How do you cope with a sudden terrible loss?

Question

I am devastated. My mum's cat got run over and killed by a car this morning while my mum was in hospital having minor surgery. She came back to find her cat lying dead in her parking space and a mark in the road where he had crawled to wait for her. He was officially my cat to start with until I moved away, so he's close to my heart and he was 12 years old so he's been part of the family for a long time. How do I move on from this? I cant stop crying thinking of him being knocked down, and the fact the person who killed him didn't even care enough to bother with him. My mum said he was fine when she left for the hospital this morning. It's happened so quick, and I feel heartbroken.

Catlover- I think that is a really thoughless and uncaring post to leave when someone is clearly really distressed and grieving. How dare you say I should never own another cat? What makes you think you have the right to pass judgement when you know nothing about me or my situaion? My mum has cared for the cat for 12 years and for your information she lives in a woodland area, not by a main road, and the only part exposed to road was a small parking area. Her cat loved playing in the wood and would've been miserable being shut indoors all her life. My mum wouldnt dream of keeping a cat had she lived near a main road. Yes the cat got run over but this was a fluke even in 12 years and how can that warrent leaving a cat inside all that time, with no outside life? Its like saying you'd keep a child inside all its life in case it had an accident! I think you need to curb your tongue if you cant say anything nice to someone who is upset.

Thanks everyone else for your sympathy.

Answer 1

So sorry for your loss. I have had cats all my life and each one brought me tremendous joy. But, death is part of life, and even though it sucks and it hurts, it happens. Right now it feels like your life is over and empty, but it won't always feel that way. I had to put my last cat to sleep after he became very ill. That was the hardest decision I have ever had to make, but it was necessary. I swore I would never have another cat, because I could not bear another loss like that. But, guess what? A few months later I found two incredible kittens that I had to have. I did not get them to "replace" my other cat. I just wanted another cat companion, and ended up with two. They are awesome and we have been together for 9 years now. Am I going to die inside when one, or both, die??? Absolutely...but thats just how it goes. I would rather have one day of joy with these guys, then spend the rest of my life without a cat. Adopt another cat if and when you are ready. There are tons of strays in need of a good home.

Don't listen to idiots who claim to be "cat lovers" tell you what a bad pet owner you are. Your cat's death was an accident. Don't waste your time blaming the person who hit your cat either. They probably felt horrible, but didn't know how to handle the situation.

Answer 2

Don't waste your time or energy on some-one who tells you a Cat should be kept in! A true CATLOVER knows the nature of the animal and LOVES it for that very nature! Most Cats HATE being indoors.It is an unnatural life for them and as long as you live in an area without a lot of traffic or other cats there is no reason they should be! It was an unfortunate accident which with SO MANY cars around is all too frequent!
The only thing I can tell you is.... You will get through this and soon be able to remember the cat without getting upset but if you feel like crying then cry! I'd be doing it at this early time!
An animal is a part of the family and if you were not grieving I'd think it VERY strange.Talk to your Mum about it as she will also be feeling it and someone to share your feelings with is the best MEDICINE in the world!
Any animals death is traumatic whatever age even when you know its going to happen! Unfortunately its a part of life and we all have to learn to accept that. Other animal lovers will sympathise with you, and if they have lost a pet will know how you feel as I do. Whatever emotion you feel try to find a way to release it.
I promise you it does get Better!!
Good Luck and 'virtual hugs to you and your Mum'

Answer 3

I know it's hard. My Morris was about to turn 12 when I lost him to cancer. He was the best thing I ever had in my life. He was there for me through so much. The vet we were taking him to was so incompetent, she couldn't see that there was obviously something more than ear mites going on in there. I was so heartbroken. Morris was my best friend. He too was an indoor-outdoor cat, we live on a dead end street with very little traffic. Accidents happen and it was not your fault, you should never blame yourself.
In due time, get her another. Morris died in February and I swore up and down NO MORE CATS!!!! But just a couple of weeks ago I found a 4 month old kitten in the garage that looked like Morris as a baby. I took him in, named him Cheeto and I was hooked. Turns out that Cheeto had been savagely attacked while outside and I'm not a holy roller or anything, as a matter of fact I rarely attend Church, but I believe God brought him to me because he needed someone as well as I needed another pet in my life. You will know when it's time. And don't worry about what "catlover" has to say about this because any veteranarian I have spoken to says it's healthy for a cat to get outdoors once in a while. You did nothing wrong.

Sorry for your loss and good luck.

Answer 4

omg sweetie, I'm so sorry. Reading your story really made my heart hurt! I can understand your pain because I have a cat and I love him so much. I would feel just as horrible as you in that situation. You know what though, you have to know that there really wasn't anything you could do. If anything, you helped your cat by easing her pain. Thankfully euthenasia is really peaceful and painless. Your cat probably only felt sleepy. I'm sure your cat loved you so much so don't feel guilty or think about the things that you didn't do. Focus on the things you did do and remember all the good moments you spent with your kitty cat. I will give my cat a scratch under the chin for you. My prayers go out to you. xoxo

Answer 5

Hello! Just reading what happen to your feline, has made me feel dearly very sad. There are special programs if you ask your vet. But if this gives you a little comfort... If you have a picture of him, you could put next to your night table and at night think of him as he went to sleep and is peaceful just like when he was in home, remember always how good he was. Like memories that would make you smile of all the funny thinks he use to do. Darling is very hard to forget about a pet because we tent to love them so much and see them as family or little babies even if they are adults.(Please don't take me wrong...I have two feline boys and I am so close to my babies that any time they are sad, It brakes my heart and I comfort them so much.) I really feel the way you are sad and I wish I could be of help. Time after time you will feel better and you know he was always there and he will always be so, now you have a little angel watching over you and mom. Always have a picture of him with you and you will feel his company even if he is gone you still have his memories that will always keep him alive. My blessings and God give you's lots of comfort.

Answer 6

oh my, i am so sorry for your loss. i shed a tear for you and your mum. what a tragedy. i say go get a kitten. as you know you can never replace a loved one but you can help the healing process and get your mind off of it. it's been a while since you have had a kitten around and it can bring some joy back in your lives. rescue one at a shelter or at petsmart. you won't regret it. the way they play around, chase their tail, shadows, flies, feathers, string etc. it will have you laughing and ease the pain in your hearts. cheer up. i have lost many animals in my life due to old age, cancer, surgery etc. and you think the pain will never stop and you'll never get over it but you will. you just have to make up your mind to always remember the good times with him in the wonderful 12 years you were friends.
go get a cute little kitty, one that doesn't look like the last one and love it with all your heart and think of it as giving a kitty a great home. keep it inside at all times. cats do like the outdoors but it is not safe for them as you sadly had to witness. put a bird feeder by a window he can look out of and that will entertain him for hours. never let the kitty out so it doesn't know what it is missing and you will never have to go Through this again. best of luck finding your new friend. let us know how it goes.
let the pain fade away.

Answer 7

Unfortunately There is no quick way to get over the death of a pet, especially if the death was sudden and again if it was not of natural causes. After all most of us that have pets think of them as family members, so react the same way as we would if a person was to die.
My dog died at the vets in an opetation to be spade when i was about 8, i am now 21 and im only starting to "get over it".
Pets have special bonds with us, as you can see when you said her came back to wait for your mum.
Grief is a natural process, dont bottle it up its there for a reason.
Just think any pain he was in has stopped and he wont remember it, and im sure he is up there, keeping his eyes on you!

Answer 8

*So sorry! It is always heartbreaking when one loses a pet, especially a soft, warm, fluffy cat and especially one who has been a family member for a long while.

The only true healer is time. YOu have to let yourself grieve, let the tears flow, let the pain out. Nothing can return this friend to you but after your grief lessens you will cherish all your memories.

If you bury him in your garden you can make a special little rock garden or herb garden that will flower for you every year and make him seem close.

We also lost a cat this way, though with far more gruesome consequences. Please consider the possibility that the driver did not see your cat; it happens more frequently than one thinks.

Answer 9

first of all i am very sorry to hear about your beloved cat. i'm really sorry that you are in pain right now. the only way to heal this type of hurting is to be patient. it won't happen overnight but after some time, you won't cry anymore when you think of him, you'll just think of the happy times you had with him.

secondly catloverme 123 should never be allowed to voice her mean, insensitive, nasty opinions here again. i know everyone is entitled to their own opinions but my god, she doesn't have to be so thoughtless. one day she'll look to someone for sympathy and possibly a shoulder to cry on and i honestly hope she finds it because if not she will feel alone and awful.

Answer 10

I'm so sorry to hear that, it is traumatic to see a pet lying dead outside. He was obviously well loved and now you have to grieve, there's no escaping that I'm afraid, and feeling guilty just makes it worse, all the what if's, but dont be hard on yourself. I wish you healing. You wouldnt be so upset if you didnt care.

Catlover, I'd hate to be a cat in your house, imprisoned all my life. What a callous answer to give to someone who's just lost a pet.