I am in a very bad position,i use jokes as my stress busters so can you plz mail me some jokes?

Question

jokes as we know are very good for our health thats why i use them as my stress busters.When i laugh i forget every tension tahts i wanted some jokes so please send me some jokes.THANKYOU

Answer 1

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down." The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!" The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory's just as good as it's always been, knock on wood." She raps the table. With a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?!"



A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"
"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"
He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."
The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned."
The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"



A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But officer." the man began, "I can explain,".
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..."
"But officer, I just wanted to say...."
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

Answer 2

A sardarji, a hindu and an american were in an Aeroplane. The pilot had only one parachute. Some engine problem in the plane and pilot jumped from the plane asking the rest of the 3 to jump without parachute. The Sardarji used his turbine as parachute and jumped from the plane first. Then the Hindu who was in a Bhoti removed it used it as a parachute. The American removed his coat and used it is a parachute, but it did't worked well he started falling fast. first he passed the hindu and then the sardarji. When Sardarji saw the american going down fast, he said "Here aslo you are racing with me. I jumped first from the plane, I have to land first" and left the turbain.

how do you feel now ?

Answer 3

A sardar wanted to sell his old battered Maruti car which had done more than
100,000 kms. Since no body was inclined to buy it, he approached his friend to
help him dispose it off. The friend advised him to have the mileage meter
reading reduced to around 30,000 kms so that he could tell the prospective
customer that it has been used sparingly. The sardar liked the idea. A few
weeks later the same friend met him and enquired whether he was able to
dispose off his car. The sardar replied, "Are you mad? Who sells a car which
has done only 30000 kms!

Answer 4

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s.

"May I help you?" she asked.

"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.

"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.

"No. I must see Valerie," was the man's reply.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $1,000 a visit.

Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten one-hundred dollar bills, gave them to Valerie, and they went upstairs.

After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Valerie.

Valerie explained that none had ever come back two nights in a row--too expensive--and there were no discounts. The price was still $1,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie questioned the man. "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.

The man replied, "South Carolina." "Really" she said. "I have family in South Carolina."

"I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's
attorney. She asked me to give you your $3,000 inheritance."

Answer 5

A somewhat lousy golfer is out playing one day,and is having the round of his life when he hits his ball errant into a group of butter cups.Looking at them he realizes how beautiful they are and decides to take the one stroke penalty it will cost him to move his ball so as not to damage the buttercups. As he drops his ball in the fairway up pops a fairy.He tells the golfer"I'm the buttercup Fairy. I saw what you did in order to save those beautiful buttercups.So I'm going to reward you with a lifetime of Butter,all you can eat". Poof there is a big pile of butter.The golfer looks at the fairy and says"gee that's great thanks,but where the hell were you when I was in the P.u.s.s.y Willows?

A golfer is on his way home and stops to pick up a gallon of milk at his wife's behest.As he's going through the checkout he notices the checker staring at his pockets which are bulging with golf balls.He looks back at her and says"don't worry it's just golf balls".She replies,"Oh is that anything like Tennis Elbow?"

Answer 6

as usual a sardarji joke
he purchased a car went to Delhi traversing @130 kph in almost 8 hrs.
while returning it took 5 days why?
he traversed the entire journey on reverse gear
as pro missed to his better half
i 'll come back nope

Answer 7

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, the townspeople were in church,
listening to the organ play. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of
the church. Everyone started screaming and running
for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get
away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone was evacuated from the Church,
except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving,
seemingly oblivious to he fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his
presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man
and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried,
"Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years!"

Answer 8

What does Sardarji do when he has one white sheet and wants an extra sheet? He makes a photocopy of the white sheet.

Answer 9

3 men in deep Africa when they stumble upon a tent. they go inside and find 150 naked women. they start getting real friendly with the women when a shiek walks in. "These are my women. You 3 men shall be punished according to your job." he looks at the first man. "what is your job?" "policeman, sir" the man replies. "ha! then 50 of my women shall shoot your penis off!!" he looks at the 2nd man. "what is your job?" "fireman, sir" the man replies. the shiek laughs. "haha! then 50 of my women shall burn your penis off!!" the shiek then turns to the 3rd man and asks, "you, what is you job?" the man looks at the fifty remaining women and says with a grin,"sir, i am a lollipop salesman."

Answer 10

What are called a pair of slippers?

A banana's peel