do I or dont I ???

Question

I have been with my partner for 2 years and i dont know whether I should get married to him he asked over a year ago and we dont really get on but have to kids dont get me wrong on times we are very happy but i want the fairy tale you know feel excited when he comes home etc but not a thing? do i dump and find my true love or stay as we are a family..??

well theres a big big age gap im 19 and hes 39!!

Answer 1

you shouldnt stay 2gether just 4 the kids if you do dump him make sure he gets 2 c his kids this is a hard 1 2 answer but you will know what 2 do in the end why dont yous try a little break 2 c how you feel but remember he has a right 2 c his kids when ever he wants 2 i hope tis has helped you as this is what i would do if i was unsure on how i felt about my boyfirend but its up 2 you

Answer 2

You're 19 and have two kids?

Lets say that you dump him. What will you do? Who gets the kids? Kids are ALWAYS a messy fight. Where do you live? How do you work? Your oldest can't be older than 3, and your partner could be tried for rape since you were under 18.

Why do you NEED the fairy tale to be happy? What will that give you? A fairy tale ending or wedding isn't going to make everything better. You need to decide for yourself what's going to make you happy.

You both are in VERY seperate worlds. He's nearly twice your age! If you don't feel excited when he comes home, then you both need to relook at your relationshp.

Obviously you don't think that he's your true love. Don't marry him because of the kids. If you do, you're going to end up disappointed. Be honest with yourself, and think of your children.

Before you do anything, consider your options and what would be best for the children. If you do dump him, be sure to have alternatives as to where to go and what to do.

Answer 3

I do not believe you should stay together because you have kids, if you are unhappy the kids will pick up on that, it is far better to have two happy parents who live separately and can bring their kids up in a peaceful environment. However, there is no fairy tale, reality sets in whoever you are with, and although I do believe you can have magical times and a great life if both people are willing to make the effort, it will not always be happy times, everyone goes through rough patches or low times, and no matter who you are with, there are still the every day tasks such as washing/ironing/cooking/ cleaning to do, so I would advise writing a list of pros and cons for staying or going. Have you tried counselling to help draw you closer together?

Answer 4

You are very young; you don't know much about love, and you probably never will know it if you don't go out and experience it yourself. It doesn't have anything to do with the actual age difference, but more with the level of wisdom and maturity of both partners. From your question, it seems you are neither mature nor wise. The "love" that you're describing is called "passionate love", and is a comparatively short-lived stage in a love relationship. The mistake is to call this love "true love" - whereas the real "true love", in fact, is "companionate love".

"Passionate love" is defined as a state of intense longing for the union with another and a state of profound physiological arousal. This physiological arousal is also manifested and controlled through the perception of the recipient. All these activities are controlled by cortical activity and translated into speech when the individual is excited.

"Companionate love" is the affection we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply entwined. It is believed that passionate love, based on a human bio-physiological system shared with other primates, is a powerful emotion that can be both blissfully positive (when love is reciprocal) and despairingly negative (when love is unrequited).

Companionate love, on the other hand, is achieved only between partners who are able to positively reinforce each other's intimate behaviors. Although most people hope to combine the delights of passionate love with the security of companionate love in a single relationship, actually to do so may be impossible.

Just some food for thought, from the biological / scientific perspective.

Answer 5

Don't let your kids be a deciding factor. So many people think they're doing the kids a favor by staying together, but all it does is put the children in a situation where they live with two parents that don't love one another. Even if you're not at eachother's throats or anything, it's still better for the kids if you are in love with the one you're with, whether it be their father or not. My only question is are you 'sure' that this isn't the man you love? I hate to sound so negative, but I'm not sure there's such thing as the fairy tale relationships you're talking about. Hence, 'fairy tale' relationships. Everyone's got flaws and imperfections, it really just comes down to are you in love with him and can you see yourself spending your life with him?

Answer 6

There are no prince charmings - the trick to love is finding the frog you can happily live with for the rest of your life.

I can't believe you have kids at your age or that someone of his age got someone of your age pregnant. I think you need to grow up and stop living in a fantasy world. If you are not happy where you are then you need to have some serious conversations with your partner, putting the children first but not forgetting your needs too. If your issues can't be resolved then you need to move on. But be aware that the kind of 'true love' you describe does not exist, if you love your partner and are happy with him most of the time then concentrate on that - its a hell of a lot more than a lot of people have.

Answer 7

DO NOT STAY TOGETHER JUST FOR THE KIDS!!! I know lots of people think it is for the best but kids are not stupid. If either parent (or both) is not happy they will know. My parents were together for 27years - I'd like to say happy years but the last 6/7 were awful. The worst thing was they never argued - just lived in silence for 6 years. Trust me you have to do what is right in the long run FOR EVERYONES SAKE! And remember you won't always have the mega exciting feeling you get at the start, sometimes its just nice to be comfortable, happy and settled.

Answer 8

From my point of view babe, you'd be better off finding your true love. Even though there are kids involved, why stay with someone that doesn't make you happy. It'll be worse for the kids in the long run having to hear the arguements and feel the resentment in the air. They'll still see their daddy. Best of luck whatever you do x x x

Answer 9

You are still very young, and I know you have children together but you say you are 19 and he's 39, well it does strike me as a very big age gap when you are still so young.

You have to do what you feel is right for you, but my dear, no marriage will ever be a 'fairytale' for ever. I think it is a shame you had kids so young, but you have done, and you need to think about what is best for them.

Answer 10

DO NOT STAY TOGETHER "FOR THE SAKE OF THE KIDS". I'm so sick of people saying this. The thing that helps kids grow up happy is happy parents, not parents that are married. If you get married "for the sake of the kids" and end up in an unhappy marriage, your kids will pick up on your unhappiness, guaranteed. If you both marry someone else that makes you happy, then your kids will be better off, as long as you both still love your kids. My ex-best friend's parents "stayed together for the kids" through a pretty bad marriage. Their kids lost respect for them and now my ex-best friend is a heroin addict and in jail. A lot of good that marriage did him, he would have been better off with happy parents than married parents.