What should I do now?

Question

After a year in a relationship I became pregnant and decided to keep the baby. I found out during my 7th month that the father was cheating, he is a womanizer, a manipulator, a big fat liar, a dead beat dad, a user, a control freak and mentally unstable. Most of this information I recieved from his mother, his sister and the mother of his 2 older children.
Since my son's birth the father has turned his family against me by telling them that I have talked negative about them, all because he has not been financially supportive and I told him that I would take him to court. The woman that he was cheating with took him in after I put him out and it turns out she is a lunatic. In the past 9 mnths that they have been together, she has run him down with a car, slept with his friends and the two of them have plotted, in front of his other children, how they were going to take my son and raise him as their own.
Now, he wants me to allow my son to be apart of his life.

Should I allow him to make my son a part of his disfunctional life? He drinks too much, he just started smoking weed alot. I left my 5 mnth old with his mother for a weekend, advised her what he could and could not have, she gave him everything I asked her not too and more and gave me my baby back with a diaper rash.
No one in his family has seen the baby in about 2 mnths, my son is 7 mnths old. His other two children have the same mother, she knows that their father has problems, but they know him so she doesn't keep them away, but they are in therapy. I want to do right, but I don't want to endanger my son in any way, shape or form. Physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually. Please advise on what I should do about my son. Save comments on my mistakes in my relationship choices. I have learned my lesson. But my son's future is now at stake and I just want to do the right thing. Any helpful advice is appreciated.

Answer 1

You poor thing. You have every right to want an answer to this question.. people make mistakes, learn from them, and pick up the pieces after.. it just so happens that you were left with the only piece that matters. A beautiful baby.

As this baby's mother, your first responsibility should be to the welfare of that boy in all the ways you mentioned ( mentally, physically, spiritually) and you have to sit and think hard of all the things that you want for that boy, and how you want him to turn out.

Having a father is important to a boy, but not one that is going to abuse him in any way.. and this includes the things that he may be exposed to if he goes to visit his father. Having family that loves him is important, but not if his grandmother is sending him home with diaper rash and neglecting him.

If you want your son to grow into a happy and healthy young man, he should not be exposed to ANYTHING that would deterr that.. and as his mother, it's your responsibility to keep those things at bay.

Do what you KNOW in your heart is right.. and make excuses later. Your son, and everyone else who matters will understand when the time is right.

Answer 2

What would I do?

If the guy wasn't paying child support, I would tell him that he can't see his kid. See, the thing with that is if he wanted to take me to court over it, I would let him. Why? Because they would go through establishing paternity of the child, and in return for visitation, would take child support (a hell of a lot!) out of his paychecks. If he didn't have a job, he would be told to get and keep a job for support payments or else spend time in jail for nonpayment of support. So I am thinking he will find it to be a rather huge and expensive hassle to get at you by wanting visitation. He will drop it in no time.

As for the dysfunctional, you contol how your child is raised, and how he thinks. Right now, he is too young for anything they do to effect him in any way. But what you do on a regular basis will. You are in a tricky spot because as your son gets older, he may wish to see or know his father. If it comes to light that you kept him from his father, it more than likely will damage your relationship with your son. So you do have to think about that.

I would tell the father if he wants visitation, then you will go through the court system so a support arrangement can be put in place, as well as structure for the visitations. If you have proof of his "activities", I would also bring those to light in the court. That will have a baring on visitation. If he is unfit, and a hazzard to the child, no court will allow him visitation without supervision, and he will still have to pay all of the support or go to jail.

Take the high road. Offer him the option, but tell him it will all go through the courts. If he says that isn't acceptable, then that will tell you how much he loves his son, and you will know the motives. That can be used against him as well.

Good luck!

Answer 3

My heart goes out to you and your son!!! First thing that you need to do , if you have not already, is to go and get full custody of the child!!! I made the mistake of not doing that and allowed the father to see the child, and while he had her , he went and filed for custody so i couldnt even see my daughter until court, which i did get full custody but his crazy ass girlfriend acted like MY DAUGHTER was hers and i had to spend over a month without my little one!!! Please make sure you take this step or DO NOT under any circumstances let him have the child by himself!!! I know it is hard to not let a son not see his father , but it sounds like there is absolutely NO stability for the child whatsoever!! You just keep your son with you as long as you have a stable environment . That is one of the most important things in a childs life is to have a nice, stable, home environment!! I would have taken pics of the baby when it came home with the rash for court reasons. Well good luck to you sweetie in whatever you decide to do ,but to me it sounds like you love your little boy dearly and only want what is best for him so try your best to do what is right for him. Keep him with YOU!
best wishes......

Answer 4

If he signed the birth certificate, then he may have rights. I would take him to court, and tell the judge the same thing you have told us on here. More than likely he will NOT grant custody to someone like that. If he were to get custody you can demand the court to require a drug test every week to assure your sons safty, and you CAN do that. This will prove that he is not a fit parent and you will have nothing to worry about! :o)

Good luck!

Answer 5

Yikes!! You have a very difficult situation. As much as it hurts, it sounds like you need to keep your distance from this guy. I'm sure you will find someone very special who will love you and your child and treat you the way you should be treated. I would get a lawyer so you can have legal rights. If you don't choose this route, you and your baby could be in big trouble. Good luck.

Answer 6

Let me say this, take him to court . Bring proof that he and his new woman are unfit to be parents and you can have his rights removed. I would do this asap because you do not want this man to be apart of your childs life until he is stable. The court may not totally remove his rights, but at least they would make supervised visits be mandatory and prevent something from happening to you baby. Take action before those crazy people do. Good luck!

Answer 7

your son is far too young to be away from his mother for more than an hour or so at a time, and far too young to be alone with his awful father. the stakes are so high, your son's life could be in danger.

i think any court would back you and additionally, i don't think this bozo has the capability of pulling together a legal challenge. your son doesn't need this man in his life at all right now - and maybe never.

i would strongly consider moving away.

Answer 8

IF you are getting him to pay child support then you should allow him in his sons life

however if I were you I would NOT ask for support.. I would simply move away and get on with my life elsewhere - especially if there are no issues of custody

if you think he is a threat to your family then get restraining orders

the main thing is if you want NO part of him then also this means cash.. do NOT ask him for money if you are excluding him

Answer 9

Not without supervision. Take his ass to court hopefully they will see the lifestyle he lives and will order supervised visitation. And uhhh, sounds like this guy is getting a taste of his own medicine, maybe he's found his soul mate. Good Luck hun, I know this is a very difficult situation you are in.

Answer 10

NO! NO! NO!
Keep your child away from him!
Doesn't sound like he is going to be a good role model anyway. And, if he has plotted to take your son, would you feel comfortable with him seeing your son, always wondering if this is the day that he is going to kidnap your son?