Why do people over react?!?

Question

My mother in law keeps thinking she is sick, or something is wrong with her. She started eating like crazy last fall, the Jan 1 she quit somking. Shes like 44. She went to the doc and got a good bill of health. Now she thinks she gained the weight because something is wrong with her. She says it's becasue she's getting old, then she thinks her nerves are the cause so she goes on nerve pills. (I am the one that feels like I need to be on nerve pills because of her!)She is always looking on the internet for things to give her a good excuss about why she ate so much and gained the wieght...... ya know, 1+1=2, why can't she seem to put 2 and 2 together?

Answer 1

I really don’t think that your mother in law actually realizes the sort of reaction she is sending to the people around here, and/or the reactions that she may be sending to the people once they leave the room, she really doesn’t think about it. So, perhaps she never wonders how people really feel about her, what they say when she’s not around? Not that should determine who she is or what she does, but I am saying that I think we all should sometimes think about how others see us and how we're looked at through other people's eyes and it doesn’t sound as though your mother in law conforms to that way of thinking.

Sure we all make a statement in this world. Some of it is the words that we choose, some of it is reflected just by who we are, how we behave, how we engage other people.

It’s a shame that your mother in law doesn’t even have the time to ask herself, “What kind of statement am I making?” and own it. After all, if you choose it, if you project it, you have to be willing to say, “Okay, I'll take the consequences.” And, consequences in your situation maybe your mother in law having to deal with you blowing up in her face or you smacking her around a few times telling her to snap the fuc-k out of it because it came to that breaking point.

paaatches --Tell her how you feel. Nice and calmly of course. Tell her, look can you tone it down a little because I am going mental here and I don’t look good in a straight jacket. No, I don’t! So, can you tone it down, just a little, please? Ummm, because you’re nervy and that causes me to become nervy and how am I going to help you feel better if we are both nervy together?

Answer 2

It sounds like your mother in law has a "fear" problem. If she is receptive to the idea and likes talking about her problems, perhaps you could help her to find the root of her fears. Living a life of generalized fear is crippling. I've been there. But fear can be overcome and if she can figure out what she's really afraid of, maybe all this paranoia about her health would cease. Be the bigger person and try to help her through this. Even though she drives you crazy, remember the fact that you wouldn't have the husband you've got if she hadn't given birth to him. Try to have compassion (it'll be hard, I know) and listen to her. I mean *really* listen. I think if you put the work into it and try to help her realize and cope with her real fears, it'll be worthwhile and rewarding for the both of you. You are a strong person. She is weak right now. Use your strength to guide her into the reality of her situation. When she does realize the truth, use your strength to help her overcome her fears. It will be a major pain in the rear for you, and you will have some frustrating and angry moments if you do this. But the rewards for helping her far outweigh any discomfort you may have to endure for now. I mean, you are already feeling like s%it because of her fears. Why not help yourself out by helping her overcome this. Then neither you nor her will have to deal with all the drama and anger because of it. It's a win-win situation if you have compassion on her and lend her your strength.

Peace.

Answer 3

Well - you have to just kind of roll with the punches... she doesn't mean to bring you into her world - she just needs someone to listen to. She is most likely peri-menopausal and the rule is that if you don't cut down 1/3 what you normally eat, you will put on weight.... so since she even went through a stage of big-time eating - it's a double whammy.

It's easier for some people to blame weight gain on an illness than it is to take responsibility for what goes in their mouth... plus she quit smoking - so she's going through a lot. Maybe instead of 'nerve' pills, you might suggest Valarium (an herb that relaxes you) and maybe some vitamins for perimenopausal women. Also, Soy and black cohosh (herbs) wouldn't hurt either.

Answer 4

I gained 35 pounds when i quit smoking, and im pretty sure I was legally insane for the first 12 months.

Answer 5

I have a step-mother that is the same way, except the reason why she "thinks" she's sick is because she's taking pills that she doesn't need to take.

Answer 6

sounds like mid-life crisis...menapause....she also feels like crap for gaining weight, and looking for something other than herself to blame it on - also sound like she may be a hyprocondriact, its mental illness more than physical illness, keep supporting her (even if you have to take her pills yourself) Some people cant put 2& 2 together , lucky for you - you can...keep doing what your doing...her quitting smoking may also be leading to her weight gain, try to get her to walk around your neighborhood in the mornings...lose weight and exercise..she'll feel better unless she is determined not to...

Answer 7

Some people just need all the attention on them. Its almost like self inflicted Munchausen. More like a hypochondriac.

Answer 8

Sounds like she is very self absorbed. Hey, I'll trade ya, my mother in law is mean.

Answer 9

your mother in law is a drama queen looking for pity and attention and running you nuts at the same time ignore her dont let her make you sick its not worth it

Answer 10

people over react because they dont want anything to happen to them and when something is happenning they have to make it bigger than what the whole thing is