My issue: My husband states that it is my job to keep the house clean and if I can't keep it clean (read: clean up after him), then I am doing too many other things. He states that he shouldn't have to do dishes because he doesn't cook or use them. It's my job to do his laundry and pick up after him. I work from home, have 2 school aged children, run a girl scout troop and am room parent and yearbook chair this year. In addition, take care of my mother's financial affairs and assist her when needed. We have been married nearly 18 years. He was raised with a maid and sitters. Growing up and being the oldest, I was the maid and sitter of 4 sisters and brothers. I would really appreciate some advice because I've had enough. This is the same old thing from him, different day.
2006-10-24 08:36:44 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It sounds to me like he doesn't want a wife just a maid.
And about him not doing the cooking or using them and its your job to do these things is bullshi* . My husband works too and I'm a stay at home mom but my husband helps cook, clean and take care of the kids. Tell him that if he wanted a maid maybe he should have stayed at his parents and that you have alot of stuff you take care of. You might not get paid for them but they are still jobs and you shouldn't have to clean the house by yourself.
If he can't stand up and be a man then from now on tell him that when its time to eat or wash his clothes or something he has to do it. Even though he has had things given to him hand and foot doesn't mean he can have them now.
Tell him how you feel and tell him he needs to help you cause you can't do it all by yourself. And if he doesn't then maybe he is just selfish and needs to be by himself.
I hope you get the answer your looking for even if it isn't mine. Men can be such as*es sometimes, even the good ones.
2006-10-24 08:48:48 · answer #1 · answered by Ashley F.M. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, children are expensive and bills aren't going to go away. The question is: DO you need the money? Are you guys getting by and doing okay right now? If he cut his hours back, would you be just barely making it? Or would it slowly become an issue? I understand where you're coming from. I am not a SAHM, but I understand the feeling. But you really have to ask yourself if his response is legit. Is money going to be tight is he cut back to 40 hours a week? Are you building up a savings with his money? My husband was laid off and I also work a lot of hours. It's just the way it goes because we need the money also. If I was just working to work and sneak away from my family - that's wrong. If I'm working extra because it's needed, required by my boss or because it's helping our family - nobody has any room to complain. I hope you guys figure it out because I'm sure it's an issue for the kids too (I presume). They probably miss their Daddy too. But maybe it is what it is right now. Ask if he can dedicate ONE night a week to the family and cut his hours for that day alone. Compromise....
2016-03-18 23:34:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a partnership. I don't believe that one person should carry the load of both spouses. That is unfair. He has two hands and they aren't broken, so I don't see why he can't help out around the house. Or at least pick up after himself. That is just pure laziness on his part. Although I am sure some of it has to do with how he was raised, but I would still not put up with that.
2006-10-24 09:43:29 · answer #3 · answered by totsandtwins04 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You work from home? Legitimate full time job? If that's true, then 1/2 the housework is his and 1/2 is yours. If you are a stay-at-home Mom then most but not all of the housework is yours.
He doesn't use the dishes huh? What does he eat his dinner off of? No plates or silverware or glasses for him then!
The real issue in your marriage isn't who does the housework. The issue is that he treats you like a maid and you're sick of it. I suggest marriage counseling. And, if I might be so bold, I suggest you grow a backbone and stand up for yourself.
2006-10-24 08:41:44 · answer #4 · answered by kja63 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you chose to put too many things on your plate and now your home and husband are paying the price for your choices.
You need to cut back on a few things so you have the time to maintain the house, put a meal on the table, and have family dinners. It's not his fault you decided to do the yearbook and room parent and girl scout troop AND manage your mom's business (you can easily hire someone pretty inexpensively to do her basic household bookkeping for her.)
I don't think your husband is asking too much of you. YOU'RE asking too much of yourself and can't manage. Cut back.
Of COURSE it's your job to cook, clean and wash the clothes! You're the wife and mother and housewife. Knock that chip off your shoulder.
2006-10-24 08:44:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a single Dad that works 40+ hours a week, Charmain of the scout troop, soccer Dad, that plays taxi driver, while cooking meals, helping with homework, and keeping the house clean.
You have all day to clean the house!
Must be nice
2006-10-24 08:43:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
he doesn't use the dishes huh? what kind of crap is that??? does he eat off of them? does he eat the food that you took the time to make?
but then again you have been married for 18 years....you husband will only see as "why are you complaining now? type of issue.
my husband won't do the dishes either. but then i can't stand him in the kitchen cleaning. but i am territorial. he leaves his clothes on the floor all the freaking time. however he did stop leaving the wet towels on the floor. when he is looking for a shirt, i tell him it is on the floor where he left it. he gives me a dirty look, but he can't really say anything. when he runs out of clean clothes, he washes them himself. yes, i cook and clean for him, but to a limit. if i am tired and exhuasted, i won't do it.
ask for a maid.
2006-10-24 08:47:46 · answer #7 · answered by Bella 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Suggest you two switch jobs for a day and he will appreciate all you do. then there is the alternative to not do anything for a week for him but just for your children. he will soon realize what a mess he really is and may at least not be quite such a slob. It worked for me. When my hubby had no clean socks or underwear he stopped leaving them on the floor.
2006-10-24 08:47:15 · answer #8 · answered by platinumhen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you've gotta stand up for yourself... ...my man tried that and i went out and got a job and our daughter is now in daycare and i tell him "now, we can split the house chores since im splitting the bills"... ...what can he say but, respect me.....otherwise, i understand if you enjoy being a stay home mom and if you married someone who has never accepted that as a real job then, you made your bed and unfortunately, you have to lay in it... ...good luck
2006-10-24 08:40:39 · answer #9 · answered by Carmen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure you keep all your money in a separate account and don't use it for bills, since it's his job to pay bills.
2006-10-24 08:51:22 · answer #10 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋