My 19-yr-old bf is the most loyal,sweet,thoughtful,considerate and loving guy I've ever known but hes never really dealt with his father's child abuse.His father passed away 2 weeks ago and he won't talk about it.How can I help?
2006-10-24 03:15:42 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
You need to back off. Seriously. You can't really push someone into dealing with that, the mind has a way of protecting itself until the person is mature enough to deal with it. All you can do is simply suggest talking to a counselor about it and leave it at that. If he internalizes it, he can become an abuser. If he deals with it he can heal. He needs to understand that counseling will be a safe place to look at what happened to him, grieve and then move on to a healthier life. People who stuff their issues find out that was not the wise thing to do.
2006-10-24 03:26:11 · answer #1 · answered by MadforMAC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was abused as a child and i am having a lot of problems now. my bf tries to help but he cant. it is something i have to deal with on my own...as does your bf.
my bf's father recently passed also. he was a very absent father and when my bf was first told that his father was dieing, he said he didn't care. but when he did pass he was devastated. people deal with things in their own time and as everyone else said all you can do is be there for him if he does want to talk about it.
the worst thing you can do is to try to push him. he will feel like you WANT there to be something wrong with him. i know that how i feel when my bf wants to talk about my problems.
2006-10-24 10:31:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a book called Allies in Healing (At least that's the name I remember). It was written by the woman who wrote "Courage to Heal". It is probably the best book out there for partners of a survivor. The book Courage to Heal is excelent for your bf.
Also, there is a website which deals with these subjects at http://www.isurvive.org You might want to check it out.
2006-10-24 10:28:08 · answer #3 · answered by Deirdre H 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can help by urging him to see a professional counselor or join a child abuse support group. Look in the newspaper calssifieds under "support groups" or "community listings" to fins one. Good luck!
2006-10-24 10:25:15 · answer #4 · answered by Kacky 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be open when he does want to talk about it.
Be supportive but not pushy. He may just need time to sort through this. Let him be for awhile. Be loving.
2006-10-24 10:18:56 · answer #5 · answered by Steph 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't. He has to find his own way in this matter. All you can do is be willing to listen if he is ever ready to talk about it.
2006-10-24 10:18:18 · answer #6 · answered by essentiallysolo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first, u can pray to Jesus for him. if he's not saved tell him that Jesus can set him free. if he's already a christian, tell him that the devil uses people's past to hinder them, and do all kinds of crap to them without them even knowing it. u know how i know? cuz i used to have alot of problems, not like that, but i was a meth addict, and after Jesus saved me, the enemy kept accusing me of stuff and kept me in depression. well, thats my advice, i hope it helps, and God bless
2006-10-24 10:21:17 · answer #7 · answered by azn g 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe he should go see a therapist. if you are always there for him, even if he doesn't talk about it but still knows it, that always can help.
2006-10-24 10:25:43 · answer #8 · answered by heather. just heather. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋