lukemia and dealing with dearth of a loved one?

Question

Dads dieing of lukemia.
struggling with stress of situation.
any advice or counceling siyes please

Answer 1

Well, I'm in your dad's situation and this is how I and my family are dealing with it. Firstly you may need the support of someone from outside - we've never been offered anything and I've been trying to survive colon cancer since June 2002 and have so far had 14 months of chemotherapy in bursts of 6 months and just started another 6 months! I believe McMillan are superb.

Our home is full of what the family call 'tumour humour' I am very happy with that as they are most disrespectful and I am constantly being teased - just been trained to give myself an injection in the stomach everyday - they told the district nurse that nothing would hold me back now I'd be trying heroin next! When I went to hospital for a week they told me to get home soon - the washing up was piling up! I had a chemo holiday from June up to two weeks ago and my hair grew again - today I have been told that they are going to buy me a striped scarf and a pair of John Lennon spectacles because I now look like Mole out of Toad of Toad Hall!

Your dad may be bedridden and in pain so you have to cheer him up with lots of sillliness and smiles - there's nothing worse than the people around you looking glum and weepy and stressed out. I only have a 3% chance of kicking this thing but I'm sure as hell going to have a go.

I've always wanted to go to Venice so last month my husband took me there for a few days - with my wheelchair!!! it was a remake of Little Britain as I helped him carry my wheelchair up the little bridges and then got back in when we got the other side!
Then he parked me outside a shop and put my sunhat on the floor and told me to start singing to raise money for supper!

My son had testicular cancer and my mum had breast cancer - both are my role models as they survived - but I know the stress of being on your side too. You must chill out and do some research on the internet about dealing with stress like this - go to cancerbackup.org.uk and you can get help there.

Keep smiling

Answer 2

I almost lost my mother and I have lost a sister in law and a friend to cancer. It's not an easy thing that your going through. You're gonna cry and your gonna feel helpless for your father but you already know this. The good thing is you are going the right way about it. Talk about your feelings to someone, whether it's perfect strangers on here, or to your family and freinds. Either way don't bottle things up and feel you have to be the strong one 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

The days ahead will not be easy, but my advice is cherish the time you have with your Dad and keep the good memories. As long as you remember him, he'll never really be gone.

Answer 3

I know all about this. I lost my mom, my aunt, and my grandpa to lukemia and 2 of my other uncles have it. My mom lived a long time with leukemia before she passed away. There is NO easy way to deal with death. Its a long hard process. My moms been gone for 12 years and I still think about her and talk to her and visit her site. The best thing is to have one good person to talk to that is a true friend, boyfriend, husband, wife whoever. I wish you the best during this diffacult time. Im not trying to scare you, but when things get real bad, prepare for the worst. It is a very scary thing to watch as they slip away. And make sure you have that special someone at you side, you will need that person. My prayers are with you.

Answer 4

I sympathise with you. There is no easy answer to this. Been there myself - they say time is a healer, and I have to admit that particular cliche is very true, but it doesnt help at the moment. Your dad should have a few different doctors that he is seeing.There will be a specialist that can explain more about his type of leaukaemia. It might be useful to you to understand excatly what is happening to him, but you may feel that is just too much information and you can't handle that so make sure you want to know before you ask too many questions. Talk to him if you can - make sure he knows you are there for him and remember that he is also there for you. He is your dad and that will never change no matter where he is. Conuselling may help - when it happened to us my mum went to bereavemeent couselling and ended up becoming a counsellor herself. She found Cruse bereavement counselling very good. I didn't want counselling, I wanted to change things. The frustration at being so helpless just ate away at me. I took on teh role of looking after the rest of the family, being the eldest, which was definitely good for me. It really depends what works for you. You can also help raise money for charity such as Leukaemia Research on the Anthony Nolan Trust. Through doing that, not only will you help teh charity, you will also meet similar people who have been through it and will be able to relate to your situation.
None of these are perfect answers, but you just can't change what is happening, all you can do is find a way to deal with it. I wrote a diary for a while - it seemed a bit cliched and dramatic, and it really made me cry when I wrote it, and even now when I read it back, but it got all bottled emotion out of me at the time. Spend as much time with him that you can and make sure he is comfortable - take on the role of the parent and look after him. It's a quik transition to make and makes you grow up so quickly, but you will never get another chance. It's good for both of you.

Best wishes. I wish i could say something better, but unfortuanetly it is out of your control. My thoughts are with you.

Answer 5

I can understand your situation well. In 2003 i lost both my mother (aged 48) and father (aged 53) within 4 months of each other. My mum had beaten cancer for the forth time, but as her immune system was suppressed, and after 2 months of feeling better she contracted a pneumacocil virus that caused septicaemia to set in, she passed away within 10 hours of first feeling a little flu like. The day after my mum's funeral my dad got diagnosed terminally ill!! He kept this to himself for a month until I guessed something wasn't right. Unfortunately the cancer (not leukaemia though) had returned as a rare more serious form and he passed away 16 weeks after my mum. The worst year of my and my two younger brothers’ life.

My dad was in denial at first and I supposed, as anyone would, struggled to come to terms with what the inevitable outcome would be. Prior to the diagnosis he had previously been on anti depressants, as he had to have a laryngectomy (voice box removed)... although the cancer had gone it had left him struggling to come to terms with what had happened and left him with a different voice. (you learn to talk again by vibrating the oesophageal muscles in your neck - amazing really - and we were immensely proud of him - yet he always had this doubt in him mind that he sounded different and started to with draw from social activities, he did go back to work and things started to look up and then we lost mum.... and things went from bad to worse.

At the time is was 20 and my brothers aged 18 and. We've all stayed on the straight and narrow, all doing well, myself training as a lawyer my brother training to be a vet and my youngest bro being a talented football and big clubs wanting his signature!. So things do get better and although its awful knowing what will happen, you need to saver all the time left with him, tell him how much you love him and how proud you are of him at the way he's coping. Explain to him that it's ok for him to cry and tell him to talk to you about things and the way he is feeling. He probably thinking that in someway he's let you down ... which is utter nonsense and you need to tell him that. Involve him, ask him to do stuff for and with you, and tell him how much he means to you and the family.

Plenty of hugs and kisses and you need someone to talk it though with too! Don’t bottle things up, the old saying of 'a problem shared is a problem halved' rings true.

When your father does pass away always remember that, know matter what you do he'll always be watching and supporting you and the family...

'just think of it as the car braking down but the driver can still get out and walk'

My sympathies to you all and you’re in my thoughts, keep strong and please make the most of the time you have with one another.

Answer 6

I know how you are feeling ,last october we were told my dad had terminal cancer and he didnt have long .We tried to enjoy the time we had with him ,but it was very hard .Tell him how you are feeling and that you love him and just spend as much time as you can with him ,my dad died in july and i am struggling to deal with it ,i miss him more than anything ,but i try to think of all the good times we had and i know i am so lucky to have had such a brilliant man as my dad .My thoughts are with you ,take care xx

Answer 7

Sorry to hearken to about your mom and the doorstep dad. {{{{{hugs}}}}} I lost my mom 11 years in the past. It replaced into demanding on me because I lived consisting of her. I were given called into paintings the day she had her coronary heart attack. the decision went into 911 below quarter-hour when I left to bypass paintings. I somewhat have exceptionally a lot worked by ability of that guilt notwithstanding it nevertheless comes decrease back once in a lengthy time period. Six years in the past, I lost my youthful brother to a coronary heart attack. 8 days later, my dad also died of a coronary heart attack. A year and a nil.5 in the past, I lost my oldest sister. It leaves me and my older brother who's an alcoholic. i'm very nearly 40 2 years old. i'd be difficulty-free. dropping a loved one is not in any respect basic. i visit't inform you the way many situations i visit sit down down right here and in basic terms cry. i'm no longer depressed, I in basic terms truly miss anybody. What has were given me by ability of is one element. God doesn't furnish you with something you are able to't cope with. he will try you lots yet when He did not imagine you are able to cope with it, He does no longer provide it to you. the perfect suggestion i visit furnish you with is to easily you ought to take time for you. stay life to the fullest. And it doesn't advise you're weak in case you tell someone you're having a not basic day.

Answer 8

I am sorry to hear this, My mother died of leukaemia almost 10 years ago when i was just 12, I didn't really understand what was happening then.

There are lots of site now offering help and support to patients and families of cancer sufferers.

Google search and there lots of helpful sites which I hope will help you discover the help and support you need.

God luck and take care

Answer 9

Hello sweet heart!
Im 17 and my step dad passed away of cancer three year ago,he got told he had 2 months to 2 years to live, We had him here for 13 months I felt streeses and I was worried that i wouldnt beable to cope when he did pass away but I had my friends and my family to help me is hard sugar but there are people out there who can help you go to your doctor and i no that theyl beable to help
Im always happy to listeing if you wish you can email me! im happy to listen
Take care

Answer 10

i am so sorry for what you going through , while he is still here keep him comfortable as possible and tell him how much you love him .spend every minute you can with him . i wish i could tell you what to do and how to deal with the grief you will be going through , but i cant . i recently lost my son , and i miss him constantly , may god bless you all and give you the peace and strength you will need...........