my bf cant forget the past i realy hurt him and i fel so bad for it?

Question

my bf saying he cant forget the past which iv said sorry for so many times.
wot happen in the past was that when i was going onto him my guy best guy came onto me and we ended up having sex.i didnt tell my bf cause i was scared that he would dumb me.he keept coming ontome.i finaly told my bf and he was angry at first but than forgave me.

i feel dumb for having sex with my best guy m8 and iv told my bf that so many times.my bf think that this friday we would have been togther 1 year so we wont to do somethink to celabrate it but now he thinks theres no point.

Answer 1

It will take a while for his wounds to heal,

But you can not pay for it forever................Ask yourself how much longer you are willing to put up with it, at the moment he is humiliated and hurt so I can understand not wanting to celebrate your anniversary.......

Can you not go to a restaurant together so you can chat all night...

Ask him what you can do to help matters and mainly listen to him

Answer 2

I don't want to excuse his behaviour, but he could have been panicking about making the biggest decision of his life and was not sure if it was the right one. The fact that he never told you and has stayed with you means, to me, that he did not want to lose you, he wasn't just covering his ***. The issue here is you learning to deal with it. You have to learn to stop thinking about it. If the thought pops into your head, replace it with something else. You have forgiven him, that was your choice, so now you have learn to forget so you can move on. It happened a long time ago (although it is only new to you) and you two have put a lot of memories together in the meantime. You have lost your trust, your belief in what your marriage stands for and you need to get that back. He can help you, but don't be vengeful, and take some responsibility for rebuilding it yourself. Laying blame is not constructive: be proactive and do what you can to make it work. Don't ask for details, don't keep bringing it up. If you need to talk about it, get yourself to a counsellor rather than try and take it out on him. He may have caused the pain but you can make it easier on yourself if you don't add to your own by adding to his. You will love him again, albeit a slightly different man than the one you thought you were married to. And, remember, you may not think so now but you may be in tempted yourself some day. Don't use that as an excuse to take revenge.

Answer 3

Afraid you are going to have to put up with your bf being like this for a while. He is hurt and even though he still wants to be with you he is just letting you know how much you have hurt him. Give him time, just remember its going to be hard for him to trust you again for a while, but try not to get upset and angry at him if he doesn't trust you because you broke that trust its going to take a while to re-build it. Show him how much you love him and want to be with him and not any other guy. Why don't you surprise him and make some plans for your anniversary, take him out somewhere, make him feel special to you. Just make a special effort.

Answer 4

my x bf couldnt 4 get the past either i never cheared on him or anything but id told him some of the things i used 2 get up 2 wen i was a kid and he kept thinking i was suddenly gonna turn back into a stupid little girl again or something he was very paranoid maybe u should c if he would go to relationship counselling or something like relate good look x

Answer 5

dishonesty can ruin any relationship, he still loves you and probably cannot go on if u leave him. He is angry and hurt right now, give him support, show him that ur really guilty and will not do it again, shower him with love and affection , i think that will help the wounds to heal much quicker. bewith him, and do not let him feel that he is not a dumb idiot to have trusted you..

u got to be with him , if u love him , no matter what .

Answer 6

if he says that he forgives you but it still bothers him, then obviously he doesn't forgive you. everyone makes mistakes, but they do hurt others. i think he's gonna hold your mistake as ammo when at times you guys have fights or whatnot. if he continues to put your past in the picture, then your relationship will not move further into the future. he's still holding onto his pain and he's still suffering from it.

you'll have to try really hard to regain his trust back. and unfortunately, it's not going to be easy to regain it right away... it'll take a lot of time.

Answer 7

If he cant let go of the past then....let go of him!!! No need for you to pay for your wrongs long after it has happened & in the past. You cant change the past, you can only make the future better!!

Answer 8

maybe he is mirroring your disreguard for his feelings. You feel dumb ? He feels 100 times worse, maybe a 1000 times worse. He feels worthless, he questions your trust. You should probably move on.. Let someone cheat on you, then see how it feels.

Answer 9

it should be squashed it will take a while but if it persist for over 2yrs u might need to bounce!!! u have to WORK really hard to get through cheating.... but I'd put A LOT of money on it that he has cheated also...

Answer 10

Plenty of blowjobs will sort this little problem out. Anytime he mentions the past, suck him off.