A Question About Dinner Party Menus?

Question

When planning a dinner party menu, who is responsible for finding out about dietary restrictions or limitations?

Some friends and I were talking, and this discussion came up. I tried looking it up in etiquette books, and didn't get a definitive answer.

A friend related that she planned a dinner party and invited a new couple her husband met through work. It was a fairly nice affair, and she invited two other couples so they could meet the new people (who don't know anyone here in town). She fixed chicken, figuring it would be the least objectionable thing for most people to eat. One couple refused to eat it on the grounds that they are vegetarian, and another refused to eat it because it was not free-range chicken. The vegetarians also refused the potato side dish (beef stock), and the salad (cheese crumbles); they ate rolls.

Is it the responsibility of the host/ess to find out about dietary restrictions, or should the guests make it known they have special needs?

Answer 1

As a vegetarian for 25 years, I feel quite strongly about this. (I'm assuming it wasn't a RSVP written invite) The Guests, if they have dietary restrictions should make them known. I would n't dream of turning up at someones house expecting them to have cooked a vegetarian meal, how ridiculous considering that most people are not vegetarian. And as for the couple who wouldn't eat non free range chicken, I'm thinking they must have a hard time going out for dinner. We all have to eat food we don't like occasionally, its called politeness, and if someone does have foods they absolutely can't eat, make a telephone call, not a lot of fuss at the dinner table. I feel sorry for the hostess who probably put a lot of effort into cooking only for it to go to waste.

Answer 2

I vote that it's the host's responsibility. A simple question after the invite: Do you have any dietary restrictions? would have solved all that.

If they start a long list of restrictions, you might want to interupt them and say, "ooohh, maybe I should have asked this BEFORE I invited you?" ;-) (that was a joke)

But seriously, it would also be a pretty good barameter of how well you may or may not get along with the invitees. For instance, I'd probably be able to get by with the vegitarians in your group there, but the free range chicken folk and I would have tangled a bit. While I believe it's best to have free range, I also believe that out of politness they should have STFU and eaten the chicken, becuase it's not THAT far off their menu.

I also think the veggies should have taken it up on themselves to be more forward. But the ultimate responsibility falls on the host.

Answer 3

Well, if there were written invitations it should've been on there to respond with dietary restrictions. It's a sign of the times, more people are veg or have food allergies these days. I do not eat ANY meat, only fish and dairy. If it were not on the invitation, I don't know that I would feel comfortable (depending on how well I knew the host) informing them I would need a vegetarian option because I do not expect people to go out of their way to cater to me (unless I had a food allergy, that can be a life threatening emergency so you gotta speak up about that). One the other hand, I wouldn't want to sit there and not eat and make a host feel that they've been unaccommodating. Now the folks who didn't eat it because it wasn't free range - that was just a little snooty. The cheese crumbles could've been picked out.

Answer 4

As the hostess for our last dinner party for my husband's work, I made hubby ask the invitees if there were dietary restrictions. One didn't like pasta but spaghetti was OK, and both were low-fat dieters. I would have cooked something completely different if I hadn't known that it would have clashed with their diets.

And if I'm hosting a party out of the kindness of my heart, I don't want people to come up to me or call and demand no meat, no cheese, must have meat but not chicken, must not have seafood, or seafood is the only meat I'll eat. That's too demanding. It's like I'm still at a restaurant and cooking 14 different dishes. I think it's more appropriate to ask each person or couple yourself so you can coordinate ahead of time and hopefully work it in so that everyone can have something you cook.

As for the free-range thing, I would have just rolled my eyes. Offer them some chips and salsa for dinner or something if they refuse to eat it.

Answer 5

Its person being invited responsiblity to inform the host or hostess of thier restrictions. The people with the restrictions know that everyone does not choose to make the same dietary choices they do. I actually think it very tacky for the person to show up ASSUMING they will be catered to because then it puts the host on the spot, makes them feel uncomfortable, and sets a tension in the ari for the entire dinner party. Why even go to a dinner party if not to eat.

Answer 6

If people have an allergy or are vegetarians it's their responsiblity to step up and say something. The host/hostess can't be responsible for planning the event, sending invitations, making all the food, etc. If the invitation is RSVP I would leave a blank line for them to fill in any dietary restrictions. Otherwise, unless people offer up that information at the time they are invited they hostess wouldn't know.

Answer 7

I absolutely love how it's vegetarian. Sounds wonderful! For the pears, I do have a love for a good firm asian pear, however steamed pears (warm) served over a cool salad is very pleasing to the senses. For your alfredo sauce, I prefer broccoli over mushrooms, because I find they have nicer texture. For a side dish, how about a nice sweet potatoe and squash soup? Very tastey, and looks great with a little sour cream and parsley on the top. For a dessert, I would stick with something light. Angel food cake with strawberries and cool whip? Or how about a nice tofu pumpkin cheesecake, or pumpkin pie? An apple pie would be nice too. Something that's in season will compliment your meal.

Answer 8

I think it's the responsibility of the guest to let the hostess know of any restrictions. If I invite someone to my home for a meal and they don't say anything, how am I supposed to know what they can/can't/won't eat? It would certainly save hurt feelings on both sides if the guest would meniton their restrictions. I suppose the hostess could also mention 'I'll be serving *whatever* this evening".

Answer 9

If you are having a dinner party where invites are sent out.. or even email invites. You might let everyone know what you are planning on having.. then at the bottom of the invite say...
*If you have dietary restrictions please let me know in advance so I can prepair accordingly.
Good Luck on your party!

Answer 10

Actually, it is the hosts responsibility. If it is a formal affair with a written invitation, it should be included on the invitation and included with the RSVP (please rsvp with any dietary restrictions).

I do think people tend to get carried away these days and sometimes people just try to make a statement.