My mom is way to overbearing and to controlling. Any time I try to suggest something or express an opinion, that even slightly contradicts hers, she yells at me and tells me how wrong I am. Sometimes she even tells me that I don't know anything and commands me like a dog. I've tried to sit down and tell her that it really hurts me and even makes me cry sometimes, but she won't hear a word of it. Then the yelling begins again. Please somebody help me. How do I tell her w/o making her angry? (try to begin with something creative, because every time I say "I don't like it when..." or "It upsets me when..." She goes balistic and tells me it is not my place to say what I like and don't like. I'm 15 if that helps."
2006-10-24 13:46:17 · 6 answers · asked by black_star_47001 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My father is abusive and lives two states away with his fiancee's family.
2006-10-24 14:07:20 · update #1
Try not starting out by saying "I don't like it when..." or "I get upset when..." because the very next word out of your mouth is the word YOU! That puts her immediately on the defensive. Instead, try keeping it more on the "I" level. "This morning when I *did this*, can you please explain to me why it made you angry? I don't understand."
If the yelling starts, remain calm. It's hard, trust me!!! But, when/if it does start, calmly ask her "Why are you yelling at me?" If it doesn't stop, then firmly say that you are trying very hard to have an open and honest conversation with her because you are worried about how the relationship between the two of you is going right now. Tell her you're worried about the future of your relationship because you need her.
If she still won't stop yelling, then tell her that you're going to walk away if she doesn't stop yelling at you. Don't yell it to her! Nothing will change if you do that. Be firm and actually walk away if she doesn't stop. Tell her that there's no way that you can have the kind of conversation or relationship with her if she's going to continue to yell. The last thing you need to say is, "I'd really like to talk with you about things. Please let me know when you're calm and are able to talk because I can't do it with the way things are right now." And then turn around and walk away.
This will show her that you mean business and that you're grown up enough to have a real heart to heart with her. It might take her a little while to come around, but eventually she should. After all, someone needs to stand up and be the adult, right? If it isn't going to be her, it might as well be you.
One thing to consider is this...if you're not respecting her, she won't respect you. Respect and trust are not freely given. They are earned, even with your parents. There's no way she's going to sit down and talk with you if you are yelling at her as well. Respect is a 2-way street. You shoudl automatically respect her because she HAS earned it from you. She brought you into this world and has comforted you when you needed it, she's fed you, bathed you, changed your diapers, made sure that you had plenty of clothes that fit and were clean. She's worked to make a living to support you. She has every right to demand respect. The problem is that you're at the age where you also demand respect, but you really haven't earned it yet. I'm not trying to be hurtful or insulting, it's just that you ARE 15 years old. You're still young.
I wish you lots of luck, sweetie. You shouldn't have to be put thru this at your age! I'm sending you hugs to comfort you and positive thoughts to strengthen you. You CAN do this!!
2006-10-24 14:15:10 · answer #1 · answered by Joy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first things first. She's your mom and you're under age. what she says goes (usless she's abusive, which then of course you have rights). You absolutely have the right to speak up, but when the person, no matter who they are doesn't want to listen there's not much you can do. That's not just a mom thing that's a fact of life. It sound like she's angry. And she's probably NOT angry at you, but she doesn't neccessarly have an outlet. Does that make it right? No. Best thing to remember is to weed out the important things and the not so important things and fight for the things that mean the most to you. I mean if this is about a curfew you hate than too bad. But if it's about things that are reasonable than speak up.
2006-10-24 15:00:24 · answer #2 · answered by puzzleraspie 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Suggestion - When asking a question put the subject up like "angry mum". I don't think anything can change her - you can only control the way you react. It is probably best for you to keep your opinions to yourself at this stage and whenever you see her flip out remind yourself of how you won't be like that when you have kids. Controlling people like this don't give in and never, never concede. So you are wasting your breathe trying.
2006-10-24 13:57:25 · answer #3 · answered by auntynoall 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
wow seems like whatever u try to do she gets mad....sorry kiddo maybe u just gotta deal with her the best way u can..u said u tried talking to her and letting her know how u feel and she wont hear it...what can u do? where is your father at? if hes around let him know how your mother makes u feel if they arent together but u and him still talk alot try to move in with him..hope u work things out with her someday she is gonna need u! more than what u need her!
2006-10-24 13:53:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i know how you feel, my step dad is exactely the same, i try to find out how to deal with him. and by the way im 14.
2006-10-24 14:12:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try writing how you feel about her in a letter
2006-10-24 14:20:05 · answer #6 · answered by ruby 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋