How to explain death to a toddler?

Question

Last night our pet budgie died suddenly, and we have had to try and explain to our 2 1/2 year old what has happened. We're not religious, so we don't believe in a heaven or a god, and it's difficult trying to get her to understand what death is and that it hasn't actually gone anywhere, but that it won't be coming back either.

Can anyone tell me how you've dealt with similar situations, or what you would say in the same situation?

To those that say my life is empty without faith, that is the not the issue at hand. My faith may be different from yours, but it does not mean they are lacking.

As I do not believe in heaven or god, we have not yet introduced our toddler to these concepts. We don't go to church, we don't read the bible or any other holy books, and so to tell her that our pet has gone to heaven to be with God or to be an angel isn't something she has had experience of and I was looking for another way of addressing the issue that would deal in terms she is familiar with.

To those of you that said heaven may be an acceptable term even if we're not religious, thank you. You may be correct - she may grasp it, but it's not something we would be comfortable with.

Answer 1

http://www.hospicenet.org/html/understand.html

Childrens understanding of death. It's a hospice link but it might give you some insights to their thinking.

My little one gets told there is energy. When there is energy there is life and when the energy stops there is no more life. I think we would bury the budgie together and i would explain to her somehow that the budgie will disintigrate and all the bits will be like food for the plants.

Answer 2

I would tell your child that the pet budgie got really sick and died. Then I would explain that he will not be able to come back because death is when people get old and are tired of living. If you were religious this would be much easier because the heaven thing is so easy to use. But since you aren't religious, you really must tell the truth in the most sincere way possible. Obviously your child will be upset. But that is part of growing up and it will make your child stronger because of it. Also, if you got a new pet right after explain death to your child, it would help a lot with he or she getting over this tragedy.

Answer 3

Kids do not have a concept of death until around age 5-7 years. What I am saying is that death is final and a child does not understand final for several years...especially at 2 and half years! She thinks it will come back. From your question, I could not tell what a pet budgie was...My kid was between 3 &5 years when she overfed her fish and it went belly up...You could start by calling things what they are so she gets a grownup concept that things have proper names then when she is older play the what are all the names for this game...

Answer 4

Hi!
This is always a hard topic to approach with children and although I was raised to believe in God and traipsed along to church as a child, I don't attend now.
I just believe that with children you need to be honest, so that in turn they can learn to be honest with you throughout their lives, no matter what the circumstances are.
I have taught my children when family or pets have died that there is a beginning and an end to all things 'The circle of life' - from plants and seasons to the more closer losses in life.
I found it doesn't distract from the truth and unlike some of my other family members who feel 'it is not right' or 'they are too young' I find that I don't have to broach this subject again when they were a little older because I had dealt with it in the beginning!

Answer 5

Death is an extemely difficult concept for children to grasp, but there are some fantastic books out there that are good at explaining it. There are both faith and non-faith versions too, depending on your beliefs. Be aware, though, that the non-faith versions are quite harsh and depressing, and that finality of life could be a difficult concept for a child to comprehend. While you yourselves may not be religious, there could be some benefit in letting your child know about different ideas. You can tell her what you believe, but also what other people believe. This type of education over the years of her childhood will help her to make an informed choice of her own later own. It's a similar concept to the one that says although YOU may not like fish/brussel sprouts/cheese, that's no reason not to give it to your child, as she is an individual that needs to have her own tastes.

Answer 6

Well i have a son and within a year my sister and our pet died and trying to explain to him was hard and still is. the best thing to do is be honest even at 2 and 1/2 they are old enough to understand, i know you are not religious but for children it is a good way to tell them that they have gone to heaven, also have a little burial ceremony and get your son/daughter to draw a good bye card etc. my advice is just be honest though with no belief in anything it will be harder for you. good luck this wont go away over night.

oh and whatever you do do not say it has gone to sleep and hasn't woken up as this will give your child fear of sleep that if you go to sleep or anyone goes to sleep they might not wake up. that will just bring you more problems at bedtime.

Answer 7

My two boys came with me when our old ladbrador had to be put down due to a sudden stroke, and it was the best way for them to understand what death was all about (you die, and thats that.. off you go to decompose and be food for other animals and plants in the evolutionary chain of events that only nature is in control of).
We had no talk of all this heaven stuff originating from fables, it was all factual and understood the way all humans should understand it.
To shock a child into a cult (by talking about heaven etc, when they are at a most vunerable point) is not a thing I would have been happy with either.

Answer 8

I'm afraid a 2 1/2 year old is never going to understand the concept of death. Its hard trying to make a 5 year old understand. Your child is soon going to forget about your budgie. You might think it seems hard, but a 2 1/2 year will soon forget about your budgie.

Answer 9

I personally believe in being honest. Tell your child that just what you said, that the pet has died and won't be coming back. That you will all miss him, etc. When my daughter was a toddler, the dog died, and to be honest, she accepted whatever we told her and stopped mentioning it about fairly quickly. I wouldn't tell her that the pet is asleep or went on a trip, because it's not true and may make her afraid of sleeping or of you going on a trip.

Answer 10

yes you are right. This question is about your child and not your faith. I am not religious, nor do I read the bible or go to church. But I DO believe we go to a higher, better place when we die. You probably think the same? Just tell her that the birdie went to a better place, and one day she will see him (if you believe that animals and humans go to the same place). It's hard to give advice to you when you really don't explain what you believe. Hope this helps!

Just don't tell her it's sleeping!!!!! Then she will be afraid every time she goes to bed she won't wake up!