I had a c-section three months ago. I ended up having a healthy baby, but, I'm wondering if anyoneelse felt a bit cheated out of their big day? I was really looking forward to experiencing childbirth and I feel a bit like I haven't 'earned' my son the way other mothers do, or that I've somehow failed. Anyone ever felt like this? How did you deal with it?
2006-10-24 08:27:13 · 16 answers · asked by Annette T 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I had emergency c-section after his heart beat became erratic.
2006-10-24 10:13:00 · update #1
I had my identical twin daughters by emergency c-section due to pre-eclampsia. I didn't get to see them after the birth... not even a peep over the curtain that most mums get. I then had to spend a further 3 days on a high dependency unit. So all I had of my girls for the first 3 days was a photo. So I not only feel I missed out on a natural birth but also that first immediate bonding moment after delivery was lost too. I was explaining to my partner how I have always felt a bit cheated as I didn't get to do any of the "oh honey my waters have broken" kind of things. I would love to experience a regular labour. I know a lot of my friends who have had normal labours say believe me you don't want to go through with it, but I do! I know I'm blessed with my beautiful girls but who know one day I might get to experience it!
2006-10-24 09:19:26 · answer #1 · answered by Lovewilltearusapart 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My first pregnancy, I developed preeclampsia. I got put on bedrest at 34 weeks, and induced at 37. After 52 hours of labor, and 3 hours of pushing, my blood pressure was sky high, the baby was in distress, and I wasn't making any progress. They did an emergency C-section. When they got me in the OR and opened me up, they found that I have a skeletal abnormality, and her head was jammed up against one of the bones in my pelvis. It was being crushed. It took 2 sets of hands and a vacuum extractor to get her out. She was OK, except for a very bruised head, but I was a MESS.
And I felt kind of bummed about the whole experience. I'm a very active, fit person, with a high tolerance for pain. I come from a family of big families, and I was the first C-section. I hated bedrest before, and I hated the recovery after. And I think I also had a pretty good case of the baby blues after all that, and I did sort of feel like a failure. Especially since she was an undiagnosed acid reflux baby and she screamed 14 hours a day, every single day, until she was almost 4 months old...
I developed preeclampsia again in my second pregnancy. No bedrest this time, and because of a prior C-section they couldn't induce, either. They might have considered letting me go into labor on my own, depending on my BP and the baby's distress level, but my OB said that I'd never get a baby's head past that bone, and it was better for everyone to just schedule the surgery. And soon. So I had a second C-section at 38 weeks.
That time didn't feel so much like failure. I mean, I still think I'd like to get through a natural childbirth, just to see how I'd do, but the truth is I had a longer labor already than most people have with two or three kids, and I did OK!
Plus, I get to be a mama twice over under circumstances that could have killed me or them, so I'm just grateful.
You get over it. :)
2006-10-24 08:43:14 · answer #2 · answered by Yarro Pilz 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't earn your son through natural childbirth. Your son came into this world the way he was supposed to. Alive and well. C-sections are on this earth for a reason. Some women have serious complications during birth with the baby or themselves and have to have a C-section not by choice. You didn't fail. You have a healthy boy. Just be proud that you made it through. C-sections are "Giving Birth." And no one looks at you different because of it. I had a C- section and a natural childbirth. I am happy to have my babies and don't feel cheated the way they came into this world. You are a mother now. Congradulations, you are courageous and strong!
2006-10-24 09:10:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had two c-sections and yes you did "earn" your son. Is your son healthy/happy. Isn't that the goal of being pregnant - to ultimately deliver them into a world where they will be loved and cared for?
I'm more concerned that you have some PPD and you really need to get some support either from your Dr. or a support group of other mothers. It's one thing to be disappointed that you were unable to deliver your child vaginally (the way most people do). It's quite another to say you don't deserve your child because he came out through your stomach rather than your vagina.
Also, who's to say that you won't have a VBAC birth with your next child, should you choose to have one. Lastly, there was a recent article in the Hartford Courant which stated that more and more mothers are requesting c-sections rather than go through the pain and discomfort of "natural" childbirth - All in all, I don't think there's a right way or a wrong way to have a child, as long as you love it, care for it and nuture him once he's here.
Good Luck.
2006-10-24 08:46:13 · answer #4 · answered by Allison S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel. That is one thing I truly hated about my first C-section(unplanned as well). I missed out on those first few moments of holding my son. My husband was the first to hold him, which was/is fine, but I still felt a little jipped as you did/do. I think you're totally justified in your feelings and wants. Try speaking with your mother in person and if you still feel as if she'll disregard your requests then bring it up with the nursing staff once you get to the hospital. Yes she's family but that doesn't mean she can trample all over your wishes. I'm having a planned section in September myself and while I don't mind my mom holding the baby before I do I can understand why someone would.
2016-05-22 08:30:07 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just have to say congrats on making it through a c-section. I have two children both 6 and 2. My first was vaginally and my second was c-section. C-section was TOUGH. I tried to have her vaginally, but we ran into complications. So I was emergency c-section. The umbilical cord had wrapped around her neck. Luckilly I had a good doctor that acted quicky and there were no problems with my child (beautiful and healthy).
The miracle of having a baby is not 'how" you had the baby, but the actual time you carry your child inside of you. Knowing your body provided a "safe housing" for the baby to grow from an egg to a human being is the True Miracle. So don't beat yourself down about this. The only reason you should feel cheated is because of your recovery. Vaginal birth is much easier for your body to recover from. C-section ,at least for myself, was a much more painful healing process. My girls were both beautiful and healthy when they were born regardless of "how" I gave birth. So if your child is a beautiful and healthy baby......Give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done. You gave the baby the miracle of life!
2006-10-24 08:45:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Geeze, I never wanted to have my kids naturally! I mean really, who needs that pain and agony?
I didn't just have the C-section for no reason, I have a blood and clotting disorder and my hematologist recommended a c-section to control any bleeding. I don't feel like I missed out on anything, in fact, c-sections are much harder on a woman. So, when I was up and about faster and without as much pain as the woman in the room next to me who gave birth naturally, I felt like WONDERWOMAN! In the end, we are all mothers, no matter how our bundles of joy get here. Think of the women who cannot have children at all that adopt. Are they any less of a mother because they didn't carry the child 9 months? No, of course not.
2006-10-27 14:52:03 · answer #7 · answered by Stacy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally feel cheated. After SROM at 42 weeks, I withstood fake, highest dose pitocin contractions for 12 hours with no progress, then they shut it off and labor stopped. I can't stop thinking about what I could've done differently and can't come up with anything. We tried everything (natural and unnatural) and he was just going to stay in there!
Talking to other moms that have had c-sections helps. There is a group called I-Can which is a cesarean awareness network that will be a big help if ever another babe comes along.
2006-10-24 09:26:13 · answer #8 · answered by Terrible Threes 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I had my daughter via c-section 13 months ago, and I know it was best for her, it kept her safe and out of distress.....what else is even important during child birth? I am nearly 3 months pregnant again, and with the risks of attempting a VBAC being too high so close to a previous c-section, I am having another one. My #1 priority is to deliver a safe baby, I don't care how that is accomplished as long as my baby is safe!
2006-10-24 08:33:25 · answer #9 · answered by angie_laffin927 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have had two c-sections. I don't feel cheated. in a way i thank God that i had my first one through c-section he would have died if i did not. However i can see where you would feel cheated. BUt you more then earned your baby. You had to indore more pain then other women who give birth the natural way. there is a reason they keep c-section mothers in the hospital longer. Just thank God for your healthy baby and don't feel bad. he is your you gave birth to him you made him inside you. YOu are a mother.
2006-10-24 08:31:41 · answer #10 · answered by littleluvkitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋