What to do with our Son?

Question

We have a 9 year old son. We expect him to help out around the house, his only chores are keeping his room clean and feeding and watering the dog & rabbits. Here is the problem; he says he has done it. When you check its not done. You tell him to go and it just does not get done. We have tried everything we can think of. We've taken away his TV & Playstation, his Skateboard & dirtbike, sent him to bed early, grounded him. What more can we do to send the message home? I feel everyone in our home has to help out. His 4 year old sister does more around the house then he does. Any suggestions would greatly help!

Answer 1

I HAVE A SON WHO IS NOW 20, WHEN HE WAS YOUNG HE HAD A TERRIBLE TIME DOING CHORES, ESPECIALLY A CHORE THAT REQUIRED ORGANIZATION SKILLS!! TRY GIVING HIM ONE TASK AT A TIME, PICK UP YOUR CLOTHES OFF FLOOR, THEN WAIT FOR HIM TO DO SAID CHORE, MY SON HAD SUCH DIFFICULTY THAT I'D HAVE TO SAY, PICK UP RED SHIRT, PUT IT IN THE HAMPER, WAIT FOR HIM TO COMPLETE SAID TASK, AND CONTINUE!!! JUST DON'T LET HIS ROOM GET TO MESSY, IT TOOK US ALMOST 1 FULL DAY TO CLEAN IT ONCE!!! TODAY AT 20 HE IS AN EXECUTIVE CHEF, NOW THAT TAKE ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS!! GOOD LUCK. OH ONE MORE THING A CHILD PYSIC. MIGHT HELP, HE NAME MY SON'S DISABILITY "PERFORMANCE ANXIETY!!

Answer 2

I'd say that your husband might need to pitch in more because it sounds like you are doing most of the work here. When I was growing up those kinda punishments only worked if you kept the things that he likes the most for a few weeks or even months to show him that you mean business but at the same let him earn everything back. A kid will do almost anything to get his toys back and especially game systems. So just try this out for the next few weeks and if it doesn't work I'd say start giving him some good ole fashioned whippings just to show that you are not too old to get a spanking. There is nothing wrong with that neither so I hope you are one of those parent's that thinks there is.

Answer 3

Make a game of the room cleaning. Start with something small and keep going with it until the job gets done. Act surprise when he does a task and give him laughter as small rewards. In other words, trick him into wanting to do it. Don't expect perfection from his output, but be consistent. As for the pets, teach him empathy for their hunger. When he feeds the animals, tell him that they are thinking what a terrific owner he is and what a good job he's doing like the people who work at the zoos. You will have to do this over and over and over again, so be patient, but always be consistent. Good luck to you and your family.

Answer 4

A lot of 9 year olds (my son included) are not self starters. I would try doing the task along side him the first few times to be sure he understands EXACTLY what is required. I usually use rewards rather than punishments. In our house, we have a point system. Points are earned by completing a task (taken away for big misbehavior.) He'll be working towards something he wants. Like, in the future, for a paycheck. Good luck!

Answer 5

I was raised on a farm, and we never ate until the animals had eaten. If he fails to feed the dog and rabbits, don't fill his plate until it's done. If you have to pick his toys up in his room, get rid of the ones you had to pick up. You must nip this in the bud NOW, before he gets any older. You also need to get a hand on his lying. If he says he has done something and hasn't, there must be consequences. If he doesn't straighten up, don't just take away his tv, playstation, etc.; get rid of them. Those things are privileges, not rights. I know it is hard to use tough love on your kids, but remember, you are their parent not their buddy.

Answer 6

Try "giving" the TV, playstation, skateboard and dirt bike to his 4 year old sister as she's the one that does the chores assigned to her. Maybe then he'll want to earn them back? Or warn him that if he doesn't pick his stuff up you'll throw it out. Bag it up and tell him your throwing it away. (Stash it in a good place so he won't know any different.) Good luck, sounds like a real battle of the wills...I hope you win!

Answer 7

When you tell him to clean his room set a time limit. Like say you got a half hour to get it done and I'll be in to check it so get busy. As far as the pets go all you can really do is check to make sure he feeds them. If he hasn't walk right up to him and tell him to get out there and feed them and then follow him to make sure he does. Don't let him put things off.

Answer 8

Throw everything else away, including the dog. Send him the message that if he does not work, he will get nothing. Which is the fact of life.

Then implement the rewarding system. every job accomplished, he gets paid. Maybe a dollar for his age. Up to you to decide. That'll make him understand only through hardwork he will earn his penny.

Cheers!

Answer 9

When he chooses not to do his chores, make him sit in his room with nothing to do, no games, books, computer whatever. Let him be bored. Then when he asks you to do something tell him that he can clean his room, feed the pets, or continue to sit in his room. My step son soon realized that it was no fun to sit in his room with nothing to do and chose to do his chores. We never had a problem with him again. Sometimes they don't want to be told what to do so if we give them options then they think they are in controll! Good luck!

Answer 10

You need to be patient on this one. If necessary, stand at the doorway to his room and watch him pick it up until he is done. If you let him get away with not doing his chores even once, he will continue to challenge you in the event that he may get a free pass.
Good luck.

Answer 11

sounds like he may have a touch or two of adhd. He needs things to be a little simpler for him. Try organizing his room with him,making sure he has a little less things in his room that he has to deal with.. get rid of excess things he don't use or play with. Give him some shelves to put things into..make his room smooth and less cluttered. This will start him on his way to cleaning up things in his room when it's more organized.

As for the pets.. It's up to you, but if it was me, I'd get someone else in the house to feed them, or get rid of them if that is not possible.