Yet my question on what is the world coming to regarding another child being buried today shot dead on the street possibly at the hands of another child you say kids need a smack. I just don't understand.
So many children carry knives guns and steal cars for joy riding
(joy riders have taken several young lives in the past week). How many children have been murdered in the UK recently at the hands of another child. There is no deterrent these days kids certainly are beginning to rule.
2006-10-24 10:20:38 · 43 answers · asked by Candy 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I feel sorry for you people, you obviously can not trust yourselves to give a smack when required or perhaps i should call it a tap on the bottom, I have tapped all three of my children never left a mark on them but it made them think I should have listened to mummy. A they got older i never had to tap them. None of my children have grown up to be scared or violent they all have children of their own and all are very stable.
2006-10-24 10:34:15 · update #1
Poppy I so agree with u!! I used to smack my kids when they were younger and it never did them any harm, as they got older it was needed less and less and when my eldest got to 11 i told her she was going to have a smack for being really cheeky and she phoned 999 on me! The police came blue flashing lights for all the neighbours to gawp at! and she told them it was against the law now for me to smack her. They quickly put her in her place and told her that if i left a visible mark then i would be spoken to and that she was a drama queen! The police also understand how demanding kids can be and we embarked on how when we were younger we'd all get a clip round the ear. There was certainly not half the violence in society that you see today on streets
2006-10-25 02:06:42 · answer #1 · answered by madmoo0 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Some people can smack (or tap) responsibly and some people cant. The people that cant get carried away and use it all the time instead of talking to their children and that's where you can get problems. It ends up meaning nothing to the child as it has happened so many times before, and how does the parent compensate for this, they smack harder. At what point would they say this is now abuse? The people that can, use it only in very serious situations and very sparingly. I have 2 children and have never had cause to smack them but I think I would if the situation was serious enough and I thought it warranted it.
2006-10-26 11:20:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The problem is that smacking has been proved to be an ineffective parenting tool. Many studies have proved this. Smacking does increase the chances of a child responding to a parent's command immediately, but it does not change their behaviour in the long term. This means that they continue to repeat the same behaviour.
The problem is that when a child is smacked the only thing that they think about is the fact that you have smacked them, and not what they have actually done wrong. A parenting tool such as the time out method lets the child think about what they have done, and why it was wrong. To give an example, recently I was on a bus. A young child was about to press the bell and the mother warned him not to do it. When he proceeded to do it he was smacked. If that had been my child I would have warned him that if he rang the bell we would have to get off the bus and walk home. If he had proceeded to ring the bell I would have made him get off and walk until I felt he was genuinely sorry for his action. In this way children can learn the consequences to their actions.
One of the problems with smacking is that it can lead to the 'rachet effect'. This means that over time SOME parents use increasingly severe punishments, which eventually ends in abuse (based on the assumption that you do not consider smacking to be abuse). Smacking can also cause cause mixed messages because parents often feel guilty about smacking their children and subsequently buy gifts for them.
Unfortunately the problem of society today is not caused by parents not smacking their children. A recent study has shown that 9 out of 10 of children aged between the ages of 5 - 14 had been smacked. I don't think that all the problems can be blamed on the remaining 1 in 10.
I think that one of the main problems today is that parents do not spend enough time with their children because they are forced to work. Because of this they feel guilty and tend to overcompensate with buying things for them.
Another problem is the general lack of respect for people that most parents have. For example frequently in our supermarket parents allow their kids to run about and do pretty much anything they feel like, as if it was a playground. The other day I was nearly kicked in the face with a ball, which a young boy of five was playing with. The mother saw what happened and didn't say sorry. She continued to allow him to play with the ball, and when she got to the checkout she didn't say a thing when he just left it in the middle of the floor. Children learn from their parents, and with so many parents (and I am not suggesting that you are one of them) showing absolutely no respect and consideration for other people it is no wonder that their kids do the same thing.
2006-10-24 11:20:14 · answer #3 · answered by Nearly Ninja 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I was smacked when a child and I deserved it because I did wrong. I've grown into a well balanced.and law abiding adult. I have never done anything to hurt others. My children were smacked when they were really naughty and they too are mature,intelligent, well balanced adults. The other day I was sitting in a bus station near a woman with four young boys. One of them (about 9 years old) got the mardies because she stopped him playing football in the stand. He then kicked her shopping bag with such a force I thought he'd smashed everything. She never hit him. Didn't even shout at him. Had he belonged to me I would have given him a swift slap and shouted at him in front of everyone who was waiting for the bus. He would have also been sent straight to bed upon arrival home. There is a difference between punishment and abuse which some people forget. No wonder so many children run riot, use foul language and have no respect for anything or anyone. We've gone too far the other way.
2006-10-24 10:47:27 · answer #4 · answered by Sandee 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you will read to the top left of each answer you will find the name of the person answering... You can cross reference these names in both of your questions and find out that names of those who oppose and condone "smacking" (spanking etc) a child are different people....
Each person answering a question is different some condone "smacking" (spanking etc) a child as a valid and useful tool to teaching a child... Others, myself included, do not... I believe "smacking" (spanking etc.) are violent and teach our children that violence solves problems... I truly believe there are better more productive means of teaching our children and modifying behavior..
I am raising a 19 year old , a 17 year old and a 9 year old... none of them has ever been spanked or smacked... They are caring, well behaved, opinionated, crazy, wonderful children, who have never had reason to flinch when I raise my hand, never feared being physically assaulted in thier own home..
Yes there are children who are out of control, I however do not agree it is because they were not "Smacked" (spanked etc)... I believe it is because no direction of any kind was given, a firm talking to and behavior modification beginning at the earliest age can and does produce well behaved productive children... It takes a lot more time and energy to talk and communicate with your children than it does to smack (spank etc) them... But my kids are well worth that time and energy, unfortunately many parents take the "smack" (spank etc) option and only teach thier children that fear , violence, and domination gets a person thier way... What a lesson..
2006-10-24 10:43:42 · answer #5 · answered by Diane (PFLAG) 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Personally I think it is very cruel to let your children grow up without adequate discipline. A smack doesn't hurt, and it is quick and doesn't scar the child psychologically the way some of the so-called 'non-violent' punishments do - eg shunning.
A child that grows up without discipline may or may not have a successful life, but he is certainly not happy while a child.
Personally I would not hesitate to smack a small child if it was warranted. Once the child is over about 9 I don't think it is so appropriate any more, but then at that age the child is capable of reason so it isn't necessary.
2006-10-25 01:12:50 · answer #6 · answered by TC 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Where i live a father has had his families life made hell by kids getting pissed and high outside his house and intimidating his and his neighbours families and any visitors. They have become prisoners in their own home at night. This culminated last week in them smashing up his Garden fence and throwing a brick through their living room window. The police say they can't do anything, "They are just Kids". I'm sure that these kids have got like this because their parents weren't allowed to discipline their kids properly. I'm sure a smack or two could have prevented some of these kids turning like this.
I agree, There is NO deterrent to stop these kids!
No discipline at School, No discipline from the law and No discipline at Home........
2006-10-24 10:37:49 · answer #7 · answered by Steven S 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Half the problem with today's youngsters is that there is no discipline. They are fearless because there are no consequences. Half the yobs walking around today need a blady good slap. Its time for the adults to take back the power - bring back the death penalty and introduce the cane back into schools. When 19 yr old was little and he was naughty he got a smack - sometimes even a hiding - he is a polite, level headed and very well liked young man. Knowing there are going to be consequences for your actions will make a lot of people think twice!!
2006-10-25 07:38:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
and you think disciplining kids turn them into murderers? What is going on in your head huh? I've been teaching in the uk for four years and parents seem to be controlled by their kids. They give them a pseudo type of love which involves less discipline to try to prove how much they love their kids. How mad is that. They come to school complaining about kids getting detentions (and in so doing supporting the kids bad behaviour) and ultimately throw their hands in the air and say they can't control the kids themselves. Some genuinely say they dont know how to get their kids to behave themselves. Where i'm from you "bend the bough while its bendable"...figuratively speaking, from an early age, so that when kids are firm in their resolve by the time they hit their teens, their resolve is bent towards that which is good and right and wholesome to them, not violent behaviour. I got a smack or 2 when i was a kid, i got through university and did something with my life. I think it made of me a better person, and i'm far removed from being "violent". When one smacks a kid, it doesnt automatically imply the abuse that you're suggesting, that is just people who are out of control, due to lazy / bad parents who can't / won't make the effort. I believe smacking ought to be used in moderation, and only when you can't reason with an outrageously naughty toddler...older kids ought to be stripped of priviledges by way of disciplining them.
What an upside down / backward view you have of things!
2006-10-24 10:28:00 · answer #9 · answered by Wisdom 4 · 6⤊ 1⤋
you are right. Parents no longer trust themselves. Smacking goes with love, maybe lots of them don't know what to expect from their children. My mum used to smack all of us but there is nobody on earth i'm proud of like my mum, I think she is the best mum and the best role model for me. she haven't failed none of us. Today I'm a mum and I can not describe the live that i feel for my daugther, but if she behave badly, i'll smack her and explain to her what was wrong with her behaviour.
It's unbelievable to see parents arguing with their children, crying after them, or verbally abusing each other and they say that love , that freedom of speech.
If is it so , why the ASBO thing?
2006-10-25 12:43:15 · answer #10 · answered by Mex d'or 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋