Trouble with the In-Laws??

Question

Okay seriously I am going to scream!!! or kill them..lol. My mother in-law is the worst. She is always telling me what she is going to do when the baby gets here and when she is going to take it and so forth. Im like Umm no I dont think so that will be up to me and my husband. She has even went as far as saying she is going to make up a calander of what times she wants the baby! and that she will be the first to hold him, even befor me and Josh! Not happening! I have talked to my husband about his and He personally has talked to them cause he feels they are taking it to far as well and that didnt even stop it. I told her that the baby can visit and she can visit but for the first couple of months the baby wont be sleeping over at either set of grandparents house, simply because its my New baby and I want to spend time with him. Plus they are really old about 70 and Im afraid they wont wake up if the baby is crying or needs something. Am I wrong to say that they are pushing it?

also I am 39 weeks along and I dont think I can deal with their crap because I am feeling miserable enough. Should I let his mom be in the delivery room, because she wants to be.

Answer 1

She should be in the delivery room if YOU WANT HER TO BE THERE. If you don't, be sure to inform the hospital staff, nurses, and your doctor, it is part of their job to keep unauthorized people out.

I understand she's excited. But, she had her babies...she needs to let you have yours. It is NOT the grandmother's privelege to be the first to hold the baby! As far as scheduling visits, she can schedule all she wants, but the baby's not gonna go anywhere unless you release him. What's she gonna do, kidnap him? (If this is something she would do, she has bigger issues than just being an overeager grandparent.) It doesn't matter if she thinks you're being unreasonable or not (and I don't think you are). You are the baby's mother, you and your husband have the final word. Period. She can either deal with it or not, but that doesn't change the fact that she will take care of the baby on YOUR terms, not hers.

Answer 2

Wow I feel like you are me almost 7 years ago. My mother-in-law was the same EXACT way. NO! Don't let her in the delivery room. My mother-in-law was really mad that I didn't want her in my delivery room, but geez...it was something private between my husband and I (oh, yeah and the doctors and nurses). Just try and let it go. Things will change when the baby does come. When she makes up a calendar...throw it away. When she comes over to take the baby tell her you have something planned.

Although, you really will want the help, so don't shut her out too much. Honestly, she really does mean well. She probably doesn't even realize that she's being a big pain in the butt.

Just think about that baby and take your mind off of your mother-in-law. Things will get better.

Answer 3

Do NOT let his mom in the delivery room. It should just be you and your husband. It sounds like she is taking this way too far. I know it will be hard but you've got to put your foot down. Your baby should stay at your house for the first couple of months, especially over night. You are not overreacting AT all. She should respect you and the decisions that you have made. But also ensure her that she will get to spend a great deal of time with her new grandchild but you (or your husband) should be the first to hold the baby, not her. If she is insisting about the calendar, schedule one night per week (or every other week) that the baby can be with them for the evening, just not overnight. Be firm because this is your child but be gentle because she probably thinks she is just trying to help. :-) Plus, you never know when you will need a babysitter!!!

Answer 4

Well, she obviously doesn't live with you, so you don't need to tell her that you are going into hospital when your labour gets to that point...then she won't be in the delivery room. If she calls your house whilst you are in hospital, do you have an answer machine that you can record a message on saying that you are just resting, that way, she won't think that you are in hospital.

As for her calendar, it sounds like time for some good old fashioned bluntness. Tell her to stick it where the sun don't shine.....or stick it to the wall and you will consider it, then forget!

Don't let these precious first months of your baby's life be ruined by her wanting to recapture her youth again. You have to decide visiting times and you need to lay down the law. These are times you are never going to get back, so fight tooth and nail to make sure she can't take over.

Answer 5

You are without a question RIGHT! Nobody, including in-laws, should expect a new mother to part with her baby, especially when that baby is a new born. I just had a baby last month, and I still don't feel comfortable even letting someone babysit for a few hours.
They need to give you and your husband some space. It's stressful enough to have a new baby and they don't need to be adding extra stress to that experience by being pushy ; and a bit selfish to not even realize that.
My best advice to offer would be to nicely acklowledge that you understand they are excited about the new arrival too, but that it would be appreciated by you and your husbabnd if they could give the two of you some breathing space with this issue.
If they still seem to pushy about the matter after that, then just tell them what they want to hear, but do what YOU want!

Answer 6

Is this their first grandchild? Sounds like over-excited grandparents to me. My in-laws were like that. They were in their 70s when my first was born. But, they knew they weren't going to get the baby unless I said so.

Frankly, they are still afraid of the babies. I have a 5 month old right now and they have just started babysitting for him for a few hours. They are frightened to death of newborns.

They take my 2-year old for a few hours sometimes, but not very often.

Are you going to breastfeed? That would be a good reason that they could not take the baby for any reason.

Also, you are the baby's mother and that newborn needs to bond with you.

I'm sure your mother-in-law just wants to help you after the baby is born, but the best thing she could do is clean your house and cook for all of you.

Why don't you suggest (not like saying "be my maid for a month") but nicely suggest that you will need some help after the baby arrives and could she possibly cook a couple meals a week. I think you'll see that she'll probably offer to cook everyday.

I think they just want to be included and are inserting themselves into your experience just because they don't want to be left out.

Best of luck.

Answer 7

No, do NOT let the mom-in-law in the delivery room. I had to keep my own mom out of the delivery room for the same reason. And if you tell the nursing staff that only you & your hubby are allowed in the delivery room, they will make sure she (& everyone else) stay out.

And you're justified for standing your ground. I seriously doubt she would've wanted HER mom-in-law calling the shots when your hubby was born. She needs to show you the same respect.

And it's better for the baby to stay only at home for the first 3 months. The baby's immune system is too fragile.

Answer 8

I wouldn't let her be in there if I were you. This is a special day that should be shared with your husband not the in-laws. I would tell her that you don't care if she visits but that the baby will remain with you until you feel comfortable with him/her being away from you. The baby belongs to you and your husband and you will decide when and if the baby goes anywhere.

Answer 9

No you aren't wrong to feel that way. They are being too pushy and I know how you feel as I have been through it. You will just have to put them in their place and let them know that they raised their children, now it is you and your husbands turn. A first born is very special because it is the first time you are experiencing this and you will want to treasure it...they should understand and respect that. Let them know that as the child is older they will get a chance to spend time with it but as it is young, it needs its parents. Don't back down, they can't force you and your husband..what they will do is ruin their relationship with you. You can tell them that, that you want a relationship between yous but they will have to respect your decisions. Good luck and don't feel guilty.

Answer 10

First off no don't let her be in there just cause she wants to be in there, but if you want her to go ahead, otherwise tell your husband to tell his mom no, put your foot down she sounds like she is taking it a bit too far, sounds kinda like mine, on the staying the night just when it comes down to it tell them no your not too comfortable with that idea and that they can come see the baby when they want but they wont be keeping the baby over night until he or she is a bit older, I don't let mine cause they don't even have a bed and so I just say that I don't want him sleeping with them in their bed cause when he gets home he wont sleep in his own mine is three, and I never let him stay over night no matter what when he was a baby. So if you don't feel comfortable with it then don't let them just find a good excuse to not let them and explain to your husband why you don't want the baby staying over night, It isn't up to them to schedule when they have YOUR child it is your decision.