Question about today's parenting.......?

Question

Now, everyone knows what I am talking about here...... I go to Wal- Mart, and in the same isle that I am in there is a kid throwing a temper tantrum. The child is screaming, cring, and kicking his mother, but she seems to be ignoring him. Why do parents these days do this?

If people don't disapline their child, it's only going to get worst right? People think it is a sin to spank a child, or to correct them, but why? I got spanked when I was a kid, and I turned out fine. I helped raise my niece and nephew and they got punished when they did something wrong and they new there was going to be consequinces for their wrong actions, especially when we were out in public, so why does society accept a child ruling over their parent instead of a parent taking action like they should?!?!?!?!

When I say spanking, I do not mean beating them, that is 2 totally different things. There are always different options to disapline, but what I ment is some kids respond to different punishments and spanking is one of them!

Answer 1

People that let their children act like this make me sick. If you have no control over your children, don't take them out in public and if they do throw a fit, leave the store. You made this mess, you listen to it, but I don't want to. My son is 5 years old and has never thrown a fit in a store, not because he is scared of me, because he knows that it's not acceptable to act like that. And the people who have kids who act this way should not be allowed to send their kids to school with kids who's parents do make them behave. They are spoiled brats who take over the classroom like they do their homes and my child suffers because the teachers spend so much time trying to get these brats to behave that the "nice" children don't get as much attention as they should and don't get the education that they deserve. It's the parents of rotten children who are ruining this world.........Thanks.

Answer 2

While I do believe in disciplining a child, and spanking works great, it is not for every child or every situation.

The temper tantrums is a way to get attention. The way to beat a tantrum is to ignore it. If you acknowledge the tantrum with yelling, spanking, or telling the kid to knock it off, then you are giving credibility to the act. This means the child will use it again to "push your buttons". Not the way to go.

As for the spanking thing, not every child gets a spanking and it works. I was a hellion child, and when I got a spanking, my mom told me that I would just look at her, not cry, and then do the same thing again. I didn't understand it until I had my daughter. She does the very same thing to me. And I am not going to spank my child harder to make her cry (and let me tell you, I am rather strong and athletic, and I do not "pat" her and call it a spanking!). Not to mention the more you use spanking, the less effective it is as a form of discipline. So there is a lot of things to look at.

While I do agree that too many allow their children to walk all over them, I think it is up to the parent. If the parent allows the child to run things, that is their cross to bare. I just know that my daughter will not do that to me, and that is the only child I have to worry about at this point in time. The other children are the concern of their parents. I allow them to raise their children and I try not to judge, for I do not know what things are like in their house. That I learned being a caregiver for people with developmental and physical disabilities. Many of them have traumatic brain injuries or major behavioral issues, and something that works for one person will not work for another. One must find what works and stick with it.

Answer 3

I think part of the problem is that what you do about a temper tantrum depends on the situation. Note when people on here ask what to do about temper tantrums AT HOME, the first answer everyone chimes in with is "ignore it!" because addressing the tantrum gives the child the attention (even if it's to discipline) he's after. So, do you want to reinforce the tantrum by addressing it just because it's in a public place? Unfortunately, it's either do exactly that or pi$$ off the entire store/restaurant/etc. Ideally, you should take the child outside, to the bathroom, to the car, or somewhere else...but that's not always doable.

As far as spanking goes, I have no problem with a swat on the behind as a last resort. But again, in a public place, you're d@mned if you do and d@mned if you don't. The minute you swat your kid in the public eye, those same shoppers who were giving you the hairy eyeball for your kid's tantrum are now looking at you in horror for "abusing" your child.

Answer 4

Ever wonder what she does at home? Just because he was that way in the store doesn't mean that she doesn't discipline. You don't know if she already took him to the bathroom and tore his butt up either or if she was on her way to. Kids throw tantrums no matter what their parents teach them, a lot of times it is best to ignore it, they throw them for attention, the lack of will get better results some times. I know with my kids, I ignored their fits, they learned real fast not to throw one. I do believe in giving spankings and will when necessary. It's up to the parent to find when it is necessary and not just a shopper in a wal-mart. How old was this kid? That also plays a role in their tantrum and also how the mother will discipline. Just because a child acts up doesn't mean there is a lack of it in the home. Mine act up and I am strict, it's just the child. Not all of society accept the child ruling over the parent either, it's just a few people made it difficult for the good parents to be able to discipline. The ones that don't know the difference between a beating and a spanking make it hard for those who do know the difference. Just remember, everyone parents differently.

Answer 5

A lot of parents become immune to this, but they won't be immune to the repricussions when they are teens.

Instilling discipline, order, and chain of command are crucial for raising a happy family. Spanking isn't necessary, but some sort of punishment is. I don't have a problem with it, but I do have a problem with the nosey busy bodies that want to call the police when you swat your child.

As far as the temper tantrums in Wal-Mart, there are ways to avoid that.

First: Don't ever give in. The first time you give in means that's how they get their way.

Second: Lay down the expectations before you get there.

Third: They don't get a toy just because they are good, or just because you are out and about.

Fourth: They can't, EVEN FOR A SECOND, think that for whatever reason you are afraid of disciplining in public. Because then ANYtime you are out and about, they'll think all bets are off.

Answer 6

And it was exactly the same thing when I was a kid.. if I threw a fit in the store, I was hauled out, spanked, and left in the car ( after the age of 5) but back then, you could do that, and the cops wouldn't be taking your kids away from you.

2 months ago, I was in Sears, and a 3 year old was screaming because her mother wouldn't let her have a toy. The mother tried to calm her down, and when that didn't work, she left the store carrying the screaming kid. When I was done shopping 15 minutes later, I went to the parking lot to find my car, and I saw the woman being talked too by a cop.

That's why people don't spank their kids anymore. Children's Rights Activists, Lawyers, the Justice System, and holier than thou parents have made it a sin, and something illegal. You spank your child in the privacy of your own home and you're afraid that someone is going to find out and child welfare is going to come and take them away.

It's fear. People don't spank their kids from fear.

Answer 7

I'll meet you half way on this one. I agree that many kids get away with too much especially hitting and kicking- never will I tolerate that. As for fits though....I have 4 young kids - by choice not accident- I have learned to pick my battles. I am not going to spank my two-year-old every time he cries in the store, neither will I try to reason with him to stop. Usually I warn him once then punish (which in his case is making him sit in the basket and buckle up - he hates that) then he cries more of course but I ignore this cry. He has already been punished and I can't beat the tears out of him. He knows that as soon as he stops crying he can get out and walk again so the fit ends pretty quickly - cry, warn, still crying, pick up and put in basket, more crying, remind that when he stops he can get out, hushes and gets out. Pretty simple and effective (next time I warn he usually stops right away) and no running out of the store no running to the bathroom no spanking to get your child to stop(?) crying. If you are wondering, yes I do believe in spanking, but only as a last resort so very seldom do I do it. There are many other effective methods, but you have to work with the individual child's likes and dislikes to form a plan for discipline and punishment which are not the same things by the way. Discipline is teaching what the right ways to behave are, punishment is when you act on a misbehavior. Therefore it is correct to say that spanking isn't effective discipline while it may be an effective punishment.

I just wanted to add for those who say "my kids never did that...." I also have twin girls who "never did that." there is no difference in the way I parented them they just have different temperaments. The point isn't "who has the most well-behaved kids?" it's "who will deal with the situation if/when it arrives?"

Answer 8

Count me on your side. We spank our daughters when necessary. They try the tantrum in the store thing like once, or maybe twice in there life. For parents that know how to give a good spanking, "the look" has a new found respect.

After love and attention, children need firm discipline.

Answer 9

Don't forget that 87% of Americans do spank. When you observe America's children, you cannot blame a lack of spanking for their problems. Spanking is not effective, it teaches kids to get scared of their parent, and to avoid getting caught. I would say a sure sign that someone doesn't turn out fine when they are spanked is that they continue to support violence against children. Discipline is loving guidance. Children aren't born knowing how to act, they shouldn't be punished for not knowing how to act. They should be taught how to act and expected to uphold those standards - when they are biologically and mentally capable of doing so.

My children have never been hit and know how to act in public. The problem with the kids you notice is their parents. Not that the parent is not hitting the child, but because the parent isn't raising the child.

You teach children when they are very young - people work in this store, shoppers are thinking in this store, you cannot be loud, you cannot disturb people. You teach your children how to act. You don't use violence against them. You take them out of the store if they're too young to control themselves and you use other logical consequences if they are old enough to control themselves.

You especially don't want kids hit by parents who are stressed and embarassed.

The big problem today is large numbers of people have been led by the media to believe that kids don't need mommys, that any old caretaker will do. So, large numbers of kids simply aren't being raised to fit into society. In addition. early separation from mommy actually wrecks the psyche, increasing the number of depressed, anxious, and sociopathic people in our midst.

Parents can learn effective techniques that create a self-disciplined child. After all, your child must leave you one day and go out into the world. Do you really only want them to know how to respond to punishment or do you want them internally motivated to be good?

How to talk so Kids will LIsten and Listen so Kids will talk is a great book that teaches parents how to maintain control of your home and raise decent, motivated kids.

Answer 10

I DON'T believe in spanking, but I do believe that discipline is important. However, it depends on the age of the child. If the child is young, acknowledging EVERY temper tantrum with a response only reinforces the strength of the tantrum. If the child just wants attention, they will take it good or bad. If you discipline the child and notice EVERY LITTLE TANTRUM, then they will know that that's a way to get your attention. I know what you mean, that some parents don't discipline their children, but each situation can't be just taken out of context.

Answer 11

Ignoring a child's tantrums is a method used to try and eliminate the tantrums. If there is no response by the behavior, the child learns that the behavior is not getting the response they are seeking and will attempt something new. This theory is very, very hard for the parents because, like you say here, the parents end up being criticized or judged. It's harder for the parents than it is for the kid.

I don't personally agree with this approach, but I do sympathize with parents that have to try and deal with this. I have never met a child that doesn't have tantrums at one time or another...and all of us parents have to do our best to overcome them.

My brother believes in spaking the child. I believe in letting them sit in the chair for five minutes. His spaking tactics don't work, but my five minutes of quiet torture sure do. We disagree with each other's approach to dealing with "normal" kid's undesireable behavior, but the bottom line here is...

All kid's have tantrums. And trust me, there are times that I'd like to spank the crap out of mine, but I think the best thing we can do as parents is have empathy for ech other. None of us like tantrums.

If I may, I'd like to add that my opinion about kid's today is that the parents end up working like crazy, getting tired and frustrated at trying to live in today's society. The children end up suffering. They do poorly in school, have few if any manners and end up growing into teenagers that don't seem to have very much respect or love for themselves.

I'm doing the best I can as a parent. I beat myself up all the time for too little/too much spoiling, too little/too much disciplining, too little/too much protecting...all that stuff.

I know people that are involved so little in their children's lives that they barely even know the child. Who are their friends? Why are they failing school? What's with the life goal of wanting a tatoo? Who are they having sex with? All that stuff. The kids turn into either an emotional head case or an emotional recluse.

At least if a child is having a tantrum...that is a sign that the parent pays enough attention for the child to learn that tantrums warrant attention.

Especially in a store...you really gotta empathize. The child's parent is probably embarrassed and pretty mad.

A person I greatly admire once said to me when I was pregnant, "The best way to raise a child is just love them all you can!"

Good luck to you and your children.