Would you trust a girl who is cheating on her fiancee with you?

Question

A friend and I recently became involved,we have always had feelings for one another,she finally admitted to having feelings for me,and I said I did as well,she cried and asked me why I didn't say anything earlier,she is engaged now,and says she has fell for me and wishes she could find a way to be with me,we have spent a lot of time together,but she keeps it a secret,nobody has a clue we are involved even though they see us together all the time,because they know we are friends,I told her I can't be with her anymore,I should have never got involved,but I always loved her,in my mind she was cheating on him the moment she confessed her feelings for me,but she has not left him yet,now I feel as if she just used me for a fling until she gets married,I told her I do not want to be second best and I refuse to share her, the problem is if she does leave him will I ever be able to trust her,will she do the same thing to me?Why did she agree to marry if she wasn't in love and is not happy? help

Answer 1

She is only engaged. She can break off the engagement. Should you trust her? That's totally up to you. No one on this site can tell you for sure if this is a pattern of hers or if you are "the one".

Bottom line is that she needs to finish one thing before starting another.

Answer 2

You don't need help. You already know the right thing to do, but since you asked, here's my take. Of course you can trust her, you can trust her to cheat on you too. The perception is that it's always the man who is unfaithful, when women are in fact just as likely to stray. Here's another problem. Your little secret won't remain a secret forever. The truth always comes out and then there will be serious repercussions. You say that you feel used for a fling when in fact you are using her just the same. You know she's engaged, she not available (physically and apparently emotionally) and now you think there's a chance you two might end up together. Get your head out of your A**. You broke man rule # 1, never, EVER bed another man's woman. Would you like it if some guy did that to you and your woman? and what do you think the fiancee would want to do to the both of you if he found out your little secret? If you had feelings for this girl in the past, then why didn't you cowboy up and tell her then instead of waiting til she expressed feelings to you? I'll tell you why, because it safer for anyone to casually express their feelings to an unavailable person, there's no chance for rejection. It's a safe play. A real man doesn't let the little head think for the big one which is what you really did. You saw an opening and you took it. This girl is immature and for the record, you are second best right now, hell, you might even be third or fourth. My guess is that she's got some real emotional issues that I'm sure you're not prepared to deal with. Here's my advice. Get away from this girl. If you were truly her friend you wouldn't have taken advantage of her advances, but you did so now you have to put and end to this so called "relationship" for it is a mirage. She's got a ton of problems and now they are yours as well, not an envious position if you ask any man.

Answer 3

Dude, like she said, you never said a thing about loving her in the first place.
Before everything, why did you confess your love to her knowing that she's happily engaged? In fact,if you look at it this way,you're the beginning of all evil. You seriously have no one to blame or is in no position to complain.
Honestly,I think,it needs 2 hands to clap. As long as one day she's not married,she still has the option to choose.Problem is,if she's willing to choose.
You started the whole game of cheating,it's your fault,but we can't turn back the clock.
Good thing is,she loves you too.Or so,she claimed. So,now the ball is in her court. If she loves you and want to spend the rest of her life with you,she will have to find a way to leave the engagement pact.She can't be having the best of both world anymore.
And while she's making that decision, you have to ask yourself if you will ever doubt her feelings, with the way you 2 fell in love. As soon as you figure your way out to trust her totally and never bring this incident up or could just joke about it 2 yrs down the road,then you are ready to accept her and probably marry her.
Otherwise, leave her to lead her happy married life and go look elsewhere. After all,there are billions of people in the world and research has found that the female ratio is far beyond that of the males.

All the best!

Answer 4

these are all very good questions. first why didn't she end it with him and go for you if she wanted that all along? my guess is she feels commited even though she's not married and probably won't change her answer of "i do". the fact that she did become involved with you means this marriage shouldn't take place. However, you're right and bravo on refusing to share her and being second! perhaps she does love the person she's ment to marry but obvisouly not to the level of husband (maybe only a friend) and she believed it would be enough...eventually. Hard to tell...are you sure she's being honest w/ you? Is she just bending the truth for you to spare your feelings? If she does leave him you will have an issue of trust you need to address and she will have to be willing to be completly open with you and you'll have to at least try and trust her fully...I guess if it was me...I'd probably risk it but there would be a lot of hurting if I did I think...

Answer 5

Sometimes you dont realise how you feel until its far too late, you started this ball rolling by telling her how you felt, so be a man and take reponsibility for at least part of the blame.......by the way just because she has done it to him, doesnt mean she will to you.....oh and they arent married yet, do something about it while you still can.....

If not remain friends with her until the time is right.....you never know what may happen in the future. If you cant trust her now......dont bother getting into a relationship, as you cannot have a relationship where there is no trust........

Answer 6

It may be that she has only just realized that you are the better person and that she was simply blindsided by love at the time. I would have a serious talk with her as this also involves her fiance. If she is not ready to get married to the other man, she needs to return the ring ASAP to avoind any more confusion aboaut that relationship. In the meantime, I think that the two of you need to put things in perspective such as are you going to truly be happy together, or is this pre wedding jitters that she is going through? Good luck.

Answer 7

Jeff hunny, sometimes these things happen, what she needs to do is be true to everyone involved! Starting with the guy she is dating, because he is the only one not in on the whole deal! He must really be a cool guy since she is planning on marrying him, but does he deserve to be kept in the dark? Talk to your friend, after all you two were friends before you became what you are now. Give her some advice Jeff, maybe she needs advice, maybe she is confused, maybe if you talk to her she can keep from making a huge mistake! Its best if the other guy knows now before things get too thick and too late, please don't abandon her, she needs a friend and has a lot of deciding to do and frankly she is the only one who can make these changes, all you can do is be there to support her Jeff, Be what you have always been to her, A Friend... Honesty is the best policy... Then maybe you can decide wjhat kind of a relationship you want to have with her...Good Luck Jeff! :) Contact me if u'd like... we can communicate some more...

Answer 8

Never trust a cheater. Once a cheater always a cheater. If they cheat on someone with you there is NO way to know for sure that they won't cheat on you with someone else.

Good for you for calling off the "fling" before it got you both in really hot water.

There is no way to know why she did it, she may have just been using you, or she may reallly care for you. But unless she calls off her engagement I would not persue her any further. Still remain friends, but let it be known that you want nothing else from her unless she is going to come clean to her soon to be hubby. Otherwise how will you know she is going to be honest with you if she can't tell him the real reason she is calling it off.

Good luck and I hope it all works out for you.

Answer 9

I honestly believe if they will cheat with you... they will cheat on you. IF she was serious about you, she would have called a halt to at least her engagement immediately and to her relationship with him. You deserve to be put first in your woman's life, not second best. Don't ever settle for less than what you deserve or you will never be happy. Also, the fact that you even ask this question already shows that you have doubts about her, not a good way to start a relationship!!

Answer 10

I wish I could tell you what your female friend was thinking, agreeing to marry a guy she was not in love with, but then at the same thime agrees to have a fling with you......The only thing I will say for sure is that she really do not love you nor this other guy, because when you love someone, you will not hurt them, like she is doing, it sounds more like she wants her cake and want to eat it too............that's an old saying.............Believe me, you will never trust her honestly because you yourself already know what she is capable of doing, to another, I hope that you do realize that what you are feeling is more of a lust feeling, that we sometimes confuse with love. Sweetie please do not be angry with me for saying this to you but, If you really loved her you would have never gotten involved with her KNOWING she is to marry another.