My fiance has had 4 jobs in the last year.?

Question

I am a single mother of 3. I do not get any child support from my ex. I have been dating this guy for over a year now and he has asked me to marry him.. I said YES because I love him with all of my heart. He has 2 kids of his own which I have helped support. In the last year that we have been together he cant seem to hold down a job.. He has an education and all but cant hold one down. I Have helped support him thru each job loss because my mother passed away and left me with a little bit of money.. Well the money is gone, his daughter is living with us in MY house I might add and I am so frustrated with him.. He is looking everyday for a job and I know he is capable of finding one but damn... I feel like ever since we met I have been supporting him and I hate it... I have 3 kids of my own that I have to support. I have a full time job and I am trying to get thru the grief of losing my mother and brother in one year and I want someone to support me for a change.. Am i wrong?

Answer 1

No, you're not wrong. Even though you guys aren't spouses yet, spouses are supposed to support each other, not just one spouse support the other (physically and emotionally). It sounds like he's going through a really hard time this past year. What are the reasons he loses these jobs? Fired? Laid off? If he can't keep a job because of something HE'S doing wrong, then that says something about his character. But if he loses these jobs through no fault of his own, then you just gotta stick through this with him. Through thick and thin...right? You should definately go after you ex for child support.

J

Answer 2

Can you say LOSER? I knew you could.

Drop this bum. He has kids and cannot hold down a job to support them, what makes you think he will ever help you. You are playing Mommy to his bad boy and baby, someday he will find a better meal ticket and leave you in the dust.

Ask yourself why he has held 4 jobs in a year? Let me guess, too hard, too long working hours, boss is a jerk, co-workers are a*holes, isn't making enough money, everything except he just doesn't want to work.

And you are the one enabling that my dear. Get rid of him quickly. He won't want to go, he'll use his kid as guilt. But do yourself a favor, either find a new place for yourself. Or go rent him a month to month, in his name, and move his stuff out yourself.

You wouldn't be here asking us if you believed his b.s. Run as far and as fast as you can. I wasted 4 years of my life on a loser like that, I stayed for a long time because his son lived with us,and yes, I was paying the bills too.

You sound hard-working and responsible, don't allow him to show your kids the wrong path in life. Good luck.

Answer 3

You are not wrong and perhaps this is not the guy who can be the support you need. You made one statement which l find very telling. "I feel like ever since we met I have been supporting him and I hate it.." Love him or not, you resent supporting him and if you resent supporting him and he has burned through the money your mother left you and you are grieving the losses in your life, perhaps this is not the right guy at this time, but I think you already know that. If you need to ask if you are wrong, then I think you need to consider where the relationship is going and what it may be like in 1, 3, and 5 years.

Answer 4

First, let me say that I have been in your place and know how difficult the decision you have ahead of you is.

But here are a few things to think about...

Marriage is a serious commitment that should not be taken lightly. Once you are married all assets acquired become marital assets whether he helped you acquire them or not. So if your serious of marrying this guy you might want a prenuptial agreement (think K-Fed).

Also, this man has become a part of your children's life. He is the man that your children have forged a bond with. But is he the type of man your children should look up to? Your children deserve to form a bond with a man that will be a good role model for them and help provide for them.

Finally, what is his relationship like with his baby's mothers? Is he helping to support his children? Is taking an active role in their lives? Why are you having to help support his children?

I know that you love him, but in the long run some things (or in this case people) are best loved and lost.

Answer 5

The bottom line is this, if he cant hold a job down and you are supporting him and his kids, how do you think life will be if you get married? You may love him but he sounds very irresponsible and a freeloader. I may be out of line saying this but he should be the one taking care of his daughter not you. I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom and Brother, how sad. But....the thing is, you are enabling your boyfriend and he is taking advantage of you which really stinks. Get back on your feet, let your boyfriend move out, and join a support group to help you cope with your grief. You can do this. I wish you the very best of luck. Take care of you

Answer 6

NO, you aren't wrong you're stupid! You had some money and you wasted on this bum! Open your eyes babe, you are being used! You are putting this bum in front of your own children! So you are going to marry this bum and stay this way the rest of your life??? What have you done that you feel you deserve this? Wasn't one bad marriage enough for you???

You need to start all over...get a new guy who will support you and your children, not take from you!! You also need to get the childsupport you and those kids deserve!! Why should you let life be so hard on you???

Answer 7

well, i know that you are frustrated and you are saying you want to supported, but you mean that you are not happy being taken advantage of.

i suggest you tell your boyfriend that the free ride is over. he has a certain time frame (maybe 2 weeks to get a job) or him and his daughter are out.

They need to contribute to the household which they belong to.

I'm sorry to hear that your money is gone, but you have to take a stand or if will just get worse and he will continue to drain you dry.

I know that you think it will be hard, and it may, to go it alone, but honestly you and your children deserve better. At first you will be sad, but oiu will get stronger every day and your children will be better off for it. After all they too, are paying a price since you have to stretch your budget to cover extra people - they do with less too.

Besides, think of the message you are showing your children - to treat you like a doormat. You wouldn't want that for them, so teahc them it is not acceptable.

good luck to you

Answer 8

my sister was warned by her fiances pastor on what type of person he is and he told her that her fiance could not hold a job. and 2 yrs. later (married) he has yet to find one! he has had 6 different jobs and still likes to go out to eat and buy new clothes! with her money!....she also has a child from an ex who is a dead beat dad and wont pay child support! ( he is now locked up for that) It is the beginning of a cycle, and..... you are better off having the reassurance that you will be the sole provider for your family.

Answer 9

you must be young cause this is a no brain-er as long as you continue to support this guy he will let you. Its time for some tough love if he wants you make it a condition he get a job, keep a job, and help carry his own weight. Why should you help support his kids when you have 3 of your own who have needs.

Answer 10

Ouch...stop the madness! You are supporting him and you have your own 3 children?? Worse, you are using the money that your mom left you?? That money should be used on you and her grandchildren, not some other man and his children!

Get out of the relationship while you still have a roof over your head and some money in the bank. Think of your children!

A real man would never rely on a woman to support him.