How should I discipline my 5 year-old-son for fighting?

Question

My friend's five year old got into a fight at school today. He pushed another boy for telling him he couldn't play with another little girl. He got in trouble yesterday for punching another child in the stomach. I don't want to spank him and I think sending him to his room is a bad idea. Any other ideas for discipline?

I should clarify...my friend called me at work to ask what she should do whle she was on her way to pick her son up from school. I told her I wasn't sure as I don't have any kids and we decided to turn to Yahoo Answers for advice.

- Is his father in the picture? Yes his father is very active in his life.
2 - Does he have any older/younger siblings? He has one younger brother.
3 - Are there any other instances of this happening? No, other than this, the child is a very sweet and loving child. Sometimes overly kind!!!

Answer 1

spank the little one, i know i didnt like it (deserved it) when i was little but, lets say this i would of done alot worse things if i didnt think my dad would have beat the **** our of me for it. Sorry bout the language but some times a kid needs there *** beat

Answer 2

He needs to understand that fighting is wrong, and that it can hurt people. If she hasn't done already, make your friend sit him down and tell him exactly why he did something bad and why she is now angry with him.

Because he's so young, the punishment needs to really affect him to nip this in the bud, so one idea is the 'Naughty Step/Chair/Bench/etc', something you will presumably have heard about, either from watching Supernanny or simply in the news. In case you haven't, it basically involves the child being forced to retire to a chair and stay there for the equivalent of their age as minutes, so in this case, 5. He cannot move off it or do anything else during that time. When 5 minutes has elasped, your friend goes back and asks for an apology - if given, he may come off. You have to be persistent with this for it to work, even if that involves replacing him on his chair hundreds of times before he will stay there for the designated time. If he gets into trouble at school for fighting, he should be put on the chair the moment they get home.

Bringing up a child also needs positive reinforcement, so ask his teacher for a report of how he has been with other children. If he has played nicely, he can have a treat when he gets home, so that he will learn that the correct behaviour gets rewarded.

Hope this helps!

Answer 3

Of course after you have the "discussion" on why his behavior is bad, put him in a time out for 5 minutes. Then ask him if he knows why he was there and ask him to tell you. Talk to him about other ways of venting his frustration. If the child was hurt in any way (the one that was pushed or punched) then Mr. 5 year old should get something taken away or an outing cancelled. Something that shows him how serious his actions were.

Lastly, remember that children learn their behaviors from the people around them. See if anyone close to this child exhibits their frustrations in a physical nature and then do something about it. If that kind of behavior is happening in your own home by older children or by adults then you need to take further action and eliminate the situation. If his friends are doing it, then visitation with those friends needs to be limited or discontinued all together.

(Why would you be disciplining your friend's 5 year old?)

Answer 4

Just a few clarification questions:
1 - Is his father in the picture?
2 - Does he have any older/younger siblings?
3 - Are there any other instances of this happening?

I'll make a suggestion on what I know now:

-Make sure he knows right from wrong. Sit him down and speak with him one on one (obviously i am referencing this to his mom and not you). Have her find out what is going on.

-Sending him to his room works as a punishment, as long as it's added with something like no dinner or something like that. Making him stand in the corner for hours on end will probably break him. Have him stand in the most boring room, even to your friend, and don't let him take his nose out of the corner for anything but dinner, the bathroom and bed.

-While the corner idea works, my professional opinion is a good spanking, even if you don't want to do so. Most parents refrain from using this sort of punishment because they feel it's not right. On the contrary, it couldn't be more right than anything. I am not saying for your friend to bludgen her son, but just to make her point made. When he's little, which is now to about 8, she can use her hand or a makeshift paddle (wooden spoon, hairbrush, etc.). As he gets older and gets out of line, I would bust out the heavy artillery (not bombs, a belt or wooden paddle with holes drilled in to decrease wind resistance).

I hope I could be of help.

Answer 5

Talk with the child and ask him why he did it. Listen to what he tells you, and ask him if he thinks that's a good way to treat people when he feels angry. Explain to him that nobody likes getting hit and some day he might get hit, too. Tell him hitting is not the way to handle things. Make eye contact when you listen to him and when you speak to him. If he is some sort of bully or angry child, he may need counseling. Hopefully he just needs to be put in his place and shown that in this world, we all have to try getting along and hitting is the LAST way to handle things we don't like. I was raised that hitting is the last resort. My parents hit me if they tried other things first and it didn't work. I am not abusive of fu*ked up as a result, either. And yes, I do believe that some kids need a swat in the @ss some times, but you just have to know when. Talk to your friend about the child's behavior.

Answer 6

Boys Fighting At School

Answer 7

Since you said this is a new thing for him - first examine WHY he's doing it. Did something happen recently to upset him? (i.e. loss of a family member or pet, friend moving away, divorce, etc) Once that's been determined, you can work from there. (I'd suggest therapy to help him deal with the issue.)

If he's responding to being bullied (as in wanting to show the bully that he's tough too) then the bullying needs to be addressed - in which case, mom needs to go to the school.

If he's doing it "just because" - then loss of privledges - like playdates or tv time or video game or an event is in order.

Answer 8

well you or your friend whoever is the parent needs to talk to him and let him no that his behavior is not acceptable and ask him why did he do that? Then your friend needs to take action this depends on what kind of child he is on what type of action to take like take his video games away no playing outside with friends no tv maybe possibly a spanking but the punishment should be effective and it is important that the child understands why they are being put on punishment because if he does not understand it will not work and you or your friend needs to be consistant with him and patient

Answer 9

Just by what I'm reading it sounds like this child is generally spanked, which could be a huge issue. Violence leads to violence.

If I'm wrong, I'm sorry....Try teaching him empathy. Give him dolls (even G.I joes work) and have him act out his feeling with his mom. For example, mom makes "blue ranger" hit "red Ranger", how does red feel about this? What shoud red do? What should Blue do? What should blue's daddy (G.I. Joe) say to blue? Should blue be punished?

You might be amazed what the kids will tell you through this, what is bothering him(because clearly, something is!)



P.S. Last year, a little girl in NYC was beaten to death by her stepfather and when her mother was questioned she said "he was only trying to displine her." Abuse can not happen if you never hit.

Answer 10

I am a Teacher, and your friend should keep in mind of how she would feel if some kid punched Her Son in the stomach for no reason..I think he should sit in his room, with No TV, No Videogames, No books, No toys--nothing for the rest of the Day and Night..She should also TAKE AWAY HIS FAVORITE THING UNTIL FRIDAY--whether its Video game, whatever. She should NOT give it back until Friday if the Teacher says he is not hitting anyone. She must tell him, "you will get this back when your Teacher tells me that you are not hitting anyone anymore"--period. And dont budge!

Answer 11

You are on the right track not spanking...I could never figure out what that teaches kids. You hit them and say to them at the same time "don't hit".
I think the best way to ask them how they would feel if they were being hit in the stomach or pushed. After he decides that he wouldn't like that ask him why then, does he do it to others? Go from there.
Good luck!!!