you do after the FIRST time, if they don't obey.

It will take a while to retrain them (and you, probably) to this new system, but stay consistent. Do it EVERY SINGLE TIME. If you get wishy-washy, you'll show them that Mom only really means it sometimes, and they'll revert to ignoring your requests.

Depending on their age and maturity, it's a good idea to talk about this in advance. You might say, "I don't like screaming at you, and I'm sorry I do it sometimes. You really need to be obedient the first time I ask you to do something. That way, I'm not screaming, and we're not frustrated with each other. So here's the way it's going to be from now on...." and then tell them what the consequence will be for disobedience.

It shouldn't be too harsh, by the way. If it's a time out, a good rule of thumb is one minute for every year of age. It also shouldn't be delayed... like losing television time later, or going to bed early, or missing some future event.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Screaming is an emotional reaction. The kids are not emotionally involved the same way you are. Instead of screaming try asking them politely (but firmly, "Get down please" not "Honey, please get down now for mommy.") ONE time. Then, when they don't listen, walk to them, take them firmly but gently by the hand and move them or stop them, NO DISCUSSION. If they go back, just repeat the process. The third time they go back, simply, calmly and without a word, just move them. After they are away, tell them what the consequence will be (time out, a toy taken away) and follow through.
ALWAYS REMEMBER it is not the severity of the punishment but the certainty of it. If they know that you will come move them, they will listen to no. Under their own power is always preferrable to being moved/controlled. I hope that this will help you.

Answer 3

What do you do? Find out why you're being inconsistant. Either from fear of your parenting abilties, or not wanting confrontation, or not wanting to deal with the situation.

If you say stop once that should be enough. But only if they know that saying stop twice results in a spanking or time-out EVERY TIME without question or fail.

Growing up our mom gave us 'the evil eye' and snapped her finger at us... if we didnt respond to that we knew there was a hand on its way to our butt. Didnt matter if it was at home or in public. Every time, we knew thats what happened. So we always responded by stopping our behavior and either doing what we knew we should, or talking to her about what was wrong, and learning why it was wrong.

Consistancy is a parents biggest weapon, confidence is the second.

Answer 4

for my 3 and 4 year olds if I begin counting - 1 2 3 - usually before I get to 3 they have done or stopped doing whatever I asked them to do because they know if I get to 3 they are going to be in trouble. Works MOST of the time but certainly not always. Good luck!

Answer 5

My 2 year old is a pro at this and when she isn't looking I have to laugh. I ask her to do something and she tells me "NO" or chooses to ignore me. I say it a lot louder and sterner and she says "ok" and moves so quick that it looks like I pushed the fast forward button on the VCR. It gets annoying, but it is kinda cute. When this happens with my 6 year old- I use reverse psychology on him. When he asks me to do something I choose to simply ignore him. He then gets frustrated and I am able to prove my point. He'll start to listen again for a couple of days but kids are kids and we are back to the beginning again. I'm sure you did the same thing when you were a kid.

Answer 6

screaming usually doesn't solve a thing because they go back and do the same thing again. what i do is, if my oldest has done been told once to stop doing what he is doing and don't, i say his first and middle name ask him to come here, then i explain to him calmly i shouldn't have to tell him twice, once should be enough. if again he decides im going to test mommy, that is when there is no TV for the the hour of cartoon time, and that means its study time that hour. i will give him a blank piece of paper and a pencil and he has to practice writing his name over and over and over, which in my case it does work, not only is he learning how to do something for school that he should know he is also learning once mommy says to do something to do it, because id rather be watching cartoons for an hour then studying. my son gets one hour of cartoon time and one hour of study time if he misses up the cartoon time then he studies during that time. id rather have him studying when he gets into trouble.

Answer 7

I usually give them 3 warnings before I get really mad. But I don't like to spank, so instead I put them immediately in time (time out is a playpin in our house, its the only thing tall enough for them not to climb out of)out for at least 10 min. and I try to explain why they are there. They are still under 2 though, they understand alot of what I say and they know whats wrong, but its still hard to get them to understand everything.

Answer 8

I rarely had to raise my voice to my daughter. We raised her on the Privliges and rewards system, We set rules, if rules weren't followed she didn't get privliges, when rules were followed she was rewarded with privliges. There was no television in her room, no stereo, no phone. Television, videos, video games, stereo, phone (alas no home computers when she was small) were ALL privliges, even going with me to the mall was a privlige. They had to be earned and twice a month if she got through with a majority of good behvior for two weeks she got a special treat of her choice. So I rarely had to raise my voice because she wanted to earn the thing she enjoyed.

Answer 9

I did that for years before I had enough,when I all of a suddenly quit yelling & I spoke in a stern voice,the kid knew I ment it.its not how loud you are, its how it sounds.

Answer 10

never yell. as a kid my mom did that and i would feel horrible ask nicely or take the child aside to talk to them, calmly.