I'm sick, I have cancer. I'm trying to resolve all the unfinished business in my life.My mother was incredebly abusive phisicaly and emotionally. I though I forgave her, but deeply inside I resent everythyng she did to me. She even tryed to kill me once. She does not know that I'm sick.We are in speaking terms but sometimes I want to tell her how much she hurted me. She's 47 yrs old and still behaves like an adolecent. I'm so frustrated I love her so much but at the same time I'm still afraid of hating her for making the short time I have into a waste of life.
2006-10-24 06:14:59 · 13 answers · asked by solstice 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
There is nothing wrong with forgetting what happened but you should sit down and talk with your mom and tell her how you feel and how she made you feel but tell her that you still love her but she hurt you a lot and you still have a lot of resentment. There is nothing wrong with telling a loved one how you feel. Once you tell her these things, then put all your feelings aside and try and move on and not dwell on them anymore. The best medicine is confronting the person that hurt you and getting it all out and moving on. Good Luck and God Bless you
2006-10-24 06:22:40 · answer #1 · answered by Marie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart I am so sorry to hear about your illness. The best advice that I can give you on how to forgive your mother is to sit her down and tell her about your illness and also tell her how she has hurt you over the years. What she has done to you in hurting you over the years is a really bad thing,and in order for you to get some peace in your life , you have to forgive her because no matter what she is your mother. I believe that deep inside she really does love you but she seems to be the type of person that doesn't know how to show it on the outside. So you be the adult and show her how much you love her and sit down with her and tell her everything, but most of all no matter how she reacts you tell her that you love her, and I think that in the end she is going to break down and tell you that she loves you too. I wish you the best, I will say a prayer for you and your mother. Get out and enjoy your life and try to include your mother in some of the things that you do. Remember that forgiveness is a good thing. I think that once she hears what you have to say that it will soften her heart and the two of you will become closer than you have ever been, because I don't think that she really wants to lose you. GOOOD-LUCK and GOD BLESS YOU
2006-10-24 18:10:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
We can forgive but we still remember what was done and it still hurts. Your mom has not changed and it seems this is what hurts the most. Un fortunately, she is not likely to change even if you confront her. It is possible she will deny it or minimize it. You aare the one who will set the tone for the rest of your life be it short or long. If you think about all she did to you then you are still a victim. If you think about what you have done in your life since then you become a survivor and you if consider what you want your legacy to be then you are no longer giving your mom any power over you. You have the choice of letting your mom into your world in what ever way works for you, so if you choose to deal with her at a distance, you know what is best for you.Seriously consider counseling to help you cope with the past so you can live in peace for how ever long or short that may be.
Peace be with you
2006-10-24 13:43:08 · answer #3 · answered by sev1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I don't know your spirituality.You are already ill and with a highly stressful disease. You don't need any more stress. I truly think you should let her know how ill you are, this could be a time of healing for the both of you. Don't go through the days you have left being angry, this is a time to create peace in your life. Please do not allow negative energy dictate how much time you have left here on earth. The more you hold anger, and not allow yourself to heal mentally and emotionally you will make this time you have left on this earth shorter, by creating more stress. It really isn't worth it at his time. I would forgive my mother, and forgive myself for carrying the anger of the abuse for so long with out bringing it to the attention of my mother earlier. Then I would live the rest of my days I have left to the fullest, I would fill my days with nothing but positive and heartfelt acts. Make peace with yourself while you can.
2006-10-24 13:36:00 · answer #4 · answered by ricepat2000 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think I would tell my mother that I have cancer. I would try to forget what has happened in the past and put it behind me. I know it would be hard to forget the past, but I have to think of myself and get through the treatments. I would focus on living each day the way I want to. I would put all that hurt aside because I have the cancer to deal with. And concentrate on my happiness and people who do care about me. If my mom changed to a better person because I was sick, I think I would be hurt more. I would wonder why now does she seem to care. But, I would have to stop thinking of everything she had done and what she might do, and worry about myself and my well being in my finally days. I wish you the best during your treatments and take care of yourself.
2006-10-24 13:45:44 · answer #5 · answered by Old_Brat 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was almost in the same position as you and let me say let her have it. Don't hold back and at the end you will feel that relief and you will forgive her. It might seem to go over her head on what you are saying but just telling her will let out that anger.. Then go out and spend the rest of the time you have left on anything that you want to do or see. Don't wrap up all the time you have left on her. And i know its don't seem fair the you have to go so early but they have chosen you as an angle. Maybe your life up on the big blue ski is what you been wishing for and i hope it is. God Bless
2006-10-24 13:31:59 · answer #6 · answered by crazyhagan 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is possible to forgive her if that's what is really in your heart. You should tell her you have cancer. I'm sorry and feel that you are very strong to keep this from her. I think maybe the best thing to do is write her a letter and let her know of all the ways you were hurt by her in a way that she would understand. This way she wouldn't interrupt you and you could make her understand by your point of view if she is hard to talk to. I think maybe after you've let it out in which ever way, you'd finally be at ease to forgive her. Best of luck!
2006-10-24 13:31:21 · answer #7 · answered by yole123 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would sit down and tell her how you feel for all that she has done. She will never know how you feel about the past unless you tell her. She deserves it and YOU mostly deserve it. Has she changed her ways when it comes to abuse? Some people never grow up. If you don't tell her you are sick then she may never be able to apologize for her ways. Unfortunately it takes sickness and dying to have someone to apologize. Good Luck and God Bless You
2006-10-24 13:29:06 · answer #8 · answered by lpdecca 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to be up front with her. Tell her how you feel. If she accepts it fine, if not walk away. Then do yourself a favor - forgive her - because you don't want anything to mar the time you have on this earth. Spend time in treatment and doing the things you want to do and being with the people who bring you joy. good luck to you.
2006-10-24 13:18:23 · answer #9 · answered by sassybree1979 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its not your responsibility to forgive her, she obviously didnt respect your body. Act respectful and decent towards her but why should you be the only one who is putting it an effort? If she doesnt want forgiveness and your love back, move on. Have a peace of mind, you've done all you can do.
<3
2006-10-24 13:19:45 · answer #10 · answered by ggh 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋