Please Help! I have serious Mother-Inlaw Problems!?

Question

I dont know what to do. My mother in law hates me one day and loves me the next. She tells me not to ask her to babysit my kids, and when she finds out I asked someone else to do it, she gets mad that I didnt ask her. I dont agree with some of the things that she does (drinking and driving, smoking with my kids around etc.) I told her that I dont want my kids around the smoke and alcohol, and she gets mad at me and tells me I dont know what Im doing as a parent. My husband isnt my oldest sons father, and last year after 3 years together, she said she doesnt consider him part of the family (he was only 7 at the time). She has repeatedly done horrible things, like telling everyone to eat before my wedding because I wouldnt have enough food for everyone! She made life miserable for me, and I forgave her because of my husband and my children. Now things have been good for a while, and now she is doing it again. I dont know what to do! Help please!!

Answer 1

Where is your husband in all of this???? He should be dealing with his mother for your sake. If he won't, then keep the kids away. When she gets angry, too bad. "remember you told me you didn't want to babysit?" When she says the oldest is not of the family, tell her "you can't treat my son that way because I'm part of this family and he is part of me". Don't get angry like she does, just matter of factly tell her the truth if your man won't. She'll be pis*sed...but who cares? Limit you contact with here for your own sake. Do not invite her to you home. Let your husband deal with this because that's his job!!!!

Answer 2

Sounds almost like my mother-in-law.This is something your husband needs
to talk to her about.She should treat you with respect out of respect for her
son.After all that is what you do,right?I respect my husbands feelings so
when I'm around her I treat her nicely but I don't go over board and I don't go
out of my way to include her in events.Usually if there isn't going to be a bunch
of beer or other people drinking she doesn't want to be there any way and if
she does come she doesn't stay very long.So I don't usually have a problem with her.If she says mean things about you it's probably just her own guilty
feelings for not being a better mother and grandmother.Don't let her bring you
down because she doesn't hold the key to the gate and you should always try
to be the best you can be for your own family.

Answer 3

Obviously, this woman has problems. She's either alcoholic or emotionally or mentally disturbed. BUT, your help should come from your husband. He needs to stand beside you when you tell his mother that she can babysit the children IF she will obide by your rules...no smoking or drinking in the house or car. No driving while under the influence. If she will not agree, then it is HER choice not to get to babysit. If she won't accept your son as her new grandchild, she cannot babysit at all, either. Again, make her see that it is HER choice. I am a mother-in-law and I obide by my children's rules for their own family. I respect my son and his wife and know they have a right to raise their family as they see fit. Thus, I am the favorite babysitter. Tell your husband, he needs to talk to his mother and lay down the family rules. That is what is upsetting your marriage, he needs to stand with you in a united front.

Answer 4

Sounds like you have a real deusy of a mother-in-law! Is it possible for you to move farther away from her? By not having her in your life on a daily basis, you would only have to deal with her occasionally.
The problem is obviously hers, and you cannot blame yourself. You cannot change her, so you can only change yourself and the reactions you allow yourself to feel. I suggest that you work at agreeing with her most of the time to her face, but letting it all go when she leaves your home. Play her game with a smile on your face and not fall into her patterns of sickness. Ignore as much as possible, and love your children enough for her too. Let your children know that 'grandma' has some issues with drinking, and that is what has made her unstable in her thinking. Do not let her take care of your children, or drive with them. You must ALWAYS put your children first.
Also, talk to your husband, and tell him that you are counting on him to stick up for you and his children with his mother. He should not tolerate the abuse and negativity she is spewing upon your family. Your husband should be stepping up to the plate and protecting you from her.
Good luck, and I am sorry this got so long!

Answer 5

First, tell her they are your children and you will not allow her to smoke, drink, etc around them PERIOD. It is your life, you need to live it. You need to talk with your husband about the issues at hand. He needs to handle it as it is his mother. He needs to be completely aware of how you feel and how he is acting around the children. It doesn't matter that the oldest is his child, does he love him just the same? I would imagine so as you did marry the man and I am sure you would not have if he didn't. You need to also ask her plain and simple what her problem is with you. If she can't explain it, walk away. Stay away from her. My mom and my grandmother really never got along and my parents have been married for over 30 yrs! My mom simply avoids her. If we wanted to see my dad's family, we went with him. Talk, talk and more talk, hun. Wish we could all have the TVLand families, huh?

Answer 6

It sounds like your dealing with a lady who is wacked in the head.

Don't just sit back and take it, but it seems she get's her ups and downs. You need to learn the times to ignore her, her comments and her ways. It will be healthy for you and your family.

IF your husband has no idea on how to deal with her, and offers not to step up for his family, then he must not think it's of any importance.

The worst thing she's done is the part about the oldest son not being a part of the family. That's when you should of stood your ground and shared with her that SHE isn't a part of the family!

Stand up, get a backbone!!

Answer 7

I think it's time for your husband to step up and tell his mother how his wife deserves to be treated. And, until she accepted your son as part of the family I would not attend anything at her home. For the safety of your kids, you need to keep them away from her if smoking and drinking is taking place.

Answer 8

If I were in your shoes I would not subject the children to that kind of atmosphere. It sounds like she may have problems and will cause you and your family a great amount of heart ache. I think I would stay away no matter what nasty thing she may say about you or your family. She doesnt sound like she deserves what you have to offer. Yes, forgive her and love her but I would keep your distance and keep the children away from negativity.

Answer 9

It sounds like my ex-mother in law as well. The best advice I can give you is to stand up for yourself. You have to let them know that it is your life and your children. Don't walk on eggshells around them. I finally move away from my control freak ex-husband's family and it has made my life much easier!

Answer 10

it is in basic terms between you and your husband. i assume he doesnt decide for to decrease off communique? I wish he might. you would be able to desire to track all of them in and out case your husband talks to you approximately them, say' you already know whenever you carry them up i think ill interior via fact i needed shall we've had a solid dating with customary people who're no longer gossiping and intrusive in our enterprise like they're' you're scripting this question right here, yet does your husband easily need an answer? Is he chuffed to proceed conversing on the telephone and answering her questions? seems so. I propose if HE wrote the question right here, i ought to handle the subject greater efficient. yet i think of he will no longer do something, top? Im sorry