idiot parent?

Question

One of my husbands best friends recently found himself a woman. And I hate and can't stand her and her kids. My sons are 1 and 4 , her sons are 2 and 4 , and they are undisciplined little brats who are always hitting, biting, slapping, taking away toys, and pushing around my boys or breaking my kids' toys. She doesn't do anything about it, and I'm the only person who ever stops it. She doesn't even tell them that it was bad or make them apologize.Her kids always have some kind of disease (most recently Impetigo, Roseola, Hand Foot Mouth disease - in the last 5 months) and she brings them over while they're infected and contageous and doesn't tell anyone until she wants to come over again and I tell her that she can't because my boys are sick and she says " Well, my boys just had that so I don't think they'd get it again." How do we tell the guy that we still like him, and he can come over, but he can't bring them anymore without ruining the friendship with him and my hubby?

Answer 1

You really have no choice, your kid will come first. You sound like a good mother and you just need to make sure they are protected and you need to stand your ground. Do or say what ever you have to to keep those damaging and disrespectful children away from your.

Best of luck to you..

Answer 2

Unfortunately, you can't refuse to let the girlfriend and her kids in or your husband will more that likely loose a good friend. What you can do is talk to him about a few of the things that are upsetting you, specifically the illness issues. Let him know that the kids simply can not come over if they are sick in any way..period. Tell him you know this may seem harsh, but that you simply can't afford to have your kids catching anything else.

As for when you find out they are coming over, a few things you can do is:

-suggest you all go someplace together,,a park, the movies, Chucky Cheese..and keep close watch on your kids. From what you say, there seems to be no problems if you discipline her kids, so feel free to keep doing so.

- if they do end up at your house, set up a spot to put toys they can use and put up any toys you don't want to be broken. Take the offlimit toys and put them in a room or closet, close the door and make it very clear they are not to open that door.

-if they take a toy from another child, simply take the toy from them, tell them if they can not wait their turn then the toy will have to put away, put it up on a shelf and walk away.

-when they hit, slap and especially bite, immediately seperate them from the others. place them at a table with some paper and crayons and tell them that until they can tell you what they did and are ready to apologize, they have to stay at the table.

It sucks this Mom won't step up and handle her kids. However, this doesn't mean they should be allowed to whip through your house like hellions. Take control...it is your house. If the Mom complains, then tell her she needs to watch her kids, get them to follow the rules of your house and be responsible for them. I don't see that happening...she'll either let you handle it or get angry and stop coming over all together. If it turns into a drama, let your husband explain it to his friend, but do what you feel is best for you and your kids. If his friend is a friend, he'll get it.

Answer 3

many of us had to endure parents like that in the past
this what I used to do
the minute the children arrive I would get them discreetly to the bathroom wash their hands and face
would make sure that my children don't share cups with them
and if they are playing with a toy I will tell the kids let them play with it when they live I will spray everything (the toys) with clorox
and wash them
make sure my children are wash as well
Or I used to find excuses like when they are coming over I would take the kids out without telling in advance so they will not invite themselves
and my husband can stay and entertain them
Those are suggestions & my trick
now I have change I could not care less you don't keep your children in line then keep them away form mines

Answer 4

Instead of going to her husband, try confronting her. For example, when she brings her kids over, ask her if they're sick before you let them in your house. Tell her you're sorry, but you won't expose your kids to any more illnesses, but that when her kids are healthy, she's welcome to come back. Then close the door. As far as discipline, when you get up to stop her kids from doing whatever, drag the kid to the mom and say would you please do something about (insert kid's name here), he's been (insert problem here) and it's not something my husband and want our kids to learn and behave like this.

Chances are that the husband will get his nose out of joint about it, defending his wife, but you need to stand firm and explain to him that her kids are a bad influence and hazardous to your kids health when she brings them over. Show him doctor's bills if you need to and explain that all these illnesses originate from her kids.

Let him know that you don't want to loose the friendship you have with each other because it's important to you, but you have to put the welfare of your children first. If he's any kind of friend, he will understand and hopefully talk to his wife himself.

Answer 5

a hard one, would be better if your children don't mix, try meeting them in a pub or somewhere if you cant stand her kids. Or the cinema?
They will soon get the hint that her children are not welcome. You could always explain to your husbands friend that you find her children ott and although it is fine for her home it is not fine for yours. He wont like it but he has picked to be with her and the children come as a package. He may on the other hand agree with you but feels he has no right to discipline her children ...yet

Answer 6

i had the same thing with my sister in law (her kid is 5) my are 11 and 2 she thought it was funny when her boy hit my 11 year old in the balls repeatedly i would tell her and him it was unacceptable she would say things like he is just a baby finally i told my boy i didn't like it but some times you have to do what you have to do so he knock him on his a** she had a fit i said if you don't make him under stand it's not right someone else will then a few day later my 2 year old girl hit him in the balls and i tanned her hided then told my sis in law if her son was not told how to behave thay were no longer welcome at our house things are much better now

Answer 7

Just be honest with him. You know how it is when you are blinded by love. lol He may not be able to see what a loser she is for himself and even though it may upset him at first, he'll thank you later. I ended a 12 year friendship because my friend started drinking a lot and would act up around my kids. I gave her the boot - kids come first.

Answer 8

As a friend you want the best for him. Ask him if this is the right girl for him, and tell him how you feel. Maybe he has been struck by the love bug and has blinders on and can not see all her faults.....which we all have, but if someone he is going to be with will cause problems in your friendship then maybe she is not the right girl for him.

You might also want to mention to him, that if she can not discipline her children then they are no longer going to be allowed to visit. Explain that it is not fun for your children when their toys are getting broken and they are getting hurt, not to mention getting sick.

Answer 9

u r between the devil and the blue sea! i think u can excuse urself when they come over and say u have got to see someone(that is if they catch u unawares in the house).And if hubby wants to hung out with buddy,tell him to make it a guys night out.And as for the wife, u just have to have a tete à tete with her and if she gets irritated,screw her cuz even though she might have problems with her manners she should understand how u feel as a woman and mother(just make sure u take ur time and explain things to her properly,cuz she seems a bit thick in the head or probably was raised differently) that u don't mean to offend her but that u r just concerned.

Answer 10

give the boys a lecture tell them that they wil not be able to come over if they act the way they are. if they break something they either have to get your kids a new one or give them something of theirs. if you can't talk to the mother talk to the kids. they will be so surprised that someone is telling them what to do they will do one of two thing either they will run and tell mom at which point you have an opening to talk to her about her children. or they will listen and behave. good luck if i were you i would just go to the mom and tell her to control her kids or don't come over.