general question for everyone of all denominations?

Question

I have been invited to church for a memorial service by my brother for my mum Being pagan I don't go to church (only for hatch match and dispach) Ive been told go out of respect for my mother but do not wish to join in on the service.. My religious brother has said If I don't join in with the service then I'm being disrespectful . I asked him whether he would come to one of my meetings or join me in a circle casting his reply was never in a million years he didn't want to go to hell. How many of you find this hipocritical.

some interesting answers there but am baffled with 2 one from knight cruisader who seems to think that I am muslim WTF and some dude (name escapes me) who thinks im a satanist I do not believe in the devil or hell,

Answer 1

You don't have to go unless you want to do it for your mom, I'm Christian and I don't go to or trust church myself.

Answer 2

I find it very hipocritical, however I can see where your brother is coming from - partly. I can see where he would want you to come and honor your mother, and to do so in the place of her choice. I can't imagine anyone NOT wanting to honor their mother, assuming she didn't do some horrible thing to you.
Would you be opposed to joining your brother (and other siblings, father, etc) prior to the actual service (when no one else was around) and paying your final respects to your Mother? Perhaps there is a funeral home, mortuary, or some other place you can all meet and that would give you a chance to see your Mother one last time, and possibly be a suitable compromise for your brother.
He should not ask you to do something that makes you uncomfortable without being willing to do something that makes him uncomfortable.

Answer 3

Is your mother being honored in your circle? Well, she is in the church, which was her wish. I don't understand how you can be so shallow.. My siblings are all Mormons. When my mother passed away her service was help in the local Mormon meeting house.. It's just another place. But anywhere I could go to show my love and devotion for that wonderful woman I would go... I think you should stop worrying about yourself and remember your mom... Jim

BTW Christianity won't rub off on you..

Answer 4

I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my mother over ten years ago. When it happened I needed to make arrangements (I was an only child) but there was no one to ask what she would've wanted since her husband was in ICU. My gut feelings were that she didn't want a service. My aunt pressured me into arranging one anyway. I made sure that everyone was notified and all of the details were taken care of. But I chose not to attend. About an hour before the service, I left to make the 700-mile drive home. I chose to honor my mother in my own private way. Of course there were those who judged me for it but I've never had any regrets for not attending her service.

Several months later I learned from my step father that my gut feelings had been correct---my mother had never intended to have a formal service. She didn't believe in them (neither do I). When my step father passed, we honored both of their wishes by combining their ashes and burying them under mums in their favorite woods. No formal service, no words needed to be spoken. I am glad that I didn't miss that "non-service".

We all grieve and honor our loved ones memories in our own way and in our own time. Please, do what you feel is right for you. My prayers are with you.

Answer 5

Yes, as a Christian it is hypocritical of him. He is human and he has weaknessess and faults.

Even as a pagan, I am assuming that you loved your mother. Was she a Christian? If so, go to the service in respect and memory of her, not your brother or what he may want.

Stay kind and loving toward your brother during this time of grief on both your parts. His grief is coming out in different ways than your own at the moment. If what I have heard is correct, one of your main beliefs is to harm no one. Do not harm your brother during his grief by battle about belief's.

During the service, if you are not comfortable doing something, please do not do it. Outside acts not felt on the inside are meaningless and your brother knows this, even though he may not be thinking about this bit of truth at the moment.
Stay silent and sitting during these moments, so as not to disrupt or offend. If you feel compelled or led to participate in a certain part of the service, by all means do so because you felt led to, not because anyone expects it.

Answer 6

Yes of course he is a hypocrite, but that doesn't mean you can't rise above it, go to the service, join in, or be respectfully silent.
It's not out of respect for your mum, you know you have that respect already.
It's respect for your brother, you would not be a hypocrite by going, but maybe a good example.

Answer 7

I do not find this hipocritical. Now if you are have a memorial service for your mum at a circle casting and he did not go, that is hipocritical.

Answer 8

First, I am soooo sorry to hear about your Mother's death. I lost my mom 6 years ago.

Second, You need to go to the memorial service. If you don't want to participate in the service yourself, then that is up to you.

Third, if you need to talk, you can IM me or email me at [e-mail].

Answer 9

I would say it fits into your 'dispatch" option so go. I don't think not being in the service shows disrespect at all. Your presence says you honor your mum and your silence says you respect your brother's right to his own religion in that you are not speaking against it.

Answer 10

He's not asking you to go to this church to "worship"..... he's asking you to go out of respect, and in memory of your mother. For you to invite him to one of your meetings has nothing to do with the memorial for your mother. Personally, I don't know how you'd live with yourself, if you couldn't even bother to attend a memorial service for your mother. I know it's sure something I would regret the rest of my life.

Answer 11

I go to church all the time for my mom. It won't kill you. You don't have to sing or pray or take communion. Just stand when they all stand and sit when they all sit.
Who cares if someone else is a hypocrite. It doesn't mean you have to be.