why has my 2 year old turned into such a monster??!!!?

Question

my 2 year old is a bully!! she lashes out at other children for no reason and also hits out at myself and her father if she doesnt get her own way. she has also resorted to tantrums whenever we are out and about. we've tried the naughty chair, sending her to her room and ignoring her behavour. i have found myself smacking her now and i hate myself for this as it just makes me depressed and guilty. she is a very bright child and quick for her age, most people think she acts like a 3 or 4 year old. im due another baby in may next year and hope to resolve this before then. i have an 8 year old and an 18 year old also and didnt have these problems with them.

Answer 1

I feel very sorry for you. It is hard when you are not pregnant to deal with tantruming 2 year olds, let alone when you have another one on the way.

Unfortunately, there is no easy quick fix to a problem like this - would that there were! I think that you have had the right idea in the past in using techniques like the naughty step etc. When I was in exactly the same situation, that's what I used. I think the main thing is consistency. Using naughty steps or sending to bedrooms or whatever can only work if both you and her dad are consistent and back each other up.

What we did was sit down one day and decide between us what was acceptable and unacceptable behaviour - things like hitting us/sister/class friend, spitting, throwing things, running off, disrespecting adults, these are all unacceptable and we both agreed that the second any of these occurred, the absolute second, she would recieve a firm warning. If it recurred or another misdemeanour occurred, it was the naughty step.

She would initially kick/bite/headbutt for England but we did it every single time it happened and had to hold her there for the most part. It must be every single time unfortunately for it to work and both you and hubby must do the same thing otherwise she will work out she can play one off against the other. It is boring, time consuming, tedious, the last thing you want to do, never ending, all of these but it is only by doing this every time that it will work - I promise you. The second you stop or the second you lose your rag and put her on the step without warning, it undoes all the hard work you've done.

Personally, although I understand why you do it, I don't think smacking helps. This shows that you are out of control and will either make her subconsciously panic and think, 'Well, if she's lost it, who is in charge?' or she will see it as a sign of her getting the upper hand over you. Try to resist it although I know it's hard.

The temptation when she throws a wobbler when you're out is to either wish the ground would swallow you up and then you decide not to take her out which creates a vicious cycle of boredom at home leading to worse behaviour and so on or to lose your temper and shout at her to stop which makes the situation worse.

When you go out to a supermarket for example, and again I know it's time consuming and probably the last thing you want to do, but as she is so bright, can you give her her own list with three or four things on it and get her to choose and put it in the trolley etc. She can then hand the till person the money and get the change and receipt. This will distract her from behaving badly and teach her colours, shapes, words, money, waiting your turn, manners. It will take longer but then it will be better than trying to ddrag a screaming, bored kiddie round the store.

Answer 2

Firstly you must stop hitting her now! If you have an aggressive child then you are just reenforcing the issue by being aggressive back. You are teaching her that it is okay to lash out at someone if they frustrate you or make you cross!
Second, I would be really interested to know what her diet is like because children at that age really start to dictate the foods they will and won't eat and maybe she opts for more of the fatty or sweet variety and you may let her tyo avoid the tantrums but it is just a visious cycle. There are many parents out there who give in when it comes to their kids diet because they want to avoid any upset but they are just cementing the problem because poor diet has an absolutely immense affect on kids behaviour!
My two year old daughter began to act really differently last summer. She was sullen and miserable and totally disobedient .I got to the stage where I couldn't control her and I was physically and mentally exhausted because of it. Then one day I was discussing it with my husband when we realised it was down to one thing, the only thing that had changed, her juice! My husband had bought a different brand of juice because it was better value and we realised that this was what was causing the bad behaviour. We immediately changed back to our old brand and her behaviour changed overnight. I would have found this hard to believe if I hadn't experienced it with my own child the change in her was so marked that when she was drinking the "bad" juice I couldn't relate to her at all, it was awful. Ever since I have kept an eye on her food and drinks and she rarely has sweets or foods containing hydrogonated fats. I basically took out all processed foods from our diets and my children are pleasant and calm most of the time (they do have the occasional tantrum but they are natural not chemically induced!) I cook all my meals from scratch and It feels good to know that my kids get proper home cooked food but I do understand that not everyone has that luxury so my advice is if a meal has more than 5 ingredients on the label unless they are herbs or spices then don't bother. Most unhealthy foods have ingredient lists as long as your arm because of all the processing and additives and never give your children anything with hydrogenated fats . And food high in fat or sugar only now and again. Try the 80/20 rule or even 90/10 for the kids and I bet you have a change. If you are 100% sure that this is not diet related you may want to ask yourself if she hasn't had a bit more leaway than the other kids because there is a big gap between her and your other children? You say she is very bright? Maybe she isn't getting the stimulation she needs, try doing more with her or get her involved in a group of some sort.
I hope everything turns out ok.

Answer 3

All two year olds push their parents buttons a lot. First of all she must be restrained from lashing out at others whether playmates or mom or dad she cannot be allowed to hurt others. Immediate action is required! Pick her up and put in chair. Tell her she is not allowed to hurt others.Make your home a hit free zone she cant hit neither can you. Check she is not being teased or bullied by older childre. As far as tantrums in public the time tested and guaranteed method is immediate return to home,no toys, no snacks, nothing from the store. If you must finish shopping then you must but the more times you immediately remove her the faster it works. Some one else can take her to car and wait for you. PS. some person up there suggesting developemental delays thats the point the child is right on in developement.

Answer 4

Give her a 'bashing corner'. Get some large pillows, even a large stuffed animal and a little plastic baseball bat or something and when she shows those signs that she's about to get violent - you will know the way she looks when she's about to do something awful - intervene at once and rush with her to the bashing corner. Encourage her cheerfully to bash the soft things with the bat.

The principle behind this is, that the techniques you are using now are not stopping the behaviour. So instead of stopping it, make it into a safe behaviour by localising it. Instead of telling her she must never hit, explain excitedly that she can hit, but it has to be in the bashing corner and she can only hit soft things, never people.

This will be a novelty to her and it will give her mind something to focus on at that moment when she is about to hit - soon her brain will say, "Oh wait, there's something else we can do instead, and with mummy as a spectator it's a real sport".

If you can't eliminate a behaviour, alter the behaviour to make it innocuous. And soon she will not bother anymore. Good luck!

Answer 5

You just have to be firm that that type of behaviour is not acceptable. You can do this using positive reinforcement as well as negative.

Trying employing sticker charts. Give her a sticker for every, say, hour she's good and a unhappy face if she's not. If she gets x amount of stickers in a day (you decide, maybe start off small and work up as she gets better at it), get her a small, non-food treat item like a book, crayons, stickers or a small toy. Maybe get a bigger treat at the end of the week if she's had a certain amount of successful days. That way, you are reinforcing the fact that you will not permit bad behaviour, but also that you will reward good behaviour. And it's done non-violently :)

Also, involve her in the process a bit. Draw out a basic sticker chart and let her decorate it. Let her choose the stickers to go on it.

Answer 6

She is getting the results she is looking for out of you so what I did w/my son is if we were in the store and he had a fit (which was rare) I would put the cart to the side and take him to the car go home (get a sitter) and return to finish the shopping I needed to do. When I got home there were no treats for him and I would explain that as long as he was going to act that way he would be left at home. Big boys don't act like that.
The hitting thing is a two year old way of acting out. Send her to her room w/o any big todos and continue your day. Tell her that she is not allowed to be with other people as long as she is acting in a very bad way.
Short simple, these are the rules and these are the things that she gets when she can't follow the rules. Don't give in either.

Answer 7

Punishments will make her worse. Smacking, ignoring, and closing her in her room etc have made her like that.You need to show her love and affection without letting her get her way. If she asks for something she is not entitled to, explain firmly she cannot having, but no punishment and definitely no smacking is allowed at this age. Not for not hurting her, but it has the opposite results, as you can see. Children at this age only become what the parents make them. By the way, about her aggression to other kids, let her play with some older kids, stronger, and let them react when she bullys them. Only protect her if she is in real danger of getting hurt. When I was 3-4 years old, I used to bite other kids, until another older girl bit me hard, and I so stopped it!!

Answer 8

Go talk to your doctor. If hedoesn't listen to your concerns get a second opinion. --Especially since you have ben a mom before and have been trying discipline tactics, Listen to your instincts. Is this child very different from the others? Does something not feel right?

Talk to the doctor about hyperactivity. Aspergers, and other develpemental delay disorders also will look like this. Although language delay is present in autism, Often a child with aspergers seems to have a very "adult"" vocabulary.

Please talk to your pediatrician about a child psycholoogist and testing. Most insurence will cover it, if there are concerns and it is "prescribed."

If you find out she has special needs you will have to begin behavior modification as soon as possible. Things will escalate when the new baby arrives. A child psychiatrist can be very helpful in learning techniques to deal with a special child.

Answer 9

My son is like this also he is 2 and very advanced, but he acts out. Maybe she is kind of jealous, she can feel that you're pregnant, some children are possesive and when you're pregnant you really see it. Since she is very smart, she knows that things won't be the same and she wants to let you know that she wants to be the baby. Try to involve her in everything like everyday tell her a story about when she was born and tell her maybe when the baby is born you and I could do that. Don't put nothing past her, she is smart and she will understand!

Answer 10

This is what my mom called the "terrible 2's". Theres really nothing u can do about it. Its just a time where they like to get into everything and are starting to have a mind of there own and dont listen to anyone!