Ok Ladies and Gents. I need some help. My boyfriend/fiancee' and I have been dating over a year now and marriage and kids has definitely been the ongoing discussions lately. Well, we both want kids but i would like to be married first. I just got off b/c pills and my hormones are all screwed up so i cry alot and feel abandoned because everyone else has kids. Also, we are moving in February and i have no insurance so that plays a very big role on not becoming a mommy right now. Confused a lil bit as to what I should do? I really want kids, but I want the fairy tale wedding like every other woman.
2006-10-24 09:56:54 · 31 answers · asked by Marsha N 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Just want to thank everyone for such great help. I'm going to have a conversation with him tonight while we are away from the world.
2006-10-24 12:17:13 · update #1
If you two are ready for kids, I say go for it. Granted, if you end up having and children and you two split, this is going to be hard on the kids...but then again, it'd be the same story if you were to divorce. Okay, in all reality, I think you should do whatever you feel is right and you're comfortable with. No need asking any of us! We're not you! Good luck and I wish you two the best!
2006-10-24 15:52:21 · answer #1 · answered by Suse 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm.... let's think about this. You'd like to be married first, you are moving and have no insurance and also want to have the fairy tale wedding. Having kids because you feel abandoned and because everyone else has kids probably isn't a very good reason to bring kids into this world. How does your fiancee feel about this?
Why not enjoy married life together, just the two of you. You can travel and do the things that only childless couples can do. Then, after you get to do all of that, you can have kids and you won't feel like you ever missed out on that when you're older. If you really want to have kids, why not babysit your friends' kids for an evening or two? That way you can enjoy the "fun" of a little baby/kid and still go home at night without having to wake up in the middle of the night several times.
2006-10-24 19:14:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Especially if you don't have the finances OR the insurence, don't take the step into motherhood.
You are going to have plenty of time. Don't let that biological clock get in your way.
My husband and I had a son 1 year before we were married.
Reasons I wouldn't suggest it to others:
1) Unless you have the financal means to support a baby, don't do it. A baby deserves more. Babies cost a lot. Thankfully my husband and I were able to get on a free healthcare system since he was out of the job and I was in school.
2) You're still growing as a couple--marriage adds another depth to the marriage. Having a baby while just dating can be tough on your relationship if your relationship didn't have a sound base.
3) What IS your rush? You want the fairy tale wedding--let me tell you, while you're working AND planning a wedding AND caring for an infant, losing that weight is tough. Had I not had a kid, I would have fit into a size 14 dress. Because I didn't have time to focus on exercise (mind you I was finishing school as well), I wore a size 24. Everyone who sees our pictures says "OMG! What happened to you? You got FAT!"
4) Honeymoons get complicated. Who's going to take care of your baby while you're going? Who's going to take care of the baby during the ceremony? You have to depend a LOT on family which, depending on your situation, can be unreliable.
5) Once again, what is your rush? You don't bring a kid into the world because your clock is ticking. Get through the wedding first and then think about kids. THEN I would suggest waiting a year so you and your new husband can get used to each other as a MARRIED couple. Believe it or not, there is a HUGE difference. We were just married 3 weeks ago, and we didn't think there would be any difference. Yeah, we were wrong! Our whole mindset has changed. It's amazing.
2006-10-24 17:14:40 · answer #3 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Marriage first, you don't want to have kids becasue they take up a lot of time. You have only been together for 1 year, that is NOTHING. If you have kids before your married, I think your marriage will suffer a little, because you guys will never have you time. I am not too sure how old you are, but I would at least be married for a year and enjoy each others company. Save up some money, buy a house then think about having kids. I think you will enjoy life, marriage and be thankful you waited in the long run. Remember once you have a child, you have them forever.
2006-10-24 17:40:01 · answer #4 · answered by totallylovableandinlove 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I believe that marriage before children is the ideal way to go. I mean, you want to make sure that you and your boyfriend are going to last forever before you bring children into the picture. As much as you want children, you should wait until you have a ring on your finger. You can always have children later on. Question... Why did you get off your birth control pills anyway? How does your boyfriend feel about the marriage issue? If he is hesitant I would be concerned that he may not intend on being around forever and then children is definitely something you should wait on. Your hormones will straighten themselves out shortly and then you may feel differently about the children issue. Don't allow your feelings of loneliness and abandonment determine the rest of your life. Good Luck :)
2006-10-24 17:36:28 · answer #5 · answered by **hope/faith**1744 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage First then Kids. Don't know if you have a Planned Parenthood in your area since you do not have medical insurance but that would be a good place to start. Depending on how long you have to wait until your wedding date you could either try and hold out until the wedding or protect until then.
2006-10-24 17:14:12 · answer #6 · answered by money 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pre-natal care is very important. Would you really want to go through a move while pregnant? Your hormones are a little screwy right now, but thry're nothing compared to those of a pregnant women. Having a child because other people have kids doesn't sound like that good of a reason. Personally, marriage comes before kids for me.
2006-10-24 21:50:51 · answer #7 · answered by K S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage, without a doubt. It does not sound like you are in an emotional or financial position to have children right now. Wait until you married (and enjoy it awhile!!) and have insurance so you can proeprly care for you and your baby during your pregnancy.
If you plan on having a huge expensive wedding, you may also want to consider putting of children for awhile longer so you can pay for it all and not be in debt when the baby comes.
2006-10-24 17:05:50 · answer #8 · answered by Sativa 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Marriage first!! Get married and make sure you have a stable environment for your children to grow up before you start having them. Others may have kids and you want that now too, but it's so much better to have kids when you're ready, not because it's the trend.
2006-10-24 20:13:22 · answer #9 · answered by bluez 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
MARRIAGE ALWAYS FIRST THEN KIDS LATER. Thats one of the biggest mistakes people make is having kids before they are married. When you are financially stable then you have kids. Go ahead plan your fairytale dream wedding and you can worry about kids later. You dont want to rush having kids. You should enjoy married life for a while before you have kids. When you do start planning your dream wedding go to http://www.weddingchannel.com or go to http://www.theknot.com Those are great websites for planning your wedding. Good luck with everything!
2006-10-24 17:13:17 · answer #10 · answered by . 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋