What is wrong with me?

Question

Sometimes when Im alone and Im thinking about my life and others' I mourn the fact that I have chosen 'this' life. Asking myself if this is what I really wanted.

You see I am a single mom of a 7 mo old & I have a great job that provides very well for the two of us. I am able to have my own apartment, car, life... I mean, Im making it pretty well. And in rare moments, I pat myself on the back. Im a great mom and it feels good.

But then again, there are those times when I get sad b/c I could have done ANYTHING. I could be living ANYWHERE. Instead, I live in a small town & am not currently working my dream job. I could have gone to culinary school... I could be in college right now... I could be going out every nite and meeting new ppl. Instead I go from work to pick up my son... take him home, bathe him, feed him, play... & rock him to sleep. & that is all worth it. I love it.

But then I get upset again b/c of the "what ifs". However, his smile or giggle melts me.

IM LOST

Answer 1

I think that what you describe is common for all of us. Try to remind yourself that all of your "yesterdays" are history. You can't change any of it. But what you do today is history in the making. You are a mother and you have the responsibility and privilege to raise up a decent human being. That is an extremely important job/career. All any of us can do is the best that we can with what we have. You have a son, a blessed gift from God. Think about your son and how wonderful he is. Then think about the fact that God chose YOU to be his mother. I'll bet Mary, the mother of Jesus, had other plans for her life before she found out what her true purpose was. But just think what might have happened if she didn't cherish the gift God gave her. Mary's plans were changed by God............... and the world was changed forever! Raise your son up in love and put his needs first. You will not go unrewarded for your sacrifice. Try changing your focus from what things might have been to what things could be. Who knows? Your son may change the world, too. But you don't have to give up all your dreams. You can still work towards the things that you want to do in your life. It just may take a little more time than you had originally planned. Try to be patient and don't ever give up. God bless you. Peace.

Answer 2

It's normal to sometimes wonder how our life might be like today if we had chosen a different path, if we had done something differently. We often wish we could go back in the past and change things. But it sounds like you're a great mom and you have a wonderful son. It's okay to wish for things you don't have, but you also have to be grateful for the things you DO have. It's also not too late to make your dreams come true just because you're a parent. You can still pursue your education and get the career you wanted. A lot of people raise children and have successful professional lives.

You also don't need to stay home all the time. You can get a babysitter and take some time for yourself one night a week to relax and go out with friends.

Answer 3

The grass is not always greener on the other side. I was sick of living in a small town, sick of the colleges around here--sick on my life..so I moved to Kansas City MO. started a new school, living in a big town ,etc. I was homesick and then I was more depressed living away from family and friends. I moved back "home:. we all say :IF this or if that: but there's no assurance that if you were living in a big town, going to college and all the other things you want to do would make you happy.

It's never too late to go to college (even part time at night) or online programs. Just remember that the most important thing is the time spent with you son...if you were in college could you do that, if you lived in a big city or went out everynight, could you spend as much time with hm. He is young. He will be grown before you even blink your eyes per say. Enjoy the now...worry about the rest later.

Answer 4

A lot of people feel this way. Not just people with kids. My aunt decided in her early 20's that she didn't want children. She is now in her 40's and would really love to turn back time. The what if's get her down too. If you have the will and the want to, you can go to culinary school. One of my best friends put herself through college with 2 children. She drove an hour to where her college was and an hour back. Every day. After 4 years of hard work she now works in Tulsa as a labor and delivery nurse. You can do it too. Don't let your son be an excuse for you not to live your dreams.

Answer 5

I don't know a soul that hasn't felt that too. Welcome to the human race! lol
I raised my son entirely alone - worked, earned a degree...we had a great house, home, life, etc....I didn't have my "dream" job when he was a baby - I had a job to make me a living for me and him - but really?...he was my main job back then - I wouldn't have wanted a career that would take me away from him any longer than I needed to be...so it was the way it should be...as he got older I started to take classes in the evenings and on weekends when he was with his father or grandparents...and it took awhile but by the time he was in high school and on his way to college and needing me much less - I was on my way to a new career. Now I have a dream job - my son is a great success as well..and although I felt like you from time to time when I was young...the bottom line is it was the best way for it to be...and I loved those days with him when he was small...they were the best of days - and I would not change a single thing.
Good for you!!!! and don't worry about how you are feeling - it's natural hon - and someday you'll look back and know as I do - that just where you questioned yourself most - you were doing it all right after all. : -)

Answer 6

I sound a little depressed which is normal, we all get down sometimes. But you have to stop asking yourself...but if what if I did this, and what if I did that. If you did makes those choices then you wouldnt be where you are now. You could be worse. You could of been shot, or gotten in an accident, or robbed, or be with a terrible man. You are still young, you can still go to cooking school and move to other places. You have to stop looking in the past and be happy with what you have now. You can still do those other things in the future. Try to be more positive, it sounds like you have a really great life, be happy with it. :)

Answer 7

There is NOTHING wrong with you.

You are 100% human...we all have regrets even though things are going good for us. That is of our nature....the pasture always looks greener on the other side.

If you did all the things you think you wanted to do, then you would have other regrets pop up.

You are fine, I wish you the best of luck...there could be a touch of post-partum depression figuring into this, but I don't think so. If you get overwhelmed with these regrets, seek professional help. It is temporary, I promise. I went through the same thing.

Keep you chin up, you will be OK and you are 100% normal.

Answer 8

There is nothing wrong with you. You are a human being with emotions. It is completely normal to experience this! We all get in that mode of the "what ifs" and wonder and ponder on the possibilities. The thing is what's done is done! As you said, you are fortunate in comparison to so many other mother's! Just keep doing what you are doing and stay focused on the possibilities that the future holds for you and your child!

Answer 9

Sounds like you are depressed. This could be post-partum depression, or just plain old depression. It is hard to find fulfillment in your current life if you are always looking at the road not taken. You made the decisions you made, to some extent, if you are not happy, you can change what it is you are doing. In any case, you should talk to a psychiatrist to see if it is not depression or just dissatisfaction.

Answer 10

Stop thinking about the what ifs and do something. Go back to school, I did and I feel great. Maybe you are feeling alittle depressed and maybe you should talk to your doctor. I know that I did and the Zoloft really helps!