My 7 year old is so disrespectful...?

Question

My husband and I show a great deal of respect towards each other and towards our son. He acts this way towards us and towards family and friends. I don't know where we went wrong. We treat him with a great deal of repect....Why does he do this? Any idea's would be helpful! Thanks...

Answer 1

A seven-year-old is mature enough for you to use a technique called problem solving. Briefly, you can sit down with him at a “non-crisis” time and talk about your concerns. It might be the risk taking, the talking back, the getting frustrated or the attitude. Any of these may be addressed with this process. Then listen to him share his perspective and his feelings. Use an effective listening technique. It might be that he feels capable of things that you are not comfortable with. When my boys climbed trees, they always went higher than I thought they should go! You can negotiate, respecting his need to be in charge of his body and the space it is in, and your need for keeping him safe. Together, you can come to an agreement.

The problem solving process is a mutually respectful activity. he hears you and you hear him. Then you can each suggest ideas for appropriate behavior. This is a time for you to really see your child’s perspective of himselff and his relationship with you. You may feel more comfortable with his daring behavior if he convinces you that he knows how high to go, or when to stop, or how to express his opinion kindly and appropriately. I have found that it is a good practice to select an idea that my child has shared. It empowers them to want to be successful.

Using the problem solving process will help to develop and improve your relationship with him as well. It is fun to have a snack when you are talking, and to record, either in writing, or with pictures, what you have negotiated. More information on this process can be found in Positive Discipline, by Jane Nelsen, which is available through in libraries, bookstores, or the website www.positivediscipline.com

Talking back seems to be every parent’s number “1” item on the list of worst behaviors. I have a different perspective. Most of the time, talking back is a child expressing his or her perspective or opinion. “But I don’t want to stop,” or “I don’t want to wear a coat,” are examples.

What I wanted most for my children was for them to grow up to be dynamic, responsible, self-sufficient adults, and to have integrity. Integrity requires honesty. As a young parent, when I thought they “needed” a jacket, but they were not cold and they tried to tell me, I got very upset with them and perceived it as disrespectful to me for them to talk back. At some point, I realized that they really were not cold. If they couldn’t even tell me that without getting in trouble, how could they grow up to be honest and to have integrity?
I was asking them to do something that was inconsistent with what they felt, and I wouldn’t even let them tell me about it! I realized then that more than I wanted compliance, I wanted them to be honest and to be in harmony with their own needs, so I needed to be willing to listen to them.

Now the problem was teaching them to disagree respectfully, because it still wasn’t appropriate for them to yell at me, nor I at them. As a parent, I needed to help them learn how to speak respectfully, even when they were disagreeing with me, or someone else.
Imagine how it would feel if you disagreed with a friend because you had a difference of opinion, or a different goal, and she told you, “Stop that now. I have decided what we are going to do and your opinion doesn’t count.” Perhaps you would feel humiliated and insignificant. How does a child feel when she is not able to express her thoughts and feelings?

Now, I have to be clear that expressing thoughts and feelings doesn’t guarantee getting your way. You can respectfully listen, validate his opinion and desires, and then either negotiate with her or follow through on your request.

Often what happens is that the “talking back” is escalated by the adult as we try to convince the child of our opinion or get him to act on our request or simply address the talking back instead of the original issue. Following through is another skill that will help you. Listen respectfully to your son, validating his feelings and thoughts. Make your decision and then follow through without arguing, engaging, blaming, or escalating the issue. You can read more about following through in Positive Discipline as well.

Spanking is a last resort, at age 7, I suggest grounding or taking awya of items. good luck, hope this helps a little.

Answer 2

Disrespectful 7 Year Old Boy

Answer 3

I don't spank my kids, and I won't recommend that you do.

Casting all the Politically Correct crap aside:

Kids need direction. They need to know boundries. They need to know that their parents demand respect.

My suggestion is to take all his "fun" stuff away. Let him earn it back by meeting goals (no cussing for a week means he gets his some things back).

More importantly, let him know everything that is expected of him, what will make him fail in meeting the goals, what you want the end result to be. Communicate with him.

And last, and MOST important, be consistant. Don't hesitate to punish or repremand him in public. You don't have to make a big scene, pull him aside and talk to him, if he can't comply, remove him from the situation.

This way, you are showing him that his behavior is unacceptable; that he will be rewarded in life if he is a good person and respectful; and that he will only earn respect if he can show you respect.

Answer 4

There are a few things,... *isn't being allowed to think in reality*

If you are showing them MORE RESPECT then ANYONE ELSE,.. then they may be confused. He is your Son, he should be the Prince,.. not the King. By now that might be confuseing. *pictures The Artist Formerly Known as Prince and Michael Jackson*

How long have they been in school? There are alot of things that happen then. Your hit by " OMG! My Parents are Idiots, they haven't taught me this stuff,.. do they really know this stuff?" (Sorry there is fighting here in reality I am probably haveing trouble with things and hard to follow or over blown). Some teachers are REALLY bad, and they seem to be getting worse,.. so your Son's teachers might be actting ways and saying things to make him Disrespectful of you. Then there are his Classmates,... his friends,.. and their families.

I'm sorry, I do not think I can cover more at this time and I probably won't edit more in later.

Answer 5

Maybe you treat him with too much respect. Your son is not your equal; he's your son. You need to show him love and, yes, respect, but you still need to be the authority figure. Start being a parent and stop being the "oh, my good little man, mommy loves you" pushover all the time...which is what I'm assuming you are from your question.

Answer 6

Just telling him he is disrespectful will make him despise whatever that respect word means. What's influencing his attitudes? What's going on at school? What's he absorbing on television? What is he doing on a regular basis at home that you can pay respect to him for? He might need fewer material rewards and more time with you just doing things together. Once he realizes you have more of that something he desires - maturity beneficial to everyday activities - he will naturally respect you again. He needs opportunities to learn and to teach at home. Teach him something simple like making wonderful mashed potatoes, let him develop into a little expert and then encourage him to teach the skill to his sisters.

Answer 7

You went wrong with the Environment you've got him surrounded with. A lot of your behavior is subliminal, he can pick up things about your underlying personality than you portray around him. You wouldn't expect what he can sense from the clean slate his brain is. It's not too late to change it.

Answer 8

you need to understand that he needs to earn respect, it is not just given. a small child doesn't have the mental capacity to understand these things, that is why it is our job to teach him. showing respect for others is setting a great example, but he should respect you first, then you can start giving him some.

Answer 9

it might his friends in school, his friends might be disrespectful and he's acting like them,take care the school has a big effect on the kids

Answer 10

Beat his a**.... and let me tell you it works. Being nice and respecting your child is not doing him any good and it will only get worse as he grows up. Stop this now before it is to late and we have another monster in our society running around with no morals.