Halloween jokes?

Question

I'm looking for some good halloween jokes- any assistance is appreciated! :)

Answer 1

A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears:


BUMP...



BUMP...



BUMP...




Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.



BUMP...




BUMP...




BUMP...





Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him




FASTER...



FASTER...




BUMP...




BUMP...




BUMP...



He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.

However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping


clappity-BUMP...



clappity-BUMP...


clappity-BUMP...


on his heels as the terrified man runs.



Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.



With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.









Bumping and clapping toward him.





The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...

and,






(hopefully you're ready for this!!!)






The coffin stops........

Answer 2

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain; and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party after all. In as much as her husband didn't know what costume she'd be wearing, she thought she'd have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she wasn't around.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could, getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there. His wife went up to him and being rather seductive herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to this new babe who had just arrived.

She let him do whatever he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and they did it all! Zowie! Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked how the evening had been? He said "Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "You know, I didn't dance even one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.

But I'll tell you...from what I heard, the guy I loaned my costume to, sure had a real good time!"



A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.

She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says "OK, pull into the next alley."

He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."

Answer 3

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the
last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making
several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was
another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was
embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the
bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by
the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and
swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off him
and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the
sheets,a hospital security guard (barely containing his laughter) who had
watchedthe whole incident walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"
The drunk, still staring down, replied: "I'm not sure but I think I just
beat the sh*t out of a ghost". Happy Halloween!

Answer 4

do the "grudge"; either you or your friends (whoever has longer hair) and do like the girl in grudge movie with the lights turned off at night. My friends did that and i scared the hell out of me.

Answer 5

When your friends aren't wearing a costume, be like:
You: Nice costume.
Them: What do you mean?
You: YOUR FACE!

Lol, cheesy.

Answer 6

What do ghosts use to wash their clothes.........BOO CHEER

Answer 7

WHAT DO YOU CALL AN EMPTY HOTDOG

A HALLOWEENIE!

hehehe