Should I give up on my dad?

Question

My mom and dad seperated over a year ago, and are now divorced. My dad cheated on my mom. When my mom confronted him, my sister and I were with her, and my dad's girlfriend attacked my sister. He and his girlfriend are expecting a baby together. My dad called my sister on his way home from work yesterday, and she asked him why he never calls her any other time than when he is on her way home from work. He said that his girlfriend doesn't let him call either my sister or myself because we will not come to her house to see him. My birthday was on a weekend, and I did not get a call until Monday because he was with her all weekend. We live in different towns, and he was even in my town on my birthday. Should I just let go or keep trying? My head tells me to let go, but my heart tells me to keep trying.

Answer 1

Keep trying....never give up on him....im sure shes controlling everything he does,,,but the sorry truth is hes lettingher do this to him and his kids. One day he will see she is wrong for him,,and he will regret not doing the thiings he should have with you and your sis. Shes just very jealous of you and your sis,,and the fact that they are having a child now too is probably making her really jealous that he can only have a relationship with thier new baby. He will be very sorry one day. but dont give up.

Answer 2

My husband and I divorced many years ago, when my 3 children were very young. I read your question to my son and so this answer is from his perspective. Here goes: As much as it hurts and as much as you miss your Dad you may need to give up...he's already given up on you and your sister. NOTHING should keep a parent from their child, unless they are physically enable. Your Dad is not thinking of you and your sis right now. Give him space...don't continue to chase after his love, when doing so only hurts you more when you get the kind of reaction he's showing you. It sounds like your Dad needs to do some growing up, and frankly needs to grow some "manhood!" He's letting his girlfriend decide his life and relationship with his kids. That's no kind of Dad and NO KIND OF MAN! We think you and your sister should try writing ALL your feelings about this in a letter to your dad...and tell him "the ball's in his court." As hard as it will be for you, you just need to pull back and wait, if your Dad comes to his senses and reaches out that's great. If you don't see him again, well at least you won't have wasted anymore energy and time on someone who doesn't deserve the title "dad. Best wishes! PS. Learn from his mistakes and when you become a parent be so much better than this.

Answer 3

No use in beating a dead horse here. Obviously your dad knows he has screwed up and has made his bed and wants to sleep in it. He also sounds like a big wuss for the way he goes about contacting his daughters (guess she wears the pants!).

You have two choices here. 1) Accept how things are and just roll with it despite the fact you don't really like it 2) Go to his home, put up with the new girlfriend, and enjoy some time with your dad (you don't have to like her, or be her friend, but just get along for long enough to get some dad time in)

I know your situation sucks, but my husband is going through the same thing with his dad - you are not alone. He usually shows up, acts nice, and then comes home and talks all kinds of stuff to me (you can imagine I bet!). Either way your dad will continue to be a wuss, so you have to be the bigger person here and do your best. One day he may come around, but for now this IS the situation so good luck!!!!

Answer 4

you know what your dad decided to be with this other woman and gives an excuse not to contact you or your sister because his girlfriend says so. It sound like you need to just go on with your life and tell your dad that he needs to get a backbone and stand up to this so called girlfriend of his. He cheated on your mom and he is not worth of a father to you when he doesnt even take the time and be there for your birthday.

Answer 5

Experience is a cruel pill.

My parents divorced when I was 11 it was nasty. Over the years we all became estranged. I saw my father 2-3 times a year and then after high school not at all. Only within the last 5 years have we become close . It took time and hard work on both sides - pain and hurt just doesn't vanish. I was there for him when he buried my step mother who died of cancer after they were married 25 years. He was there for me when we buried our oldest son due to a traffic accident. He was there to see me through our (my husband and I) second oldest tour in Iraq and his 4 years in the Army.

If you check I was well over 30 before we could treat each other with the love and respect of adults but when times of crisis arose we were there. Love knows no time limit. Life your life - stay open for him to call but don't hang by the phone letting life pass you by. Take pictures of mile stone events he misses - some day he may want to see them. If not you can remember the event with a smile.

Answer 6

life is so simple when your younger , your father is caught between a rock and a hard place, and you have gotten swept up in it.
his gf is obviously very insecure, but your dad is trying to live life the best way he can, sometimes this impinges on you in bad way. in a perfect world he wouldnt have cheated ad he would be still at home , but it didnt work out that way and it is life, there would be more to it than just him cheating something happened with your mum to cause a break down, your mother will never tell you eiother becuse she wants to paint him as evil , or she is in denial or she doesnt know.

at the end of the day he is your dad , no one else will ever be. he didnt leave you he left your mum and that is their issue not yours.
he did call you and he does think of you , he cares and loves you, but he is trying to please all teh women in his life and that is hard as women are emotional and often illogical creatures. What yopur upset about isnt that he doesnt love yopu and care for you ( which he obviously does) but that he wont put you above his gf.
his gf is in the wrong sure, but try to rise above it and cut your dad some slack, if you break off all contact what is teh adavnatage to you?....you lose your father and in return you get one up over the gf?
that isnt to your advantage. many people would be jelous you have a father who cares and loves you, its not perfect, but life isnt.
be happy with what you have

Answer 7

It isn't your job to keep trying. Find a way to forgive him and let it go. Not in anger. But for your own peace of mind. It is only when we let go that things sometimes become clearer. Give everyone a break for a minute. Revisit it some time later. Not too later. Also, try different approaches. The responsibility is on him. Until he stands up to Cruella, there will be a problem.

Answer 8

um tricky but not,
Your Dad is with a girl that attacked his daughter is all I can see.
Not good.
Your dad is behaving disgustingly and sound scared of her, is he going to stand by and do nothing when your mother beats his new baby??? yeah thats a mad thing to say but it amount to the same thing.....your dad should have walked away from this common tart straight away, she must be really insecure to steal someones husband and beat his children.
Disgusting. I feel bad that some trollop has stolen your Father from you,
You shouldnt give up no, (sounds like hes having a moment of weekness) but keep out of her way because people of that mentallity never change.
Trust in Karma.
Look after your Mother.

Answer 9

My divorce was really rough on my 2 boys...my ex-husband was a real jerk to my youngest son...after a few years...their relationship is a whole lot better. My son kept on trying and finally it was worth it...they are getting along a lot better than they used too. I know that what you and your sister is going through is really tough...but you have to ask yourself this question....is your relationship with your dad worth fighting for??? Only you two can answer that.....no matter what advice anyone gives you the final decision will have to be made by the both of you.

Answer 10

Tell him to tell his gf that she has no right to stop him from visiting his daughters and calling them. He should be a man and not listen to his gf. If he loves you, then he should have called you, no matter what.

Tell him how you feel but don't give up cause a dad is a very special and important person in your life.

Good luck and hope everything changes for the better.