Mom's who's husbands work out of town, do you ever feel like a single parent?

Question

My husband is going to go to school to be a correctional officer. He'll be home only on the weekends for about 4 months. I'm scared of raising our kids by myself during that time. Do the kids loose their connection with their dad?

He's a really involved father. He does every thing from change diapers to kissing owies.

Answer 1

Yes. My husband is in the military. Luckily, he is not deployed right now. However, he *is* at BNCOC (basically, school so he can be promoted from E-6 to E-7). This is in Oklahoma. I am in Pennsylvania. Our baby was born July 1. He had to leave for Phase 1 BNCOC on July 30, and was gone for three weeks. He left on the 11th of this month for Phase 2, and will be gone until Nov 11. So, first of all, the kids will NOT lose the connection with their kids. I personally know and helped take care of a family with three children, ages 4, 5, and 9 whose father was deployed to Afghanistan for a year. They didn't lose their connection. They spoke to him on the phone every couple of weeks, used email to stay connected, sent care packages, etc. Their dad always made sure to remember birthdays and to try to get to a phone on those days and other special days (first day of school, Christmas, etc.). This was not always easy or possible, but he tried. When he came home, it was (to the kids) as if he had never left, and he'd been gone for a year.
Your kids will see their dad every week. They will not lose their connection. It will be hard for you, but you will be able to make it through this. I have seen many many military mothers deal with new babies, three or more kids at a time, special needs children, etc. on their own, away from their extended family, and often in a newish town. You can do this, and you will be fine. You may want to pull your hair out every once in a while, but, just remember that this too shall pass, and it will make a better life for you all. Don't be afraid to ask for help every once in a while either.
And tell your husband he needs to hire a babysitter to take the kids to the movies or something one of those nights so YOU get to have some special time with him, as well...don't want to lose THAT connection, either :-)

Answer 2

Well, ironically enough, my husband and I are just coming to the end of a similar situation! He will be coming back to Iowa tomorrow from Oklahoma after being in Army training since July. We only saw him once at the beginning of September for three days the whole time he's been gone. It is very hard, our daughter is 8 months old now, and yes, I did feel like a single parent. I do not have family that is thoughtful enough to help me, even with the situation I'm in. And if I ask, they never have the time. We couldn't pay for a babysitter. And I'm not working again yet! So I was at home a lot, except for when we went for rediculously long stroller walks almost every day when the weather was nice. I haven't been out of the house by myself or done anything normal since he left! So I can't wait for daddy to get back!!
We're lucky because our daughter is young, but she still knows who her daddy is. I let him talk to her for a minute or so when he would call, and we had a picture of my husband holding our daughter next to the chair where I feed her and read to her. We looked at the picture every day and I would tell her when he was coming home and tell her about what he was doing. I would mention him when I was feeding her in her high chair, or when we were sitting and looking at books. "dad" and "dada" are her choice words to yell around the house all day, she only says "mom" and "mama" when she's mad or upset or wants me to pick her up lol. Anyway, you just have to remind yourself that it's in the best interest of your family for your husband to be doing this, and it won't last forever. There may be some days where you think you may lose your mind, but usually a walk outside or a nice long bath after the kids are in bed will help with that. Depending on the age of your kids, I am sure they will be fine. It's only for a small fraction of a year, and at least they get to see him on the weekends! That's good, right?
Best of luck to you and your family! My heart goes out to you!

Answer 3

My husband is in the Air Force. Since our kids have been around he's gone to basic (6 weeks), technical school (4 months), and then when at the end of my pregnancy and for the first for months after my son was born he was in Iraq (8 months). I don't only have my son but we care (as in he lives with us full time) for my cousin. Sometimes I do feel like a single parent--only lucky me, I don't have to work also. It gets very lonely and for me scary--while he was deployed he wasn't able to call for five days--which is a long time for us! My dad was also in the military. He went away a lot on TDY and deployments. Sure, we missed our father but we got along fine without him. We missed him but didn't loose a connection with him at all. My cousin (five years) however, did have a hard time when my husband got home. He was used to being my number one and having all my attention and then I had to figure out how to split up the time. Either way it goes communication is key. You need to make sure they see pictures, hear stories, and talk to your husband at least once a month. It's important for them to send him gifts and letters from home. I know our situations are different but I feel for you. Best of Luck!

Answer 4

yes i do feel like a single parent at times. My spouse works out of town and is home on weekends. he leaves 5:00 a.m monday mornings and comes home like 8:00 p.m. friday nights. So actually he is only home 2 days. Sometimes its hard. but he has been doing this for the past 2 years so i guess i'm just used to it. He works hard to take care of his family so i can stay home with our daughter who is almost a year old. she doesn't seem to have lost her connection to him but she does have fun with him but she still wants mommy most of the time that he is here.

Answer 5

I have 3 boys and Im pregnant with our 4th and my husband works in the oil field. He is gone for 3 weeks to 6 weeks at a time and comes home for 1 to 2 weeks at the most. So its very very hard for me. Although he is gone alot, the kids have nver lost a connection with him. THey get so excited when he comes home and they love to be with him the whole time he is here. Its very difficult especially being pregnant and extremely sick, but I guess Ive gotten use to it.

Answer 6

My husband is a truck driver and I do feel like a single parent a lot of the time, but I feel special because he takes care of my son and I so well.

Answer 7

well my husband leaves for one or sometimes two weeks out of every month. i look at it as a time for me to get myself together in the head since he works on my nerves so bad. sometimes i wish he'll take our daughter too. i feel like a single parent when his lazy a^& is at home anyway, so when he leaves it doesn't matter to me. but when he comes home, i always look forward to seeing him.

Answer 8

MY HUSBAND IS A TRUCK DRIVER AND GONE A LOT OF THE TIME, WE HAVE MANAGED TO HAVE 4 CHILDREN AND ALL OF THEM LOVE HIM DEARLY, DON'T GET ME WRONG IT IS HARD AND I DO FEEL LIKE A SINGLE MOTHER MOST OF THE TIME, BUT HE CALLS EVERY NIGHT TO TALK TO EACH OF THEM INDIVIDUALLY HE IS HOME EVERY WEEKEND AND SPENDS MUCH QUALITY TIME WITH THEM...HE HAS NOT LOST HIS CONNECTION WITH THEM AT ALL...IF ANYTHING IT HAS MADE MY KIDS REALIZE HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO HAVE DADDY AROUND...DON'T WORRY EVERYTHING WILL BE O.K....IF POSSIBLE GET A WEB CAM AND IF HE HAS ACCESS TO A COMPUTER THAT HAS ONE THEY CAN SEE EACH OTHER FACE TO FACE ON THE COMPUTER, ,MY KIDS LOVE IT!!!!