My neighbors...Did I do the right thing?

Question

Our neighbors, who live right next door are pissed because I won't take their son to school in the morning when I drop my son off.

I have taken him on occassion and even dropped him off at home after school, but this child is very rude, and I have my own issues to deal with; I have an Autistic son and two other children to care for.

Over the summer, this child spent a lot of time in our backyard and in our house even though we were still settling in. We had only been in our home for a couple of months.

From the begginning, the parents didn't care for us too much; they didn't come over to introduce themselves, we had to go to them, but we still welcomed their child. I've tried to be the bigger person. But, my son has never been in their house or backyard and they are capable of dropping their child off in the morning anyway.

Now, they ignore us, don't speak and their children do the same thing. How do we keep the peace?

Thank you everyone for your responses. I really appreciate all of your support. :-)

Oh, and all of these answers were the best answer.

Answer 1

if they are being that rude then there is nothing you should do. they are in the wrong and it seems that they won't change their minds.

Answer 2

Do they understand that you have to deal with an Autistic child everyday and how stressful and exhausting that can be. If they don't understand then they are just jerks. However you still have to live next to Mr. and Mrs. Jerk and son. So I would make an effort ( no matter how painful it is going to be )to go over their and apologize for not taking their son to school and tell her you would be glad to do it. This helps you by easing the tension between all of you and now you have an opening if you have an emergency and may need their help. Maybe you could take turns driving the kids to school. In any case I would not allow the boy to be rude without telling him of his actions and why he was being rude. He probably doesn't know because he is doing what his parents do. You'll be doing the kid a favor and maybe he'll turn out to be a nice kid after all. Good luck.

Answer 3

It sounds like you have tried to make the best of the situation when the neighbors don't seem to care. Take it from someone who has battled it out with there neighbors I would play it cool and always take the high road. One comment or look can set off a feud that will make living next to the jerks a living hell. It's unfortunate that you are going through this because the real victims will be the kids. Good luck

Answer 4

You sound like a very nice person. The fact of the matter is, you have acted as a good neighbor by taking their child to school and welcoming him into your home. They have not returned the favors and even worse, have been rude to you.

I am a lot like you, however, and I try to keep the peace and do not like when other people dislike me. I have found asking myself the question: "Do I like this person?" is usually helpful. Most of the time I don't like the person/people and I take a deep breath and tell me self that it is okay that they don't like me because I don't llike them either.

As far as day-to-day life goes, I would remain civil. If they are in a bind, and you're feeling generous, drive their kid to school - but do it on your terms.

Answer 5

Yeah. Honey, don't let these jerk-offs get to you. I have the same thing going on. I have a relatively impaired 7 year old, and in the next apartment building to us, there is a family of 3 boys, all within 9-3 years old. These kids are freaking animals. I swear to everything that is holy, if I had three minutes in a dark alley with their mother and nobody looking, I'd show her a thing or two about being a real mother.

These neighbors of yours, ther didn't welcome you to the neighborhood because they didn't want neighbors - They only got to know you when they found out you would tolerate their little demon spawn. You aren't a neighbor, you're a babysitter they can pay in guilt trips. They're crappy parents and let them deal with their own little tyrant.

For example - the kid next to us came over, and in the first 5 minutes that I knew him - Told me that I was a b**** because I told him that if they left, their video game was being turned off. Then, on his way out the door (he was lucky to not have my foot escorting him out the door), I found his brother going through my kitchen drawers (don't know what he was looking for, but I don't tolerate that kind of crap in my house).

These kids' mother lets her 3 year old run loose in the neighborhood while she sleeps in in the morning. I've called the police about her, and complained to the apartment management - but as much as I can't stand the kids, I feel bad for them.

If anything - Don't let them get to you, but if they bring anything up to you, just let them know that you can't take care of their child because you don't have the authority to discipline him, and since they don't want do their jobs, it's best for your family if he didn't come over.

Hope this helps!

Answer 6

I think your neighbours have already made the decision for you. It looks as if nobody is going to be coming over to play from their house anymore...

On the "carpooling"...
He isn't your child and you have tried to be helpful. How did he get to and from school before you moved into your house?

On your child with autism...I know at least three boys who are autistic and you already have your hands full without adding someone who sounds as if he might enjoy aggrevating your son.

I don't know what else you were to do in this situation. I suspect that you'd have been doing more and more favours for your neighbours and they would have been more than a bit surprised should you have ever needed any help.

So, stop worrying about it, be bigger than they are when you see them, and let it go. ; )

Answer 7

You are stating your side of an arguement. You are thinking your side of an arguement. However, there are two sides. Without the other side of the story, you (and the listeners of just your side) will continue to think that the neighbor is behaving unreasonably.

I believe that you need to open your ears and heart to the other side of the story.

By the way, when you started off you used the word p***ed and it really turned me off. That may seem unreasonable to you, and I recognize that, and I shrugged it off as I read your story.

I tell you this in order to illustrate the fact that we all come from different backgrounds. We can not know motives without communication.

I hope that you can find peace in your relationship with the neighbor.

Answer 8

Plz dont be tensed, in this world people r full of many problems...a bigger person is tht who deal with it wisely! so wht u have to do is just go talk to them wht do u feel abt them and tell them tht it is not right to be apart from eachother...ask them wht they feel abt u and clear up all the misunderstandings between eachother...if u show them ur attitude the bst once in a while they will realize their own mistake and will come back to u...remember patience is a gr8 virtue....have patience whtever they do wrong with u...u will be rewarded on the day of jugment too and u will also have ur neighbors back!...u asked for peace...peace can only be get if u r together...

Answer 9

this is difficult to answer because you never liked them in the first place i think they are wrong but you want to keep the peace sooo i think you should be the bigger person and go apologize keep it simple but don't go up to them and say I'm sorry you should go up to them one morning and say let me give your son a ride or something like that then if they say something like i thought you didn't want to take him then say something like yeah that's true i was just being selfish and i wasn't thinking of you guys and how buzy you are (even though you weren't being selfish just say it anyway) then say but i can take your son to school if you want also ask to start a carpool system like every other day or every other week something like that then invite their intier family to you house for i dont know maybe like tea and dessert so you can get equanted
good luck
ps make sure you get that carpooling thing so they can take your children to school sometimes too although i think from what you said that your neibors are jerks thats just me i think you should really get to know them beter before you judge

Answer 10

The word says to keep peace with all men IF...possible.
I am sorry to say that some people you just cant keep the peace. Besides you have a right to see who hangs out with your children and around your home. But also to remember he may need some love godly love if he has none from home. Pray.

Answer 11

Sounds like you have peace now since they don't speak to you. You have no obligation to be friends with bad neighbors. You have made an effort and that's the best you can do. As far as I'm concerned you did the right thing.